iAm Not Okay
by lovingmylife
Summary: A video of Sam shows up on the school's web page and the boy who posted it is using it to blackmail her. Carly's too distracted to notice but Freddie is determined to know what's going on that she isn't telling them. Seddie Story. Multi-chapter.
1. Chapter 1

**My first multi-chapter iCarly Story; this is quite exciting for me. Its actually almost done being written, I've been working on it since June, I have maybe three or four chapters left which will make it roughly twenty eight chapters long. As this is the first chapter its a little on the slow side but the story picks up quickly enough and I've included a longer summery to peak your interest. It is a Seddie story but Carly has a sub plot that ties into the main plot. Its a little more dramatic than I usually write; I'm more about fluffy stuff.**

**Summary:** Halfway through the semester and school is going well. Freddie has agreed to take the weight training class as his P.E. elective with Sam and Gibby and does not fail to impress his fellow students. Sam's life is turned upside when a video of her hits the school web page and the boy who took it blackmails her. Carly's oblivious to Sam's predicament do to being caught up in the emotional roller coaster brought on by her boyfriend, AP classes and the iCarly comments Freddie's been monitoring. Freddie knows that when the girls say they're okay its a ruse; all he wants are for them to go back to the way they were.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own iCarly.

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><p><strong>iAm Not Okay<strong>

**Chapter One**

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><p>The gym at Bushwell Plaza wasn't the typical gym. Sure it had all the necessary equipment but it lacked the overpowering smell of sweat and the squeak of sneakers on the floor. It had few patrons as it seemed the residents of Bushwell were on the lazy side because the only regulars in the gym were two teenage boys. They weren't even boys you'd expect to see; ask anyone and they'd likely call them nerds.<p>

Freddie gripped the bar above him tightly.

Deep breath.

5, 4, 3, 2, lift.

Freddie pushed up on the bar but to his surprise it didn't budge. He'd lifted this much weight before it shouldn't have been such a problem. He took another deep breath and tried again. This time the bar went up about an inch before clashing back down and Freddie shot up gripping his arm.

He made a strained noise followed by a much clearer, "Gibby!"

"You okay bro?"

"How much weight did you add to the bar?"

"Twenty pounds to each side like you asked." He said as he double checked the weights.

"I meant twenty pounds overall, not on both sides."

"Well be more specific next time." Freddie shot a mean look at the taller boy. He'd asked Gibby to come to the gym with him to be a spotter, not to try to kill him. He massaged his arm as Gibby adjusted the weights again.

He had been excited when Bushwell Plaza had added a gym to their building for the tenants. He hadn't been able to convince his mom to let him go to a gym because he could get hurt but having one in their building had helped his argument and he'd been allowed to go a few times a week for a couple of months now. It was going great.

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><p>Carly took a breath after spewing out nearly a page of information to Sam. The likelihood of eating disorders versus the likelihood of obesity and who was most susceptible to it. She placed a sticky note in the textbook marking the statistics. "I think we should we should try and incorporate this on to the display as it applies to the age of our audience, we could maybe even take the whole presentation in this direction, what do you think Sam-Sam?" Carly looked up from the book propped against her knees. Sam was sitting at the other end of the couch fast asleep.<p>

Carly sighed and nudged her friend in the side with her foot. Sam jolted awake. "Huh?"

"I'm not putting your name on this project if you don't help me."

Sam groaned and shifted to face Carly. "I'm tired, I need food."

"Dinner will be ready in a few minutes," Carly gestured to the kitchen where Spencer was cooking dinner; he had yet to tell them what it was. "Now will you please give me some input on this its due at the end of the week."

"I would if you'd give me something to put input in to," the blonde reasoned. Carly glared, turned back to the textbook ready to repeat the statistics when the apartment door swung open and was promptly slammed shut and locked by Freddie.

"What up with you Benson?" Sam asked.

Carly looked over her shoulder. "You're supposed to be at the gym with Gibby."

"I think I pulled a muscle in my arm," he said dropping down on the chair's foot rest. "My mom got home and caught me putting ice on it; she's ready to take me to the ER."

"Do you need to go to the ER?" Carly asked.

"No, I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Positive," he proved his point by stretching his arms out in front of him and then above his head. Carly watched him carefully for another moment before shrugging. "Okay." She stood, tossed her book on to the couch and disappeared into the kitchen.

"Unfortunately now my mom has deemed the gym as "too dangerous" and has forbidden me from going back." Carly reentered the room and handed him an ice pack.

"Aw, just when I thought you might be turning into a jock." Carly smiled and ruffled his hair. He batted her hand away.

"Carls, Freddork could live at the gym and he'd still be a nerd." Sam said as she sat up properly. However, and Sam wouldn't say this out loud, she did like that Freddie was going to the gym; it made there fights a little more interesting. That and an attractive nerd was always more enjoyable to have around.

"You know you could always take the weight training and conditioning class at school." She suggested casually. This was their last week of health class and they needed to decide which P.E. credit they would be picking up for the second half of the semester. She had picked the weight training class to play to her strengths, literally, but having Freddie in the class could be amusing.

"She's right," Carly agreed sitting back down next to Sam. "You're mom doesn't have to know it's anymore than a regular required gym class, you have access to the school's weight room and you get credit for it."

"I don't know," Freddie didn't mind using the new gym at the apartments because he didn't have to interact with the kids from school.

"Come on Benson, between me, Gibby and the coach we might still be able to make a man out of you."

Rather than retort back Freddie rolled his eyes and leaned his head back to think. Six months ago he would have refused immediately. Stupid insecurities. But now he liked to think he didn't have so much to worry about.

"Alright, I'll do it," Freddie agreed. He glanced at the door and then back at the girls. "Could I stay for din-"

"Dinner is served!"

Spencer entered the living room balancing four plates each carrying a slice of what looked like pizza. They were passed around and as Carly took her plate she looked more carefully at the toppings. She wasn't sure what was on it but it definitely wasn't pepperoni.

"Spencer what kind of pizza is this?"

Spencer swallowed the bite he'd taken. "Leftover dinner pizza."

"And what exactly is on the leftover dinner pizza?"

"Monday's leftover meatloaf, Tuesday's leftover pork chops, and the leftover bacon from this morning."

"Of course," Carly said finally taking a bite. It wasn't that bad.

"You guys never have leftovers," Freddie said, also after accepting the food as edible. "Were you under house arrest again Sam?"

"Ha, ha." She glared briefly at him before returning to her own already half eaten slice of pizza.

"She was avoiding helping me with our health project," Carly explained. "Speaking of which do you have any idea how bad this is for us."

Sam only heard about half the reasons the pizza was early death on a plate before she was in the kitchen to get two or three more slices. It would frustrate Carly to no end that she ate like a grown man and wasn't overweight or out of shape while the brunette was a healthy eater and exercised regularly. She chalked it up to good genetics, the only thing she'd ever thank her family for. The one thing about her body that ever bothered her was when she was too short to reach the cookies on the top shelf of the cabinet. To get them it either meant exerting energy or asking for help; neither solutions she was pleased with choosing.

"After we finish dinner Sam we have to finish this project," Carly shouted from the living room.

"Can't we work on it tomorrow it's not due till Friday."

"I've got my date tomorrow and we both know you won't do any of the work unless I'm there forcing you to."

Sam grunted, returning her attention to her pizza and was joined by Freddie who had come to retrieve a second piece before she finished it. It was also likely he wanted to get out of the living room. No one was really a big fan of Carly's new boyfriend but at least Sam and Freddie just avoided talking about him. Spencer made no attempt to like him. Brian seemed nice, but something about him just bothered the group.

"So how many dates have you been on with that boy?" Spencer asked.

"Tomorrow's will make five."

Carly knew what he was getting at; none of her relationships ever lasted past a few dates. It was something no one could explain, even when she seemed to be completely compatible with the boy of the month.

Five dates was longer than average but they could all tell Spencer was waiting for Carly to run in crying from her break up only to be completely over it by morning.

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><p><strong>I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter of my story. If you're not convinced yet the next chapter I'll put up in a few days might do the trick. I do hope you will continue reading. And if it means anything to you it should update regularly. Leave a review.<strong>

**LovingMyLife**


	2. Chapter 2

**The story is still going at a pretty slow pace but you'll get to see the beginnings of Carly's situation coming along and Sam and Freddie being left together due to Carly's dates, this is going to be frequent. Thanks to everyone who reviewed you guys are awesome.**

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><p><strong>iAm Not Okay<strong>

**Chapter Two**

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><p>The next evening Sam knocked twice on the Shay's apartment door before entering. She knew Carly was out for her date but when had her absence ever stopped Sam coming over and eating their food?<p>

"Spencer I'm raiding the fridge!"

"He's out grocery shopping," Sam nearly collided with Freddie when she entered the kitchen. "There isn't much to eat." Sam looked over Freddie. He was carrying a bowl of popcorn and wearing an old t-shirt and plaid pajama pants.

"This'll do." She snatched the bowl of popcorn and went to sit on the couch. "What are you doing here if Carly's not home?"

"She asked me to come over and watch the Galaxy Wars movie marathon with Spence so he wouldn't be obsessing over her date." Freddie sat down next to her trying to steal a handful of popcorn.

"Don't you mean so you won't obsess over her date." She smirked and pulled the popcorn out of reach, slapping his hand hard enough for him to pull it away in pain.

"Ha, ha," he looked over his hand carefully. "When was the last time I obsessed about Carly going on a date?"

He watched Sam think, her brow furrowed and it felt like minutes had passed but it had only been a few seconds. She turned to him.

"I'm impressed Fredison, did you join a twelve step program or something." Freddie shrugged. He wasn't sure when it started but his concern over who Carly was dating was becoming less and less significant by the day.

"Things change."

"If that's true then why don't you like Brian?"

"Something about him just bugs me I guess,"

"Like what?"

Freddie tried to think of a particular trait about Brian that made him seem untrustworthy. "He acts polite and nice but sometimes I feel like he's subtly being rude, like its all fake."

"What do you mean?"

"Remember before their last date when he came to pick up Carly, he was a little early and he said to her he could "wait until she finished getting ready" but she never said she wasn't ready and she certainly didn't look unready." Freddie knew his explanation sounded off but he really did see what Brian said as an insult to Carly.

"Maybe he just assumed she wasn't ready because he was early and didn't actually take notice to whether she was or not." Sam wasn't trying to defend the guy, but Freddie truly had some idea of what was wrong with him and she wanted to understand. Right now she just said she got bad vibes from him and that was that.

"Either way it's just not right, he's either set a standard for Carly that she can't reach or he's not giving her the attention that a guy should give his girlfriend."

Sam smiled, Freddie was such a gentleman it was almost annoying. He did have a point about Brian though and now that Sam knew what the problem with him was those moments of subtle jerkish-ness were standing out in her memory.

"You think she's noticed?" Sam snapped out of her thoughts and looked at the boy next to her carefully. Crush or no crush, Carly was important to him and he was worried about her.

"Probably not," she said honestly. "Carly sees the best in people, usually until it's too late."

Sam handed the popcorn bowl to Freddie. It was empty, of course, except for a few un-popped kernels. When he looked up Sam was opening the door to leave.

"Wait, where are you going?"

"Home, you don't expect me to stick around here and watch Galaxy Wars with a couple of nerds now that the popcorn is gone do you?"

"I can make more popcorn," Sam looked around at him, her hand still on the doorknob ready to leave. "And Spencer is going to be back any minute now with a ton of food." She immediately let go, pushed the door closed and joined him on the couch once more.

"Chop, chop with the popcorn Mama's still hungry."

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><p>Carly sat at the restaurant table smiling and giggling at her date trying to cover the low growls coming from her stomach. She had broken all dinner date rules by having an early lunch and not eating a snack beforehand. She was ready to stuff her face in a manner that would make Sam proud to call Carly her best friend.<p>

Brian was completely unaware of his date's growing hunger and was telling her about his week. He went to a different high school so they didn't see each other as often as most couples.

"Finally the food is here, I'm starving." Carly moved her drink and silverware out of the way so the waitress could put her plate down.

"I see we're cheating on our diet today."

"What?" Carly's fork stopped midair hovering over the carb filled pasta dish in front of her. "I'm not on a diet."

"Oh, I just assumed, you're always eating so healthy I thought you might be trying to lose a few pounds."

"I eat healthy so I stay healthy and maintain the weight I am." Carly placed her fork down and leaned back in her chair trying to decide if she should be offended.

Brian smiled and reached across the table to take her hand. "I'm sorry Carly, it's just that all the girls I know are all so cautious and careful with what they're eating, it's nice that you're so comfortable with the way you are."

Carly was confused. She brushed off her brief spurt of anger and gave the boy a small smile but still she looked confused. Was he saying she was fine the way she was, that he liked her the way she was? A minute ago she was sure he implied that she needed to lose weight.

She pulled her hand free of his and picked up her fork. She wanted to eat her dinner before it got cold. They talked casually through the meal. Carly downed half her plate in a few minutes but when she caught Brian giving her strange looks, as well as a few of the other restaurant patrons, she started pacing herself and in the end even left a few stray pieces of pasta in the dish.

"Will we be having desert tonight or would you like the bill?" The waitress had appeared noticing the empty plates.

Brian turned to her, "Did you want to get dessert, if I were you I'd be full from all that pasta but if you're still hungry-" his expression was odd, not a smile at all but like that look Spencer gave her when she is having trouble making a decision even when the right choice is obvious. It was a look she got surprisingly often.

"I'm good." Carly answered quickly. "You know how filling pasta can be," she rubbed her stomach for emphasis.

"Then I guess will take the check please," Brian smiled charmingly at the waitress who hurried off with their used dishes and a blush on her cheeks.

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><p>When Carly walked into her apartment it was late, Spencer would certainly already be asleep. At least Carly was hoping he was so she could avoid the usually post date interrogation. She gently closed the door and locked it. She turned towards the coffee table to grab the remote and turn the TV off but stopped when she saw not Spencer asleep on the couch but Sam and Freddie. Freddie was on one end slouched down with his feet on the table and Sam was at the other end half hanging over the armrest.<p>

"Don't you two ever go home?" Carly whispered and turned off the television. She shook Sam awake and told her to go upstairs and borrow some pajamas. While Sam stumbled up the stairs Carly woke Freddie long enough for him to lie down properly on the couch. She tossed a blanket over him and followed Sam up the stairs.

"How was your date?" Sam asked once she was settled on to the loveseat in Carly's room. Carly didn't answer. Sam looked over her shoulder at her friend; she was standing in front of the mirror with her hair brush held loosely in her hand. She was just staring at her reflection.

"Carls?"

"Huh?"

"I asked how your date was."

"Oh it's was fine."

"Fine?" Sam looked disbelieving. "Just fine?"

"Yeah, is that a problem?"

"No, no its just your dates are never just fine, usually they're amazingly fantastic and you just have to tell me about this one cute little thing that Brian did, and then this other cute little thing Brian said and then-"

"I get it; did you want me to tell you everything about my date?"

"Oh, no," Sam said shaking her head. "I'm going to bed." With that she stretched out across the small couch, one leg hanging off the side.

"Good night." Carly turned back to the mirror. She hadn't realize it until Sam had called for her attention but she been starring at her body's reflection. She had always been thin, never had that fact been questioned by anyone including herself. Sam pointed out on a regular basis that the Shay siblings were stick like and Carly felt that it was just recently she was starting to get curvier. Was her getting curvier making her look pudgy? Was there suddenly a different standard for thin that she was no longer at?

Then again maybe she was just being silly and overreacting from a few days of slightly unhealthy food. Maybe all she really needed was some sleep.

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><p><strong>Just to let you guys know this is not the typical one of the girls develops an eating disorder story. Carly's problem isn't just based on malnutrition but will involve other aspects as well. None reach high extremes but together they are going to start effecting her.<strong>

**thanks for reading. Leave a review its always great to hear what the readers think. **

**The next chapter will go up Friday or Saturday**.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks to everyone who has been leaving reviews and adding this story to favorites and alerts. It really means a lot of me. Also it was brought my attention that it is difficult to blackmail someone with a video that's already been seen. I assure you that's already occurred to me and trust me its all been worked out. Anyways I believe this chapter starts to pick up the pace for the story. A new character has been introduced by the name of Ronan. If you see the name Regan anywhere that's my bad that was the original name of the character but I decided it didn't fit. I tried to change them all over but I may have missed one.**

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><p><strong>iAm Not Okay<strong>

**Chapter Three**

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><p>The first day of the new gym classes were never exciting. Protocol and goals were set, introductions were made and the weight training class was lectured on proper use of the equipment and punishments for improper use of equipment.<p>

Normally the rule and punishment portion of the first day conversation was directed at Sam but she liked to think she wasn't stupid or reckless enough to mess around with equipment that was heavier than her and could easily crush parts of her body.

Class finished up about ten minutes early and the coach gave them the option to use some of the beginner equipment or go down to the gym and run laps. Option two didn't appeal to anyone so the fifteen students were sitting around the weight room with the allusion of waiting for a turn with something or another.

Sam looked over the students carefully. There were four other girls in the class that she thought might be on one of the school teams; but she wasn't sure. She could count the number of school games she'd been to on one hand and was positive they were all for mens teams.

The rest of the class was boys and Freddie and Gibby. They were chatting by one of the weight benches and Sam suddenly felt like she'd slipped into the twilight zone. Never would she have even imagined she would one day be in a weight lifting class with Fredward Benson. And the fact that he actually knew what he was doing was even more disturbing.

"Don't hurt yourself again Benson." Sam joined the iCarly boys just in time to watch Freddie lay back on the weight bench.

"Thanks for the confidence boost Sam, it's really appreciated," she shrugged carelessly.

"You're the one who got hurt the other day."

"Only because Gibby put too much weight on the bar," Freddie retorted.

"Hey, don't put the blame on me I only did what you told me to." Gibby spoke up defensively.

"I told you to add twenty pounds," Freddie said sitting back up.

"I did,"

"Yeah, on both sides," As the two boys started bickering back and forth Sam clenched her fists in annoyance. Usually others arguing entertained her but she hadn't walked all the way across the room to be ignored.

"Break it up you two, no one wants to see a couple of dorks fighting." She paused. "At least not right now," she added.

Sam smiled at them while they glared at her. It was fun making them mad; Freddie in particular because he never stayed mad at her. She would occasionally time how long it would take before he got over it and smile at her again. Recently that time had shortened dramatically.

Like now he was already smiling again. Odd, that was probably a record. Then, before Sam could stop him, Freddie grabbed her arm and pulled her over to the only table set up in the room. He released her arm, took a seat and motioned to the chair across from him. "Sit."

Sam crossed her arms. People didn't tell her what to do. Especially nubs.

Her expression must have conveyed this because Freddie promptly added a please.

"Why?"

"I want you to arm wrestle me." He answered simply.

Sam face broke into a grin that was shortly followed by laughter. "You're kidding right, there is no way you could beat me in arm wrestling."

"I know that, I never said I wanted to beat you,"

"Explain," Sam said and took the seat across from him.

"I want to track my progress by keeping a record of how long it takes you to beat me to see how I improve," Sam didn't quite see the point of this but Freddie seemed so proud of his idea that she found herself lifting her arm and placing her elbow on the table.

"Gibby, time us." He pulled his phone from his pocket and handed it to Gibby. They were starting to draw the attention of the class now but neither seemed to care that much.

"Are you ready?" Gibby had the pear phone raised ready to start. He looked between the two and they locked hands. He placed his hand on top of theirs.

"3, 2, 1," He lifted his hand and hit the start button simultaneously. The button was pushed again a little over a second and a half later. Sam had won no shock there. She was a little surprised that she had to put in some effort but after that revelation it ended quickly.

"Not bad for a first try Fredward," Sam complimented.

"Thanks," only Freddie could take being beaten by a girl so well. Sam and Carly had been his best friends for years now so she supposed he was used to it.

"Way to be a first-class loser, Benson." Sam turned in her chair to see who addressed her opponent. A tall boy with messy dark hair dressed in the same gym uniform as the rest of them was applauding somewhat sarcastically with a smirk on his face. "What? Not gonna ask for a rematch, give some reason for that pitiful display."

Sam glared at the boy. He must be new. Losing to Sam Puckett wasn't something to be ashamed of; Mama always wins. She was also a little annoyed that he was throwing insults at Freddie because as anyone at the school could tell you that was her job.

"Sam this is Ronan," Freddie told her, "we were in the same health class and he just started here this semester."

That explained it, he was oblivious because he was new. She could remedy that. Sam smiled at Ronan as an idea quickly formed in her head. "Take a seat Ronan."

"You're going to arm wrestle me?" Sam's smile was becoming smugger with each passing second. She typically didn't give people the chance to underestimate her. It happened so often, no doubt because she was petite and blonde.

"You're going to arm wrestle him." She stood and nodded her head in Freddie's direction. Freddie looked appropriately shocked.

Ronan shrugged and moved to take her seat. Sam walked around the table to stand behind Freddie, when she was close enough he started to protest quietly. "Sam I don't think this is a good-"

"Just adjust your elbow a little and you'll be fine."

Sam could tell Freddie didn't like this idea. Losing to her he was used to; losing to this jerk would qualify as embarrassing. Finally the two boys gripped each other's hand, Freddie, Sam noticed was adjusting his elbow almost frantically.

"Relax." The moment she said it he stopped fidgeting.

"Don't worry Benson this will be over quick." Ronan was really starting to irk Sam's nerves and she was hoping she wasn't putting too much confidence in Freddie.

Gibby placed his hand over the others. He looked worried, maybe a little scared at how their extra class time was being used.

"3, 2, 1," Gibby lifted his hand not bothering with the timer this time. Nobody was trying to improve; this fight was a matter of who would win or lose.

And who would win or lose indeed. As far as the on looking class could tell the boys were evenly matched. Occasionally one would get the upper hand and it would appear they were going to get a winner only for the other to find a sudden burst of strength.

In the end there was no winner. The coach entered the room and sent them to the locker rooms; when they broke out into complaints the coach shut them down. They'd have to finish the fight another day.

"I'm not going to lie to you Benson, I'm impressed." Ronan slapped Freddie on the shoulder. They were in the locker room changing out of their gym uniforms. Freddie had been less than thrilled when Sam volunteered him to arm wrestle with Ronan. He was a jock and it was obvious to everyone within thirty feet of him. This was because as soon as you entered his line of sight you were given the detailed history of his athletic career.

"Thanks." To be honest Freddie was impressed with himself. "Sorry about Sam putting us on the spot like that she usually doesn't think before making decisions."

"It's cool man, she's just a tough chick." Something about the way Ronan said what he said irritated him. Sam wasn't just a 'tough chick.' Tough was an understatement really and it was only one word of many that could be used to _start to_ describe Sam. He'd like to see someone try to describe her in one word, funny, devious, manipulative had all been used; Freddie particularly liked using the word 'demon' in reference to his blonde headed friend.

"Sam's a little more than tough," he finally replied, somewhat defensively.

"Dude, I'm sure she is," Ronan held up his hands and shook his head. "Not trying to insult your girl or anything."

"She's not my girlfriend," Freddie replied automatically. The three friends had gotten quite good at debunking any rumors of relationships between them and it no longer came as a shock when someone asked.

"Seriously?"

Freddie nodded.

"So you take all that damage from her and you're not getting anything in return?" Ronan asked skeptically.

"What do you-oh man no!" Freddie closed his locker and shook his head to emphasis the point.

"I'm sorry dude I just figured there must be some reason you put up with her, all she did was abuse you during class and she is a good looking girl so you know," Freddie was still mad. Ronan made a point though; everyone wondered why Freddie put up with Sam's near constant torture.

"We have a complicated friendship."

"Right, again I'm sorry for uh, jumping to conclusions," Ronan held out a fist to Freddie. "We cool?"

Cool? We're they cool? Sure Ronan had never gone out of his way to pick on him but, as seen earlier, he didn't pass up an opportunity to put him down. Maybe he proved something during their arm wrestling match? Maybe this new found physical strength would give him some sort of acceptance with the other guys in the class.

Not that he was looking for acceptance from anyone but it'd be nice not have these guys harassing him; maybe they could even be friends; he was always saying he could use more guy friends.

"We're cool." He bumped his fist with Ronan's.

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><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed this chapter, feel free to leave a review and tell me what you think.<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**For those of you have ****sensed it Ronan is definitely ****an antagonist in this story as you will start to see even more obviously in this chapter. Loving all your reviews so far.**

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><p><strong>iAm Not Okay<strong>

**Chapter Four**

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><p>As it turned out Freddie had become friends with Ronan Morris. And the guys he hung out with in class. Though Freddie wasn't completely sure about these friends; they didn't have all that much in common. Freddie had to bite his tongue whenever he started to say something about his computer or homework. A few slip ups had received strange looks and required quick cover ups<p>

So why stay friends with them. It did have its advantages. He was definitely the most popular nerd at Ridgeway. Not that he hadn't had friends before, despite what Sam may have said, but now the people who said hey to him in the hallways weren't just fellow academic club members. The guys from class, students that were considered well liked throughout the school, and not to mention the growing amount of girls who seemed to find him attractive.

But that point did bring up another negative. Maybe it was being brought up by a solely maternal influence; or maybe it was the side effects of your two best friends being female. Not only could he not act like Ronan did around girls but he just wasn't okay with it.

So of course he didn't understand why so many girls were okay with it. Maybe they liked the attention? Maybe they liked when guys talked about them like they were objects? He didn't get it so he didn't say anything. If one of the many girls Ronan and his friends approached acted insulted he probably would have said something.

And this situation did arise one day but Ronan approached the two girls who weren't going to need Freddie's help.

You see Carly and Sam were never okay with guys entering their personal space uninvited. Carly would promptly tell you to step back; Freddie knew this from experience. Sam was less polite and if she felt you were standing to close, or heaven forbid, actually touching her, she caused you enough pain that you no longer came within twenty feet of her.

It was during lunch one day that Ronan learned this for himself.

"Sam do you want my cookie?" Carly was sitting next to Freddie and across the table from Sam. She was holding out the chocolate chip cookie from her lunch bag. Sam took the cookie slowly.

"What's up, you've never given me your cookie before, it's your favorite part." Carly almost always packed a cookie with her lunch and at least once a week Sam would ask if she could have it. Carly never gave in though; usually she warded off Sam with half of her sandwich or whatever else she brought for lunch.

"I'm just trying to eat healthier I guess." Now Sam and Freddie were both looking at her like she was crazy.

"You eat plenty healthy, more so then any teenager willingly eats." Freddie gestured to her lunch. A turkey wrap, an apple, baked potato chips, water.

"Remember that movie we watched in health a couple weeks ago?" Carly asked. Sam shook her head. "You know the one with the guy who ate nothing but fast food for a whole month," Sam continued to shake her head.

"Must have been asleep."

"Rebecca Berkowitz had to leave the room when the guy threw up."

"Oh yeah," Sam said as the light bulb finally went on in her head. "That poor queasy girl."

"Well anyways I think the movie has me all grossed out," Freddie shrugged and went back to his food, Sam made a comment about never giving up junk food before consuming the cookie in just a two bites.

"Hey Benson," Freddie looked up. Ronan had dropped in to the seat across from him and next to Sam. "What's up man?"

"Nothing much." Freddie noticed that Sam was suddenly looking annoyed. The smile that had come with the unexpected cookie was replaced with a scowl.

"You wanna hang after school, Coach is leaving the gym open."

"Can't, I've got an AV club meeting later."

"Seriously Benson?" Ronan snickered. "You can re-dork-ify yourself after, the gym is only going to be open a couple of hours."

"Sorry man but the teachers are having us download this new software to the computers in the school lab."

Freddie didn't miss the eye roll Ronan gave but choose to ignore it.

"What about you Puckett, you can spot me." The boy winked and Freddie counted all the mistakes Ronan made in the next few seconds. He threw his arm over Sam's shoulders, stole one of the French fries off her lunch tray and made an inappropriate comment. You see the spotter stood over you while you were lifting on the weight bench and as Freddie found out earlier in class this week if a girl was spotting for you, you had a very clear view of said girl's chest.

Ronan had broken three rules in a matter of three seconds. You don't touch Sam, you don't eat Sam's food and you don't treat Sam like anything less than a lady no matter how un-lady like she acts.

This was why Ronan found himself sitting on the cafeteria floor a second later due to a painful elbow to the gut.

"I've got plans Morris." Ronan stood slowly, smirking through the pain that they all know he was pretending he wasn't in.

"What a shame," he went to reach for her shoulder again but seemed to think better of it. His eyes moved across the table to the brunette girl. "Carly right?" She nodded. She sensed Sam's annoyance with their guest and proceeded with some caution. Sam didn't seem to like him but he was a friend of Freddie's so how bad could he be.

"Well Carly you are completely welcome to join as it seems your friends are both occupied later," Ronan looked over Carly and Freddie once more. As he turned to leave his hand brushed over Sam's shoulder, pushing her hair back, she spun around to hit him but he was already out of arm's reach and shouting a goodbye over his shoulder.

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><p>Sam didn't like Ronan or his friends. She didn't like that Freddie was friends with them. She understood why he was of course; they raised his social status, something he never cared a whole lot about but who didn't like a little extra attention when it made them feel good about themselves.<p>

But they were jerks; and yeah coming from her that was a little hypocritical but as of recently Sam was jerkish to fewer people; other jerks, stupid people, people who deserved it and Freddie when she was bored or trying to keep a sense of normalcy between them. Sometimes she felt she was being too nice to him and that was just weird.

Not to mention Ronan really wasn't Freddie's friend. Sam figured this out after a few more of their classes had passed and they never went back to their arm wrestling match. She knew why Freddie wasn't bringing it up; he didn't usually go out of his way to embarrass himself. But Sam and Ronan were the only ones who knew he wouldn't. Ronan never brought it up because he knew the chances of him loosing were high. If he befriended Freddie then it wouldn't be so weird to not bring up the match again.

Sam mentioned this to him one day. Freddie had been distracted helping Gibby with something and Ronan was far enough from his friends that the conversation wouldn't be over heard.

She'd casually pointed out that he hadn't challenged Freddie to a rematch and he nonchalantly brushed it off saying there was no reason to continue a match when they already knew the outcome.

"Don't want to lose to a nerd, Morris." Sam smirked. Ronan stood nearly a foot taller than her but with the way she radiated confidence he may as well been a foot shorter than her.

"Guess that's something we have in common."

In Ronan's defense he was standing up to her better than most. He didn't flinch when she stepped closer but Sam figured it was his ego manipulating her actions to what worked for him. It was the only explanation she could give for why he would think it was okay to touch her.

That was the first time he did; sure it was just her arm that he ran his hand down but accompanied by the look in his eyes she knew he was just getting started. That he didn't just want to touch her arm and that she needed to put a stop to it now.

She had bent back his arm, twisted it painfully and pushed him roughly against the wall. She didn't say a word. When he had steadied himself and turned back to her he looked a little disgruntled but traded it for an amused smile instead. Sam was so irritated with him that she spun on her heel and stomped off to join Freddie and Gibby.

Neither boy noticed that through the rest of class Ronan stared at Sam and she glared at him in return.

After that class Ronan would go out of his way to put himself in her presence and subtly enter her personal bubble so that no one really thought twice about it. He was less covert about gawking at her and when he could get away with it making a rude comment or two. In fact if he made one more remark about _any _part of her she was going to break his legs; even if they were in the middle of class.

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><p><strong>Hope you liked this chapter as much as you liked the past few. I know its a little shorter than the others but you'll get another update on Saturday and maybe even a special extra update for Valentines Day if I don't decide to write (don't have time to write) a one-shot for the occasion.<br>**


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay next chapter coming at you. For those of you who caught it in the last chapter the video from health class was Super-Size Me (which i don't own by the way). I originally had no intention of referencing it but it just sort of came out as I was writing. Sometimes that's how the chapters turn out the best you know. When you know were you need to end up but you're not sure how to get there so you just start typing. It happened to me a lot while I was writing this story. So anyways I hope you enjoy this chapter. **

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><p><strong> iAm Not Okay<strong>

**Chapter Five**

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><p>As the week passed Freddie realized that he should say something to Ronan about the way he was treating Sam. Not because Sam couldn't take care of herself but because she could take care of herself. She had landed herself in detention three times already for slapping Ronan, punching Ronan in the gut and attempting to break Ronan's nose.<p>

And this was information he had to learn from one of Ronan's friends. He tried asking Sam why she'd been in detention all week and all she told him was to mind his own business. When he asked Carly she said that Sam told her not to tell him though he didn't understand why she didn't want him to know.

He had overheard the tail end of a conversation between Ronan and a fellow jock.

"-so Briggs put her in detention."

And "you must really wanna get this girl cause she packs one hell of a punch."

"It's like a game man, and I'm not giving up till I win."

Later he asked Ronan's friend, Justin or Jacob it didn't really matter, and he told Freddie about Ronan wanting to get with Sam and Sam's blunt turn downs. He explained that Ronan had always been very hands on with girls because they rarely turned him away.

Freddie didn't care much what other girls did, Sam had told Ronan to back off so he should.

How Freddie planned to tell him that was not so simple. Did he say that he didn't like the way Ronan treated all girls so the focus wasn't so much on Sam? Or did he specifically bring up the situation with Sam?

In the end he just improvised on the spot; all plans of what he was going to say were thrown out the window.

He was heading into the locker rooms after class, he had stayed late to finish up another arm wrestling match with Sam. He was getting better, millisecond by millisecond. But due to his delay he once again caught the end of a conversation he probably wasn't supposed to hear; only this time his presence didn't go unnoticed.

"How many of these am I supposed to take?"

"One is recommended, its okay to take two though."

"And they really work, I just want-" Ronan's friend, now confirmed to be Joey, stopped mid sentence when he saw Freddie. The rest of the boys had already cleared out of the locker room. Ronan turned. He was momentarily startled by Freddie his eyes widened briefly before he quickly brushed it off.

"Benson's cool don't worry about it, take two." Joey still looked uncertain but he took two pills from the bottle in his hand and gave it to Ronan.

"Thanks man, catch you later." Freddie saw Joey grab up his backpack and leave while he changed out of his gym uniform. When he pulled his Penny-T over his head he realized Ronan was now leaning against the locker next to his.

"Seriously Benson you're not gonna say anything right, I know you can be a bit of a goodie two shoes and all." Freddie shook his head.

"Good call."

He knew he should say something, the shady manner of the conversation made it pretty obvious that Ronan had given Joey pills that he wasn't supposed to be taking. Probably for bulking up or muscle enhancement. Point was both boys were on the basketball team and neither of them should have them.

But if he did tell he'd probably get his face pounded in, so he'd keep his mouth shut.

"You ever consider taking these," again Freddie shook his head.

Not only was his mother crazy protective about his health and safety she was also a nurse. She brought home videos they used for teaching classes at the hospital. He'd been forced to sit through hours of footage on the results and side effects of drug abuse, steroid abuse, eating disorders, depression, self harm, abstinence, STDs, teen pregnancy and the list went on and on. He'd been so freaked out by some of the videos that for a week he wouldn't stand within ten feet of Carly and Sam or look them directly in the eye. When asked why they never received an answer, he'd go red in the face and excuse himself from the room.

Peer pressure stood no chance against the shield his mother had built around him.

Now how all this tied back to talking to Ronan about the way he treated Sam; that came next.

"Too bad, I bet it'd give you an advantage over Puckett." Ronan tossed the bottle back into his bag and Freddie closed his locker.

"Yeah, I'll never have an advantage over her." As they started to leave Freddie finally pushed down the part of him shouting about how bad of an idea this was and spoke up.

"Ronan, can I talk to you about something."

"I'm kind of in a hurry Benson,-"

"It's about Sam," Freddie saw Ronan's face light up with interest and a grin cross his face. He suddenly had all the time in the world.

"What about her?"

"Uh, well," Freddie was having trouble getting the words out. All he could think was that Sam would kill him if she ever found out that he was doing this. She completely believed that she could take care of herself without any help. "I've noticed that you're um very uh touchy with her and a lot of girls actually and I mean that's cool if it's cool with them but I noticed you're more so with Sam and I was just wondering if you could maybe uh not be."

Ronan's eye brows rose and his smile faltered. Freddie was trying to figure out when he aged backwards to a bumbling twelve year old. A few awkward moments passed and suddenly Ronan laughed and hit him on the shoulder.

"I thought you told me you didn't have a thing for her."

"What, I uh don't its just-"

"Man nobody cares that much unless they're interested themselves."

"Look," Freddie said as forcefully as he could. "Sam's my friend and I care about her," he took a deep breath. "She made it clear that she's not okay with you touching her so don't."

"Alright, chill Benson, I'll leave her alone." He held up his hands.

Freddie watched Ronan leave. He was surprised he backed off so fast but didn't think much on it. His attention was more focused on Ronan's earlier statement. He kept telling himself that he was mad at Ronan because Sam was his friend and that guys shouldn't treat a girl like that. He hadn't considered he might be being protective of her for other reasons.

* * *

><p>"You wanna catch a movie tonight?" Sam asked. She leaned her shoulder against her locker; Carly was loading books into her bag probably for homework.<p>

"How about tomorrow, I've got a date with Brian tonight."

"Tomorrow works, you wanna stop at the Groovy Smoothie on the way home?" Sam noticed Carly freeze briefly in her packing. She brushed it off as her considering the offer.

"I probably shouldn't, I've got to get my homework and stuff done before Brian gets there and I've got that huge chemistry test tomorrow I've got to study for."

Sam looked at her curiously. "Alright I know this is going to sound odd coming from me but don't you think you should stay home and study, I mean if it was me I'd ditch the work altogether but you've been busting your butt to keep an A in chemistry."

"I know, but it's not like I'm not going to study at all and you know I never get to see Brian so I don't want to cancel on him." Carly closed her locker and turned to face her friend. "We'll get smoothies before the movie tomorrow okay."

"Alright."

"And call Freddie and ask him to help you study for your Math test tomorrow."

Sam groaned. "Do I have to?"

"Do you want to repeat the class?" Carly asked.

"No." Sam replied, drawing out the 'o.'

"Then I suggest you call him."

"Fine." Sam gave in. At least she could still get a smoothie.

"Bye."

"Later."

Sam reached into her pocket, pulled out her cell and dialed Freddie's number. He picked up on the second ring.

"Hey Sam."

"You're buying me a smoothie."

"I don't remember agreeing to that."

"Just meet me at the Groovy Smoothie in fifteen minutes." Sam sighed loudly. Why did they always do this? In the end he always got her a smoothie and sometimes she even thanked him.

"I've got an AV club meeting, shouldn't take long but I'm gonna need more than fifteen minutes."

"Twenty minutes then."

"I'll meet you there in half an hour."

Sam groaned. "Fine thirty minutes and bring your old Math book." She hung up the phone and turned to her locker so she could grab her own Math book. Her entire combination was almost in when she felt someone's hand run down her back and tug on the back pocket of her jeans.

She stepped backwards to balance herself and jammed her heel into the foot of the person behind her. She turned around grabbing the offending hand and prepared to break the fingers attached to it. She was stopped when Mr. Howard appeared around the corner and gave her a warning glare.

She dropped Ronan's hand.

"Sounds like you've got some spare time, we could have a lot of fun in thirty minutes." He reached out to touch her arm but she dodged him.

"I'd rather walk on broken glass than spend _one_ minute with you," she hoisted her backpack higher on her shoulder. "The next time you come near me, be prepared to lose your fingers or worse."

Normally she would have shoved or punched the person she was pissed at but with Ronan she wanted to avoid all contact with him; even when it came to inflicting pain. She side stepped the boy who was still analyzing how likely she was to follow through on her threats and started her walk to the Groovie Smoothie.

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><p><strong>Alright that's another chapter down; let me know what you guys think. <strong>


	6. Chapter 6

**Special Valentine's Day update because I didn't write a one-shot like I wanted too. Anyways I think you all will really like this chapter because we have Sam and Freddie bonding. We also have a Carly date. I'm not sure because I originally wrote this a while ago but I think there was supposed to be parallels between the two somewhere. **

**I also love that so many of you hate Ronan. Its nice to know that I'm writing him the right way and that you all want to push him off a cliff. Personally I always say I want the bad guy to fall down the stairs because I have a personal fear of falling down stairs. Anyways this is just the tip of the ice berg (or what ever the phrase is) because I'm pretty sure you'll hate him even more in coming chapters.**

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><p><strong>iAm Not Okay<strong>

**Chapter Six**

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><p>The Groovy Smoothie was just starting to get busy with the after school rush when Sam entered. She looked around and was annoyed to see all the usual tables she sat at were taken. She could have forced one of the tables clear with a few well aimed glares but instead decided to take a table near the back. If Freddie was going to make her study then she wasn't going to let a bunch of loud kids distract her.<p>

She shouted her order to T-Bo, a few of the customers scowled at her but she didn't pay them any attention. She was in a far worse mood then them due to her last encounter with Ronan. She couldn't get that jerk to leave her alone no matter what she did. Threats and following through with those threats were not working. The only person Sam had told about Ronan's inability to keep his hands to himself was Carly who suggested she talk to one of the teachers or Principal Franklin.

Sam refused. She wanted to handle the situation herself just like she had always done; she could count the number of times she'd actually asked for help on one hand.

Like Freddie helping her with her Math class. That was Carly's idea. She found out Sam was having a hard time in that class and that if she failed her options to retake the class were summer school, which they both knew would never happen, or next year and that would make it impossible for her to graduate on time. Carly then announced that Freddie would tutor Sam and there would be no complaints. And Sam was okay with it because she didn't want to stay in high school any longer than necessary and admittedly she didn't mind spending time with Freddie.

But that was something she was only slowly starting to accept.

Before Sam's mind could go any farther down that road she reached for her bag to get her Math book. She was about to open it when T-Bo placed a smoothie in front of her.

"About time." She snatched up the smoothie and gulped half it down hoping the strawberryness would calm her. It didn't.

When a hand dropped down on her shoulder she grabbed it with both her own hands, twisted around and pinned the hand's owner to the floor. When she realized the back her knee was digging into was clad in a blue plaid shirt she quickly stood and debated with herself whether she needed to apologize and help him up or stand there and glower.

"Sorry Fredward, I didn't know it was you." She apologized but didn't help him up. He grumbled something incoherent and picked himself up off the floor.

"Not having a good day?" He didn't sound snappy despite being wrestled to the ground. Sam's apology sounded sincere; it was such a rare occurrence that Freddie forgave her instantly.

"I've had better," she replied. They took their seats and Freddie started taking his books and binders from his bag. "You're here earlier than I expected."

"I was able to get away sooner than I thought."

"Oh." Freddie got up to go order a smoothie leaving Sam to consider his statement. Freddie was always serious about his AV club meetings; he'd never missed one. And he didn't say the meeting ended early, he said he was able to get away.

He had left his meeting early to come help her; because she had rudely told him too. The thought made Sam's stomach turn. But not in the awful, just ate meat that went bad kind of way. It was more like the feeling she got when there was one more Fat Cake left in the kitchen cabinet kind of way.

Again Sam went for her backpack when her thoughts started to focus too much on her dork of a companion. She flipped through the few things in the bag and was once again frustrated with the world and more specifically Ronan. She hadn't stuck around after he showed up to finish retrieving her Math book from her locker.

"So are you ready to get started?" Freddie was taking his seat across from her, smoothie in hand.

Sam turned to look at him with the sweetest smile she could fake.

"What?" He asked skeptically.

"I need to borrow your book."

"Did you just make me bring mine so you wouldn't have to carry your own –"

"Shut it Benson, I didn't forget the book on purpose."

"You remembered to tell me to bring-"

"Just drop it; I got distracted when I was getting my book okay." Freddie looked at her curiously when she snapped at him. She didn't sound angry, she sounded more upset. Freddie did as she asked and dropped the subject. He picked up his own book and moved to her side of the table. He sat down and asked where she wanted to start.

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><p>Carly dropped her textbook down on the counter and sighed. She had finished all her homework and was a few minutes into studying for her chemistry test. As she went over her study guide she realized just how much information she had to review. A glance at the clock told her she had thirty minutes before Brian would be picking her up. She was still in the clothes she wore to school; a t-shirt and jeans was rarely appropriate attire for a date.<p>

Another minute passed and the study guide seemed to grow longer. Carly knew she needed to study and as much as she would like to spend time with Brian her test was more important.

On cue her phone rang, Brian's name and picture flashed on the screen and she quickly answered.

"Hey Cutie."

"Hey, I'm just about to head over to pick you up, thought I'd give you fair warning so you'd be ready this time." Brian's pleasant tone drew Carly's attention away from the not so subtle reference to her running a little behind on their last date.

Carly sighed, forcing herself to make the best decision. "Yeah about that."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong really," she said hastily, "it's just that I have this really important chemistry test tomorrow and I haven't even put a dent in the information I need to study."

"So what you need to run out on our date early,"

"Well-"

"That's cool, I thought maybe after dinner we could have gone down to the park, there's a bunch of local bands playing, supposed to be a lot of fun, but if you've got work to do."

Carly was conflicted. She originally thought about canceling the date altogether but really she'd have to stop and eat dinner anyways and if Brian was already dressed and on his way over she didn't want to be rude.

She'd suggest a place nearby, grab a small meal and be back home with plenty of time to study.

"That would be great," she stood and ran up the stairs, phone still pressed to her ear. "I'll see you in a bit."

"See ya."

Carly hung up her phone, tossed it on her bed and opened the door to her closet. Brian didn't live that far away, she had maybe five minutes to change. She decided her jeans were fine and switched out her t-shirt for a pink blouse. She threw on a little more make-up, pulled her hair out of the sloppy ponytail it was currently in, and changed from her slippers to her sandals.

There was a knock on the door right as Carly shoved her phone into her purse. She ran down the stairs shouting I'll get it and threw open the door to the apartment. Brian stood in front of her looking quite perfect with his charming grin and perfect date outfit.

"Oh wow you look great and I'm a mess," Carly was wishing she had spared a second to put of a skirt.

"Don't worry about it, you said you needed to be back early tonight, we'll save the fancy dinner for another night, just give me fair warning okay I don't want to cancel any reservations." Brian joked and held out his hand to her.

Carly took his hand. She closed the apartment door and they started for the main elevator. As she walks she wishes for a moment that he would have said that she looked beautiful despite her rush to get ready. But then she reminded herself that she didn't live in a chick flick and boys didn't go around saying things like that.

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><p>If Carly could describe what she was feeling she would say she was uncertain. Not uncertain about what she was feeling but that she was uncertain about everything else. She was uncertain about her boyfriend, she was uncertain about her current diet, and she was uncertain if she was going to pass her test tomorrow.<p>

But mostly her diet.

Her test she could pass but she was going to have to stay up a lot later then she had planned.

And her boyfriend. She couldn't decide if he was the one acting odd or if it was her. Brian had seemed okay with her request for a quick dinner so she could get back to studying and he spoke with a sort of carelessness about the whole situation but some of the things he said were irritated words.

But she could understand if he was irritated. He had made plans for them and they were changed at the last minute. And even the irritated words faded as they ate dinner. They talked about school and a movie trailer they saw on TV. It wasn't until he mentioned what she was eating that she once again felt insulted.

She had only ordered a grilled chicken salad. She thought it would be quick and easy to eat and that they might even have time to grab dessert but when she went to suggest it he started talking first.

"_I see you got back to eating better, that's good."_

"_What?"_

"_Nothing, it's just that you said so yourself you'd been eating sort of unhealthy."_

After some internal debate she decided that he wasn't really out of line with that comment. She had said that she had eaten a couple of unhealthy meals and whenever Sam came over for dinner too many nights in a row she started eating larger portions.

So she didn't suggest any dessert.

And she'd watch to make sure she wasn't over eating.

It wasn't a big deal.

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><p>Sam couldn't remember a time that she actually had fun studying for a test. Carly had tried multiple times to make her at least tolerate school work and they had all failed. She had come up with games, tried incorporating things Sam enjoyed, and of course rewarding her with snacks. It turned out all she had to do was force Sam to share a book with Freddie.<p>

Why? Because sitting as close to Freddie as she was forced Sam to focus her attention on anything else, including the information in front of her.

They kept bumping into each other, their elbows especially because she was right handed and he was left handed. It had occurred to her that they could just switch seats. It had probably occurred to him to because every time they accidentally elbowed each other he looked at her like she was going to hit him. She hadn't yet. She wasn't going to either. As distracting as the brushing against him was she liked it and because she was focusing on studying she didn't have to think about the fact that she liked it.

But close proximity wasn't the only thing making the studying enjoyably. In fact if it was just that she'd probably be miserable. What was balancing out her mood was that she couldn't stop laughing.

She had started making jokes to avoid her work. Then Freddie started making jokes about the work; she knew he was just trying to get her to pay attention. But it must have been the sugar from the three smoothies she had ingested because Freddie wasn't all that funny and neither was algebra but here she was doubled over laughing.

"I'm not going to remember any of this tomorrow, I'm going to sit down at my desk take one look the problem and burst out laughing." Sam pushed the book as far away from her as she could and placed her head and arms on the table. "And I'm tired."

"You're not going to forget anything," Freddie said. He just barely caught the textbook before it went over the edge of the table. "You're going to take one look at the problem, remember which ever lame joke I made and then remember how to do the problem."

"You really think so," she mumbled. She really didn't want to go to summer school.

"Definitely." Freddie said reaching for his smoothie to check if there was any left. "You know you're actually really smart if you just work to remember things."

"I know, I know," she lifted her head. "I've heard it all a million times."

Freddie rolled his eyes. Sam was generally a lazy person. Unless she was determined to get something done, at which point she would go out of her way to make it happen. It's why he made bets with her so often. Sam loved to win no matter what she was winning at. It was a good way to trick her into getting school work done and if he had to do some silly somewhat humiliating task afterwards he supposed it was for the best.

"I think we've covered all the information on your test," he had started to pack up his things and missed the almost disappointed look Sam gave him. He checked his watch and realized it was nearly eight o'clock. Neither of them had eaten anything but smoothies since school let out. If Sam was tired it was probably because she hadn't eaten any substantial food; a very rare occurrence for her.

"Maybe I should grab another smoothie, I'm really hungry." Sam had slurped every last bit of her smoothie down and was debating getting just one more. If she didn't she would have to make something when she got home; if there was even anything to make she wasn't sure.

"That's not going to fill you up, why don't we walk over to Inside-Out-Burger." Freddie suggested.

"You know I'm broke, you bought my last two smoothies."

"I'll get you something to eat, anything to avoid eating whatever my mom made."

"At least your mom made something," Sam said and tossed her bag over her shoulder. "And are you sure you wanna commit to getting me food, you know how I eat."

"Oh I know, let's go before I come to my senses." Sam smiled and practically ran out the door. Freddie grabbed his jacket and followed.

As the two walked in step down the street and Freddie's arm bumped into hers. She didn't snap at him but her thoughts started to wander off. She couldn't help but notice how differently she reacted when came in contact with Ronan versus Freddie.

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><p><strong>Okay I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter and that you're all having a happy Valentine's Day. And for those of you who aren't fans of Valentine's Day than Happy Tuesday and always remember that the chocolate goes on sale soon. <strong>

**Please leave a review. Special thank yous to everyone who already has and extra special thanks to those who have left more than one.  
><strong>


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey everyone sorry for the gap between chapters. I had intended to put another one up Wednesday but I was extremely busy and then I wanted to update yesterday but I didn't have the chapter edited a final time. So here is this one and perhaps I will have another one up tomorrow is I can edit the next chapter. **

** I really was not looking forward to writing this one. I love Sam and I hate doing mean things to her, as I do with all the characters, but if I didn't we wouldn't have a story. Ronan gets even worse in this installment and I beginning to think he's becoming to awful. I blame it on my love of criminal minds (tv show), Ronan doesn't seem nearly as sick as the unsubs do.**

** Another note is that i'm not a huge fan of the next chapter. I think it turned out alright but I had some serious issues writing parts of it. If you all don't enjoy it at least stick with me till chapters nine and ten cause I know you'll love them. Lots of Seddie.**

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><p><strong>iAm Not Okay<strong>

**Chapter Seven**

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><p>Sam was back at the Groovie Smoothie the next afternoon and true to her word Carly was with her. She was in a particularly good mood because in the back of her mind she knew right now her math teacher was grading the tests they took earlier and, like most of her teachers, was expecting her to fail. She was already mentally preparing her 'ha ha I won' look she was going to have when the tests were handed back.<p>

In a surprising twist, Carly was the one who was certain she had failed her test today and was now panicking over it.

"I feel like when I sat down to take the test I hadn't studied anything."

"Carly you are a naturally good test taker, I'm sure you passed," Sam said reassuringly. "Look it may not have felt like you studied anything but you said you went over all of it, you're just not as confident about your answers as you usually are."

Carly released a heavy sigh. "I really hope you're right, I just wish I had made more time to study."

"Why didn't you just cancel on Brian if you were so worried about this test?"

"I was going to but he was already on his way to come pick me up when I called and I didn't want to be rude, I already had to ask him to cut our night short and he made such nice plans."

"It wouldn't have been rude, he must know how important your grades are to you."

"He does but-" Sam cut Carly of as she started to defend Brian once more.

"In fact you shouldn't have had to cancel on him, he should have asked if you wanted to just stay home to study." She was really starting to get fed up with it. Freddie was good at biting his tongue and Spencer followed a 'let her make mistakes' approach but Sam was very straightforward with people.

"I'm not letting him control me if that's what you're getting at Sam," Carly said defensively. "When dinner started to run late I told him we had to leave and we did."

Sam opened her mouth with a comeback but Carly cut her off. They were almost to the Groovie Smoothie and she wanted to de-stress not add to it. She asked her to drop the subject.

"Anyways I guess I owe you a thanks for forcing Freddie to tutor me it's going to be great rubbing it in my teacher's face that I'm actually sort of smart."

"I would hardly say I forced him, he would have done it if I asked him to rather than-you know-demanded it." Carly pulled open the door to the Groovy Smoothie. It was busy with the after school rush. "He'd have done it if you asked him too you know."

"Is this your subtle way of saying I should be thanking him and not you?"

"Maybe." Carly shrugged nonchalantly then suddenly her eyes widened. Sam looked over her shoulder and stiffened when she saw Ronan and a few of his friends at one of the tables.

"Why don't we just head to my apartment, Spencer just bought a case of Wahoo Punch." Carly reached out to take her arm, Sam shook it off.

"I came here for a smoothie and I'm not leaving until I get one, I don't care if Ronan and his band of idiots are here."

Sam saw her best friends eyes shoot nervously over to Ronan before agreeing hesitantly. They joined the long line of customers changing the subject away from boys and school work. They started discussing the videos they were planning on showing during the next iCarly.

The line started to die down after a large group placed their orders and moved out of the way. There was still a few people left in front of them when the moment both Sam and Carly were dreading came.

Ronan, three lackeys in tow, approached them. Sam noticed that they were trying far too hard to look cool, a near impossible task while carrying a smoothie. The second Ronan opened his mouth to speak Sam wanted to hit him, just the sound of his voice had her on edge. The actually words made her jump.

"You know," he spoke casually, "if you girls need some ideas for your little show I've got a few that I think some of the fans would really love, especially your male viewership."

"Beat it, Morris." Sam snapped while Carly stood next to her looking appropriately offended.

"I'm just messing with you Puckett, you two are too classy for that right, you stick to videos about feet and food, right?"

"Why don't you and you're friends go find some girls who actually find your attempts at being funny appealing and leave us alone."

"I'm hurt Puckett, I actually came over here to talk about how I've been acting towards you, to make amends you know."

"You're off to a rough start." She replied sharply.

"You asked me to layoff so I'm going to, I think I could do without the bruises and I'm sure you don't need any more detentions." He held out his hand. "Let's call a truce."

Sam didn't believe him. She just stood glaring at him, not excepting his hand.

"I see we're not so willing to forgive and forget," he frowned and pulled his hand away. "But I can understand why, I can be kind of a jerk."

Without any warning Ronan reached out his other arm, smoothie in hand and dumped it down Sam's front. She gasped as the ice cold drink soaked through her shirt. It wasn't a smoothie, it was a soda. She stepped back and bumped into Carly who was watching horrified.

"But you see," Ronan continued, "I'm trying to become a better person, so let me help you clean that up." He took some napkins from his friend and started wiping at Sam's shirt.

Sam was so shocked at first that she didn't move. It took her mind far longer than it should have to realize that Ronan was groping her chest. She pushed him away with so much force that he was knocked to the ground. She tried to lunge at him but Carly was holding on to her arms as tightly as she could.

"I'm gonna kill him." Sam growled as she tried to gently force Carly's hands away.

"Not right now,"

"Now!" Sam shrieked and struggled to free herself.

Ronan was laughing loudly from his position on the floor. His more frightened friends were backing away and the remaining patrons who had been watching intently were now more interested in their meals.

"Sam, everyone can see through your shirt we need to go now." Carly whispered and finally got through to her friend. She was able to drag her out of the shop. When they were outside she removed her jacket; she handed it to Sam who quickly pulled it on.

"I swear the next time I see him I'm going to kill him," Sam started to march off in the direction of Carly's apartment. "They won't even find his body; there will be no body to find when I'm done with him." She said and Carly feared she was completely serious.

"As much as I think that is justified you can't do that, you just have to pretend he doesn't even exist Sam," Carly was jogging to keep up. "He keeps um-approaching you because he knows it bugs you; leave it alone, show him he is no more important than the gum on the bottom of your shoe."

"After what he just did I'm supposed to ignore him," she stopped and turned on the spot.

Carly knew she couldn't expect Sam to do nothing. "Just don't kill him okay, it'd be difficult to do iCarly if you're in a jail cell."

Sam smiled a little. "I think Freddie could find a way to make it happen."

Carly laughed. "Seriously promise me you won't do anything that's going to get you in a lot of trouble."

After a painful sigh escaped her Sam nodded her head, "promise."

"Good, let's go get you a clean shirt."

It was silent the rest of the way back to Bushwell Plaza. Sam was making a mental list of ways to ruin Ronan's life while pushing the memory of his hands to the back of her mind. She shivered. Maybe if Carly wouldn't let her handle Ronan, she'd call in a favor from her uncle Carmine.

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><p>Spencer hadn't expected Carly and Sam home early. Usually an after school Groovie Smoothie stop lasted at least an hour and they were supposed to be going to see a movie afterwords. So he was surprised when the apartment door opened and the two girls came sprinting through the living room for the stairs without so much as a hello.<p>

That was odd behavior.

"Freeze." The girls stopped on the landing and looked back at him slowly. "I thought you were going to a movie."

"They weren't playing anything good." Carly answer quickly.

"Well how was school, how'd your test go?" Spencer saw the best friends exchange nervous looks adding to his suspicion.

"Fine," Carly said, "Sam's pretty sure she aced her test." Sam eyes darted to the brunette.

"That's uh-surprising."

"Well you know I'd hate it if I have to spend another year at that place." Sam sounded uncomfortable and kept glancing up the stairs.

"Which is why we really need to get started on our homework, we'll be upstairs." Before Spencer could say anymore both girls were out of sight.

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><p>"That was awkward."<p>

"I know," Carly agreed throwing herself down on her bed. "And then he went and brought up my test and I panicked."

"And threw me into the crossfire, we wanted to get out of there in a hurry and you go and say I got an A on my test." Sam took off the jacket and examined the damaged to her shirt. It was still pretty damp and as Carly pointed out you definitely see through the thin material.

"I didn't want to talk about my test, he already doesn't like Brian if he figures out I didn't pass this test because I was out with him instead of studying-" Carly's talking ceased when she noticed Sam wasn't paying attention. She was pulling on her shirt and staring at the damp fabric; her eyes looked unfocused.

"There's a basket of your clothes in my closet," Sam's head snapped up. She nodded and went to the closet to dig out a clean shirt. "Are you alright Sam?"

"I'm fine," she replied. "Just plotting Ronan's death."

"Sam, I'm serious." She sat up so it would be easier to stare down Sam and try to free her actually feelings.

"Seriously Carly, I'm alright," she wasn't lying, she really was okay or she would be. She felt a little embarrassed that everyone at the Groovie Smoothie now knew what color her bra was but if anyone even thought about bringing it up she would handle it in true Sam Puckett fashion.

Carly took a moment to decide if Sam really was alright. She knew she probably wouldn't be but Sam tended to be better at handling situations like these then she was. Sam had just finished changing when there was a knock on the door and Freddie came in fiddling with the object in his hand.

"Hey I came over to borrow some duct tape but Spencer said you guys were-"

"Dude, you got to wait for the okay before barging into a girl's bedroom." Sam said harshly. "I was changing in here."

Freddie's face went pink and he started to leave but Sam stopped him. "I'm done now Dork."

"Oh, uh I just wanted to ask how your math test went."

"She got an A," Carly answered in a sing-song voice, Sam was glad she was acting normal. She definitely didn't want Freddie to know what had happened. "I guess someone is a good tutor."

"That's awesome Sam."

She shrugged. "I don't know for sure that I got an A, it just seemed like a really easy test."

"That's because you actually studied." Carly pointed out.

Sam didn't say anything in response, her stomach growled and she realized they never got their smoothies. She hadn't eaten anything since lunch and that was hours ago. "Do you have food?"

"It all needs to be cooked." Carly replied.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive."

"What about you Benson, is there edible food at your house?"

"Yes."

"Is your crazy mom home?"

"No."

"Let's go."

Sam grabbed Freddie's arm and dragged him from the room. Carly followed behind them, stopping in the living room while the others headed for the door.

"See ya later Carls."

"Later."

Carly waved goodbye and plopped down on the couch. Next to her, Spencer was piecing together an assortment of very small objects with a glue gun.

"Working on a sculpture?"

"Yes."

"Is this why there is no food in the house?"

"Maybe, OUCH!" Spencer pulled his hand back quickly from the hot glue gun. "Did you want to go out and grab some dinner?"

Carly didn't say anything for a moment. Spencer looked away from his injured hand to his little sister who looked deep in thought.

"Yoohoo Car-lay?"

"Nah I'm not that hungry, I ate a lot at the Groovie Smoothie." She took his hand to exam the minor burn. "I'll make something later."

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><p><strong>So I really hope you like this chapter or at least the way it was written. I know none of us really like seeing our babies suffer. I am trying to keep Sam in character and have her react like she would react. <strong>

**Also I can't for the life of me remember if I've been spelling Groovie like Groovie or Groovy so I went with the -ie in this chapter.**

**Anyways leave a review.**


	8. Chapter 8

**I originally could not write this chapter to save my life. It was so difficult. I ended up skipping it and writing the ten following chapters before coming back to it but in the end it turned out alright. The idea was for this chapter to be Sam's payback at Ronan but the payback didn't come on as strong as I would have liked so instead its part payback and part lets make Freddie look really good in comparison. **

**I mentioned in the last chapter that I think you all will really enjoy chapters nine and ten and after rereading and editing them I believe it even more. So hold out through this necessary chapter and you'll get to some more Seddieness.**

**Oh and you should all keep in mind I have very little knowledge when it comes to weightlifting. I did a little research so I believe most of the vocabulary is used correctly but if not I do apologize.  
><strong>

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><p><strong>iAm Not Okay<strong>

**Chapter Eight**

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><p>Sam had run into a problem when trying to develop a plan to get back at Ronan. That problem was that all of her plans included physically harming him which one: she promised Carly she wouldn't do that and two: she still wanted to avoid as much contact with him as she could. In the end she decided she would come up with something when she saw him in class. She would have to be subtle about it too. She didn't want Freddie asking a bunch of questions about what Ronan had done to earn her wrath.<p>

When she entered the weight room Ronan and his friends were on the other side of the room and thankfully didn't notice her. She headed straight for Freddie and Gibby. She wasn't avoiding Ronan, she just didn't want to confront him without a plan in mind.

Class started shortly after and went on as usual. Sam could see Ronan glance her way out of the corner of her eye. She ignored him. It wasn't until one of Ronan's more barbaric friends accidentally dropped a weight and smashed his finger that class got interesting. Coach insisted on taking him down to the nurse's office himself so he wouldn't take any detours; the class was left on their own with only a 'don't injury yourselves' as a rule.

"I told Scotty he wasn't going to be able to do it." Ronan announced as soon as the door closed behind their teacher and classmate. "He doesn't have the same strength or skill that I do."

"Cocky much, Morris." Sam hadn't planned on saying anything right then but when Ronan opened his arrogant mouth she wasn't able to hold back.

The arrogant boy in question was looking at Sam in surprise. Clearly he hadn't expected her to say anything directly to him but he shook it off quickly and with a smug tone in his voice he replied. "It's not cocky if it's the truth, Puckett, I'm the best in the class and we all know it."

Sam stepped closer to him and crossed her arms over her chest. "Really, the best in the class?" she asked. "Care to prove that?"

"You think you're stronger than me, Puckett." He rested his hand on the weight lifting bench. "Why don't we have a little competition?"

"First of all I know I'm stronger than you, ratio wise that is." It was true that Ronan could bench more than she could but size wise she had him beat. "Perhaps you should prove your abilities against someone in your weight group instead of a girl half your size or your friend with a brain the size of a walnut."

"You spend a lot of time avoiding any real competition with me." Ronan pointed out. Sam crossed her arms.

"You bench more than Joey, Gibby and Freddie and then we'll think up some fair competition for the two of us." Sam overlooked the startled faces of the mentioned boys.

"I can easily bench more than them."

"Prove it." It didn't seem like much, and she knew Joey couldn't, but if Gibby or Freddie could lift more than him it would really be a shot to his pride. They weren't exactly the school's toughest duo and Ronan's so called friends wouldn't hesitate for a second to mock him about it. It wasn't the level of payback she wanted but it was going to have to do.

Ronan shrugged, pushed Joey towards one of the benches and he took the other. They started with a reasonably low weight and started working their way up. Eventually Joey had to quit but Ronan was unfazed. Gibby volunteered to go next to get it out of the way. The larger boy had really taken to the weight lifting class but Sam knew he was nothing more than a gentle giant. Unless provoked of course; he'd never willingly go looking for trouble.

He gave Ronan a much better fight and Sam was sure that at the pace he was improving he'd be the best in the class. At the moment though he still suffered a lot of insecurities, many of which she likely inflicted herself, so when the next set of weights was added he gave in.

"Why are we doing this?" Freddie asked nervously while the weights were dropped to a lower setting again.

"I'm just sick of his egotistic overconfident excuse for a personality." She replied dismissively.

"So you want to give him an ego boost, you know I can't lift as much weight as him." He argued.

"It's been a while since coach last recorded the weights and you weren't that far behind then, maybe you've improved."

"And if I haven't?" Freddie asked.

"Well than I guess today is you're day, now go." She pushed him forward. He took a seat on the bench and Sam could tell he was nervous. There were a lot of people watching and he suffered from occasional stage fright. It's why he usually only did prerecorded things for iCarly and was rarely in front of the camera alone. Sam wanted to tell the on lookers to mind their own business but the whole point was to embarrass Ronan in front of them so she held back.

Freddie lifted enough weight to reach the point where Gibby and Ronan had left off. A short break was given for him to catch his breath. The next go they were each able to go through five reps and move on to the next set where they both began to struggle. In the end another break was rewarded as a little more weight was added.

The boys continued their competition at a much slower pace. Three reps in for each of them and there was a clatter when a bar fell back on to its holder. Ronan still lay back on the bench with his hands loosely holding on to the bar. He was out but unless Freddie could get his dumbbell down and back up again before putting it back in the holders it wasn't really a win.

Sam could see him debating just dropping the bar and having his spotter pull it away but that look was replaced with determination and one last time he lowered the bar and on an exhalation lifted it. A moment later there was a clamor quickly followed by applause and cheering. Sam moved to Freddie's side. He too had his eyes closed and hands still resting on the bar above him. His eyes blinked open.

"Do me a favor Sam?"

"You know I don't do favors?" She replied with a smile.

"Seriously Sam."

"Alright talk to me," he did just help her get subtle revenge on Ronan; she supposed she owed him something.

"Stop volunteering me to do things." Sam laughed. She was trying to think of some sort of comment for Ronan. Anything to add as insult to his injury. He was standing now and sure enough some of his friends were giving him hell about giving up so soon. It didn't matter that none of them would have made it that far either. Each of them had something to say but it was when coach came back to the room that got her satisfaction.

"What's going on in here," he said over the commotion of the room, "am I going to have to get another ambulance, I just sent the other one off?" To someone just entering the room it would look like an injury; the whole class crowded around in one spot. Two boys and three girls rushed forward to explain but it came out as a jumble of words.

"Shut up!" The class went quiet. "Johnson explain."

A small brunette girl who wasn't a huge fan of the class but kicked butt on the volley ball court perked up. "Ronan, Joey, Freddie and Gibby had a little competition to see who could lift the most weight and it was mostly to see who could lift more than Ronan because he was saying that he was the best in the class and in the end Joey and Gibby were out but Freddie did it, yep he did." She spoke so quickly the coach took a moment to understand then he turned to Ronan and Freddie. Freddie had managed to sit up again.

"All this true?"

The class all chorused a yes but he waited for confirmation from the two boys in question. Freddie nodded and Ronan reluctantly followed.

"I'm very impressed Benson, I won't be able to make a record of it because I wasn't here to witness it but I'm looking forward to the next session," he turned to Ronan with a smirk, "as for you, you're falling behind, if you keep spending all this time talking whatever you were bragging about you're not going to have any more."

Sam enjoyed the laughter that followed at his expense. She pulled Freddie to his feet. "Good job Benson."

"I thought you didn't do compliments either," he said.

"It's hard to just break one rule, I guess." She grinned again and it managed to get a smile out of him in return. "Besides you deserved it."

* * *

><p>"Ronan you don't know this girl like the rest of us do, she's been arrested, been to juvie, she's got family on parole for god only knows what," Joey said as he passed over a key to the taller boy. "If she finds out you're doing this you might as well start planning your funeral right now."<p>

"She's not going to do anything when she figures out it's me because I'll still have the video." He held up the camcorder for emphasis.

"When, when she finds out?" Joey asked nervously. "If she finds out she's going to murder you, why would you want her to know it's you?"

"I've got it all planned out," Ronan assured him. "Now we need to get in there and get rid of Coach Ferris before she can get in there."

Ronan and Joey, still looking unsure, started through the empty hallway outside the gym and headed for the steps to the locker rooms in the basement. At the bottom the girls' and boys' main locker rooms were separated to the left and right respectively. Attached to the locker rooms were the offices used by the coaches. Ronan used the key to open the office door on the left and Joey taped a note to the door asking Ms. Ferris to report to the main office due to a problem with her pay check. Both entered the office quickly and Ronan locked the door behind them.

"What if Coach Shaw shows up?" Joey asked.

"She's on maternity leave."

"So, what if she needs some paperwork or something?"

"She had the baby yesterday, don't you check your email." Ronan started to fuss with the blinds that cover the window to the girls' locker room.

"What if they notice?"

"I'm not going to put the camera up until Puckett's in there and by then the place will be deserted; her and Benson are arm wrestling again after class."

Their conversation was interrupted by the sound of feet stampeding down the stairs. They waited silently checking occasionally to see if Sam had entered the locker room. Some girls changed quickly while others lagged behind. It was the last class of the day and only those who had to catch a bus or needed to beat the rush out of the parking lot were in a hurry. The bell rang across the school and slowly the crowd thinned out.

Ronan decided he should probably set up his camera; Carly and another girl were the only ones left in the room. Ronan assumed the brunette was waiting for her friend. The second girl was nearly run over on her way out when Sam finally came rushing in.

"I'm telling you this is a bad idea." Joey whispered. It didn't matter though because Ronan had already hit record.

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><p><strong>So did you like this chapter? I feel like Sam needs even more payback but that may be because I associate her with physical payback and here it was mostly psychological. Maybe i'll be able to work something in in one of the later chapters. You can probably see we're finally getting to the video blackmail; exciting right?<strong>


	9. Chapter 9

**Okay so here is another chapter for you. We're getting a little break from Ronan for a few chapters. This chapter is really more of a set up for the next one. I'm so used to writing such long notes here but I don't think I have anything to say this time. Will just jump right into this then.**

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><p><strong>iAm Not Okay<strong>

**Chapter Nine**

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><p>The next week was passing uneventfully but it certainly wasn't Freddie's typical week of school. There was that surreal moment on Monday when Carly and Sam both got tests back and Carly got a C and Sam received an A.<p>

Carly spent a minute beating her head against her locker in shame before running off to find her science teacher and beg for a retake. Things got even weirder for Freddie when he noticed Sam staring at him oddly. When she had finally snapped out of her trance she practically shouted "thanks for helping me study," slammed her fist into his shoulder and ran off without another word. The beating was normal; the sincere thank you was completely out of the ordinary. He chalked up to the sensation of receiving a good grade.

And to his surprise, despite beating Ronan during their impromptu competition the week before, weight training hadn't become a nightmare. Ronan and his buddies had actually been bugging him to hang out more. He didn't mind much but whenever he did Sam and Gibby both acted like they wanted nothing to do with him. He supposed he could understand Sam being against it but to be fair Ronan had left her alone since he talked to him a couple weeks ago. Gibby refused because he was on bad terms with one of the other boys. Bad memories involving a very painful wedgie were briefly mentioned. Freddie thought this was a somewhat stupid reason because Gibby was now four or five inches taller than the boy and twice as broad.

When Wednesday came around he overheard a conversation between Carly and Sam but it didn't make any sense. They were in the hallway outside the iCarly studio and he was in the stairwell out of sight.

"I don't think you should go and this is me, I'm the trouble-making one." Sam said. She leaned against the door frame with her arms crossed decisively.

"It's not big deal and you know how careful I am," Carly was reasoning. "Besides he really-"

"Wants you to go." Sam finished.

"Would you stop that."

"Fine," Sam's arms dropped to her sides. "Do you want me to come?"

Now Carly's arms crossed, "I don't need a babysitter."

"Alright, I guess you're not telling Spencer."

"If he asks I'm at your house okay, is it alright if I spend the night?" Sam nodded. Freddie, realizing he just eavesdropped on a conversation between his best friends backed quietly down the stairs to the second floor landing before running up the steps making as much noise as he could.

"You guys up here?" He came around the corner and saw Carly jump. "Hey."

"Oh hey Freddie, thought you were Spencer for a second there," Carly said shakily.

"Nope just me, Spencer's downstairs," when he added the last bit Carly noticeably relaxed. Silence briefly fell between the three of them and Sam promptly jumped in saying she was bored and they should get on with rehearsal or she was going to take a nap instead.

Freddie didn't bring up the conversation to either girl. The idea that Carly was doing something she wasn't supposed to and that Sam was the one advising her not to made him half believe it was all a dream. He knew it wasn't though and while he was concerned about Carly's well-being if she was in any real danger Sam wouldn't let her go through with whatever it was; she was too protective of her.

He had no idea that the next night not only would he find out what Carly was up too but be a witness to it.

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><p>As always the trio walked to the Shay apartment after school. Being a Thursday Sam and Freddie weren't planning on an extended stay. Sam was there long enough to raid the fridge and left a few minutes later with a ham sandwich in hand.<p>

Freddie was sitting at the computer, avoiding going back to his own apartment, and out of the corner of his eye he could see Spencer and Carly at the table in the kitchen. Carly had some carrots and celery sticks on a plate in front of her but she didn't appear to be eating them; just moving them around of the plate. Spencer was intently focused on piecing together small parts for the large sculpture in the middle of the living room.

"Do you have any plans for the night?" Carly asked and Freddie thought she was forcing herself to sound casual.

"Socko and I are going to visit thrift stores looking for parts for this sculpture," Spencer gestured to the unidentifiable mass in the middle of the living room where the coffee table usually sat. "Are you going out with Bri-"

"I was going to spend the night at Sam's house." Carly blurted out.

"Really? Why?" Usually Carly didn't volunteer to stay at Sam's. It wasn't in the best part of town, they rarely kept a lot of food, Sam's mom tended to bring home odd dates.

"Brian's busy and Sam and I haven't been spending a lot of time together outside of school and iCarly stuff so you know."

"It's a school night." Spencer said responsibly.

"Maybe Sam will actually be on time if you're with her." Freddie joked before he remembered he wasn't really part of the conversation.

Spencer nodded in his direction, "That's a good point."

"So I'm gonna go pack," Carly said. She abandoned the uneaten plate of vegetables and ran up the stairs. Freddie watched Spencer carefully trying to decide if he had seen through Carly's obvious lie. But fortunately for Carly the Shay's were as bad at noticing lies as they were at telling them.

So Carly was going to get away with staying out late with Brian, doing something or going somewhere that Spencer, the lenient guardian that he is, wouldn't approve of. Freddie once again reminded himself that Sam wouldn't let Carly get into any danger and headed back to his own apartment.

A couple hours later Freddie went downstairs to get the mail and caught sight of Carly and Brian leaving through the main lobby. He noticed Carly was carrying a tote bag over her shoulder and began to worry again. He spent the next hour reminding himself that Carly wasn't stupid and that she really was going over to Sam's after her date. He was pacing back and forth in his room with his phone debating calling Sam when someone pounded on the door.

He tossed his phone aside and ran to open the door as the impatient knocking continued. When he swung the door open he had to step back as a fist came down to pound on the door that was no longer there.

"Took you long enough Nub."

"Sam?" It was definitely Sam standing in his doorway but she wasn't dressed like she normally dressed. She was standing there in a deep blue strapless dress that flared out at her hips and stopped above her knees. Her hair was neater than usually like she actually tried to make it look nice and she was wearing more make-up. Finally Freddie noticed that Sam was eye to eye with him and that on her feet were black heels.

Sam was intimidating enough at five foot two she didn't need to be any taller.

"Quit staring at me Fredweird." Sam said as she pushed passed him. "Is your mom here?"

Freddie shook his head and mumbled "night shift."

He knew Sam was pretty and he hadn't meant to stare at her but when she actually went out of her way to look nice she was shockingly beautiful. Freddie opted to look around the room for a clock to distract himself from the girl who was going through the kitchen cabinets.

"Sam what exactly are you doing here?" He asked.

Sam walked back over to him and examined him carefully. "Do you own any not dork-ish clothes?"

Before he could answer Sam had marched off in the direction of his room and he was forced to follow behind. He tried particularly hard not to notice her hair swinging back and forth or anything else swinging back and forth for that matter.

When Sam entered his room she went straight to the closet and started shuffling through it.

"Sam can you please tell me why you are at my house all dressed up, looking pretty and digging through my closet?" Freddie asked. He shoved his hands in his pockets and leaned back against his dresser.

Sam stopped momentarily before she continued on tossing aside plaid shirts and striped polos. "We're going out."

"Excuse me?"

"We are going to the club that Carly and Brian are going to be at to make sure she doesn't get in any situation that she can't handle." She clarified.

"Why is that such a big deal?" They'd all been to the teen clubs before they weren't exactly threatening.

"Because," Sam turned around to look at him, "she's not at one of the clubs that we've been too."

"So where-"

"You know that club down town that you have to be twenty one to get into but on Thursday's they let in anyone sixteen and older for the live music."

"That's where Carly is?" Freddie nearly fell over. The club Sam was referring to had a reputation for not being careful when they let in the under-aged. They tried to keep the alcohol out of their hands but it was so easy for the older patrons to buy the drinks for the table.

"Yep," Sam finally emerged from the closet with a red button down shirt and a pair of dark jeans. "Go change into these, if I'm going to be seen with a nerd you might as well look good."

"Do you really need me to help you keep an eye on Carly, if she gets into any trouble I'm not exactly the best back-up."

"Trust me I won't be using you for back up in a fight anytime soon," Sam said. "But we'll be able to keep better track of Carly if both our eyes are looking and you can make sure no one spikes my drinks, I've seen what alcohol can do to my mom and I'm barely half her size."

"Right." Freddie stood awkwardly for a moment. Carly was at a club with a guy none of them approved of and now Sam was talking about boys attempting to take advantage of her.

"Go change we haven't got all night, they're probably just now leaving the restaurant." Freddie went and changed quickly before joining Sam back in the living room.

"Am I de-dorkified enough to be seen with now." He asked. Sam looked up from the TV and an unusual expression crossed her face. Not the same as when she was examining him earlier; now it felt more like she was looking at him as a whole.

"It'll have to do." She stood and adjusted her dress. "Let's go."

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><p><strong>So I hope you really liked this chapter. Leave a review and let me know.<strong>


	10. Chapter 10

**Okay I was very excited to get so many review for the last chapter. I'm glad you all liked it. I also want to thank anyone who has made this story a favorite or alert its nice to know so many people look forward to reading it. This chapter I really love I tried to make it funny and serious and sweet all at once and I'd like to think I was somewhat successful. I notice that the chapters that are all Sam and Freddie interaction tend to be longer than the others.**

**On a side note I've only got like three more chapters left to write (the story will be about thirty chapters long) but I'm so stuck on the Sam and Freddie scene I'm working on that I may go crazy. Last night I came up with an idea to work with and I didn't write it down and now I can't remember what it was. Its so frustrating I could cry. Hopefully it will come back to me. In the meantime I might try to write a seddie one-shot, I just have to come up with an idea.**

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><p><strong>iAm Not Okay<strong>

**Chapter Ten**

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><p>"Carly told me not to come so we have to not be seen," Sam explained this as they waited in line to enter the club. Freddie nodded. The place was packed it wouldn't be hard to stay out of sight but it meant keeping Carly in sight would be a lot more difficult.<p>

"How long do you think they'll stay?" he asked, referring to Carly and Brian.

"Already ready to leave Benson, were not even inside yet." Sam took out her ID and the man at the door marked her hands with two X's. He did the same with Freddie and the two entered the crowded club.

"Is she already here?"

"Give me my phone, I told her to text me when she got here." Freddie took Sam's phone from his pocket and handed it to her. She insisted he carry it because she didn't bring a purse.

"I got the text about five minutes ago so she's around here somewhere." Sam shoved her phone back in his direction, grabbed his wrist and dragged him farther into the large dim room. They made it to a semi secluded corner with smaller tables and sat down. "Do you see her?"

"Not yet," Freddie looked around trying to spot Carly but it seemed like half the patrons were brunette girls in miniskirts.

"I'm going to go get some waters, try to stay out of sight," Sam stood and wandered off towards the bar still looking through the crowds for Carly. Freddie saw her wobble on one heel as she side stepped around a large group of guys and laughed a little knowing that she was probably extremely annoyed by them.

Minutes passed. Freddie searched the crowds that still held no sign of his brunette best friend. Twice random girls had wandered over to the table; one girl had clearly already had too many drinks and the other was just irritating, twirling her hair and batting her eyelashes.

A third girl had started to approach but Sam came rushing back to the table at the same moment, shoved a water bottle into his hand and dragged him off.

"Did you find Carly?"

"I think I saw her over by the stage."

"Think?" He had to shout as the music grew louder. "Why didn't you check for sure and then come get me!"

"Because if I have to keep telling guys to back off I'm not going to be able to keep track of her." She snapped.

"Oh," he sort of regretted letting Sam go to the bar alone; she was young and pretty, factors that jerks looked for when picking a girl in a club. "Over there!" he shouted. Sam spun around and through the crowds of dancing teens was Carly smiling and bopping her head to the music. Brian was next to her goofing off with a couple other guys.

Sam was suddenly shoved into him by a group of passing girls. She shouted at them to watch it and when they just giggled in response Freddie saw Sam's hand ball into a fist. He gently took her arm and pulled her back when she stepped forward. "Were on a dance floor Sam, we either need to move or dance."

Sam gave him that same look he got earlier when he came back in the living room. Then she shook her head roughly and pointed back to Carly. Her and the group she was with was moving to a large empty table just off to the side of the dance floor. The pair made a circle around the crowd to stay out of sight and went to stand near the back. They had a view of the table and Carly's back was almost completely to them. If she turned to look at the stage they could see the profile of her face.

"This is going to get really boring really fast."

"Thanks for pointing that out Nub," Sam sighed and crossed her arms. "The music isn't even good, why would Brian want to drag Carly to this mess."

"Add it to this list of reasons to dislike him," Freddie mumbled. "Why did she even agree to come to this place, didn't she tell you you should break up with your old boyfriend because he wanted you guys to come here."

"He wanted us to get fake IDs and come here on a Friday night so he could try to get me drunk." Sam replied. "I actually dumped him because after I said no, the next day I caught him asking that scummy girl in my math class."

"Oh," why did Sam always date such crappy guys? He didn't say anything else just people watched and occasionally glanced back at Carly's table. The guys she was with were loud and the few other girls were giggling even worse than the group he and Sam had bumped into earlier. Carly looked bored and miserable.

"If Brian touches that redhead's arm one more time I'm gonna break his fingers."

"What?"

"You don't hang over some other girl when your girlfriend is sitting right next to you," she said and her voice dripped with irritation. "You don't hang over some other girl at all when you have a girlfriend." Freddie focused his attention more carefully on the table and sure enough there was a redhead on Brian's other side. She laughed loudly when Brian joked and he placed his hand on her shoulder leaning into her space.

"Jerk," Freddie actually had a few more appropriate names running through his head but if any of them came out of his mouth he was pretty sure his mother would somehow magically appear to wash his mouth out with soap.

A few more minutes passed and another boy came to the table and passed around drinks. Sam and Freddie both tensed when one was placed in front of Carly. But Carly pushed the drink away and continued to sip on the bottle of water she already had.

"Good girl Carls," Sam said, more to herself than Freddie. He smiled anyways.

More time passed and a few times Carly got up to go dance; every time she returned to the table the drink was pushed back in front of her and she pushed it away. Sam and Freddie entertained themselves with more people watching. They guessed which people were under-aged and drunk, just out of a relationship and desperate for a companion, just out of a relationship and dragged there by friends against their will, and which girls were going to be future candidates for sixteen and pregnant if they weren't careful. At one point the two got into an argument over whether or not the customer at the bar was a girl or a guy and to prove she was right Sam marched up to the bar and blatantly asked. When she returned she said she had been right, "she's a girl and she thinks you're cute." Freddie was more than a little freaked out and spent the next ten minutes looking at his feet. And because Sam was a little more devious when bored she forced Freddie to go get them more waters.

"Do you always have to balance out your nice gestures with mean ones?" Freddie asked when he returned. He handed Sam the bottle of water which she broke open and gulped down half of before responding.

"And what are these nice gestures you're talking about?"

"Don't play dumb Sam," he had also swallowed down a large portion of his water bottle; the club was hot and muggy with all the people bouncing around. "You didn't have to come here and keep an eye on Carly, she's a big girl and can take care of herself."

Sam set her bottle down the window ledge nearby and crossed her arms. Freddie sighed. Sam wasn't comfortable showing feelings and emotions; at least the ones she thought made her seem weak.

"It's okay to let people know you care about them," Freddie told her, but she still didn't say anything back and he noticed her hair was suddenly obscuring her face. "Well anyways I think it's pretty cool that you dragged us here to watch out for her, it shows what a good friend you are, even if you don't act like it all the time."

Sam turned to look at him, she started to say something but then Freddie saw her eyes widen. She grabbed his shoulders and pulled him in front of her. "Put your hands on my waist."

"What?"

"Now!"

Freddie did as he was told, dropping his water bottle to the floor in the process. He flinched when Sam's fingers dug into his shoulders. The fact that he was suddenly way to close to her was nerve racking; the only time they were this close to each other is when she was beating him to the ground.

"Carly's coming this way, I don't want her to see us, we don't have time to move and the back of your head is less recognizable than mine." She peered over his shoulder and realized Carly was likely on her way to the restroom. "Lean closer to me."

Following the orders given he leaned in. Their faces were so close now Freddie could see each individual eye lash along her eyes. He was trying to focus more on them than her eyes and it was proving to be a difficult task. "Is she past us yet?"

"Not yet, big crowd, she's not aggressive enough,"

"Not everyone can be as forceful as Sam Puckett."

"Better believe it," she tilted her head back to smirk at him and he could see in her eyes that she hadn't realized how close they were standing. They continued to stare at each other and they both seemed to forget why they were there in the first place. Just as Freddie opened his mouth and stuttered out some unidentifiable words Sam's phone went off and he quickly jumped back, snatched it out of his pocket and nearly threw it in her direction.

Sam fumbled around the buttons and finally managed to answer the call. "What?"

"Sam, its Carly can you hear me?''

"Hey Carls," Freddie's eyes widened. "I can hear you; I can hear music though are you still with Brian?" Sam asked. Her eyes were shooting around the crowds looking for the brunette who had slipped out of sight.

"Yeah were still at the club," Carly paused and Sam heard a heavy sigh from the other end of the phone. "Can your mom come get me?"

"I thought Brian was gonna drop you off at my house."

"Umm," again Carly hesitated. "Well I think he still could but, well he did have one drink, but I would just feel more comfortable if your mom could come get me, that is unless she is uhh…"

"I'll give her a call, she's out right now so she can probably swing by and get you."

"Thanks Sam, just call me back."

"No problem kid." Sam ended the call and before Freddie could ask what was going on Sam had dialed her mom. "Keep an eye out that Carly doesn't come back this way," she ordered to Freddie.

"What's going on?'

"Shhhhh, hey mom, yes mom it's Sammy, listen can you do me a favor, Carly's gonna spend the night but do you think you can pick her up?"

Sam didn't say anything for a minute but Freddie saw her eyes roll a few times and assumed her mom was telling some story. "Funny mom, so can you pick up Carly? Great!" Sam spewed out the general location of the club, hung up, dialed Carly back and told her she was on the way.

"Am I allowed to speak now?"

"Only if you can talk and walk at the same time." She grabbed his hand and started dragging him towards the door.

"Why is your mom coming to get Carly?"

"Because Brian's had too much to drink."

"Are you serious?" The two were trying to cross the dance floor to get back to the door and struggling to get through the crowd that was getting steadily drunker as the night went on.

"All she said was that he had one drink but I don't know it just sounded-" she trailed off.

"Like it wasn't the truth." He finished for her. They didn't say anything else till they made it outside and Sam immediately noticed the temperature drop.

"Why is it freezing out here?"

"Because it's not summer and the sun went down hours ago." Sam spun around and glared at him.

"Leave now Benson or I might have to hurt you." She turned again, this time towards the street. She looked for any cars speeding by before running across the street.

"WAIT!" Freddie shouted. "Where are you going?"

"I gotta get home before my mom gets there with Carly." She shouted back across the street.

"You're just gonna walk?" Freddie panicked and ran across the street after her. "It's late, you can't walk home by yourself, its dark."

Sam crossed her arms and smirked at him. "I'll be fine, it's not the first time I've gone across town at night, and the bus stop is only a couple of blocks away."

"Do you want me to walk with you?"

"I think I addressed earlier that you're not my first pick for backup."

"Sam."

"I'll be fine." Sam turned around on her heel and started to walk down the sidewalk. She was barely a whole building's length away when Freddie's footsteps fell into sync with hers.

"Aren't you worried about having to walk back to your apartment alone?" Freddie paused momentarily, taking the matter into consideration. Despite his own fear of walking the streets at night he replied.

"No, I'll be fine."

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><p><strong>So how cute are Sam and Freddie? Let me know what you thought of this chapter. Its one of my favorites so I'm really hoping you enjoyed it. I'm drawing a blank on what happens in the next chapter otherwise I'd give you a preview. I do know its got some Carly thoughts and Seddie feelings.<strong>


	11. Chapter 11

**So I reread and edited this chapter and I can't believe I forgot what happens in it, its sort of important. But to be fair I though I had chopped this into two chapters but apparently I didn't. Anyways thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter, I think I got eleven and that's the most I've gotten for a chapter of this story. **

**The first part of this chapter is going to bounce between Carly, Freddie and Sam's thoughts.**

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><p><strong>iAm Not Okay<strong>

**Chapter Eleven**

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><p>When Carly woke the next morning at Sam's house she immediately shook her best friend awake as well and continued on her post-date analysis. Sam fought hard not to listen, burying her head under pillows and blankets complaining about the early hour. Carly eventually gave up and just went over the date in her head. She really did like Brian he was sweet and charming and funny and insanely attractive. But she just wasn't sure that he was completely into her. Like whenever he made her change her mind about something.<p>

Like the club. She originally told him she didn't want to go; it just wasn't her kind of place. But, and he never directly said that's stupid were going anyways, he just kept bringing it up when they talked and saying that it was okay if they didn't go but that he had been really looking forward to it. When she suggested he go alone he said he didn't want them to miss their date night and she was guilted into it.

There was also the fact that he seemed oh so interested in whatever Jamie, a pretty little red-headed girl, had to say. All night long. Every time she even started to talk about something everyone at the table lost interest and Jamie would make a joke and the whole table was once again focused on her.

To be fair Brian did seem upset when she decided to leave. Said it was a shame it was just starting to become a great night. But she was exhausted and she couldn't figure out for the life of her why.

When she told Sam this she said it was probably low blood sugar, she had only nibbled at both her breakfast and lunch. Carly lied and said she ate her entire plate of food at the restaurant but it had been terrible so she had only eaten her dinner roll. She didn't think that was the source of her exhaustion. She finally decided in the shower that it was probably stress induced. She'd been obsessing about her grades all week and cramming for her chemistry test retake. She decided then and there she would just spend the weekend relaxing and come Monday she'd feel fresh and renewed.

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><p>Freddie was exhausted the next day. It was nearly one in the morning by the time he got back to his apartment and then he forced himself to stay awake until Sam texted him. She was supposed to text him when she got home and when Carly got to her house. Only Sam liked to know he was suffering so rather than text when she got home she waited it out and finally after three panicked voicemails, the last saying he was calling 911, she sent him a text that she was fine and Carly had just arrived safe and sound.<p>

Thanks to the adrenaline rush from his anxiety, fury and relief it wasn't till around three in the morning when he finally fell asleep.

So of course he was nodding off in all his classes and he couldn't say why because Carly couldn't know. It made him feel a little better seeing that Sam was even more exhausted them him. When Carly stepped away to the girl's room Sam told him Carly kept her up for hours talking about her date which she already knew almost everything about.

Freddie said it was Karma for trying to give him a heart attack and she stomped off after trying to slam his fingers in her locker. Freddie decided she must have been really tired because usually a comment like that would slide by but she stayed angry at him for the majority of the day. Even giving her his fruit cup at lunch didn't help. And then she stole half his sandwich and left to go sleep on one of the comfy chairs in the library.

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><p>Sam was irritable. She was tired, frustrated and so confused her brain felt the same way it did when Carly tried to explain her chemistry homework to her. She was falling asleep standing up because Carly kept her up half the night reassuring herself that Brian was a good guy even if he did have a few drinks, because most teenagers did, it didn't make them bad people. And she was frustrated because she was uncontrollably snapping at people. It wasn't that it was uncommon for her to snap at people it was just that usually she did it by choice. And she was snapping at people because all she wanted to do was think and nobody would leave her alone.<p>

She didn't go out of her way to think often, so was it too much to ask for some peace and quiet when she finally did?

Ever since Freddie had insisted on walking her to the bus stop she couldn't get him off her mind. Why couldn't he just let her walk by herself, since when did he care so much? And of course his worrying about her getting home safely made her think about him getting home safely. She had almost told him to text her when he got home but she bit her tongue. And just to prove she didn't care she wouldn't let herself text him when she got home. She waited. And of course he panicked and she might not have shown it but she really felt guilty about it afterwards.

She reasoned that it was his fault because if he hadn't been so worried she would have let him know she was home like she always did when she went home late. Then that morning he said it was her fault and she got mad not because she thought he was wrong but because she realized she was the one over reacting. But she wasn't going to let him know that and pretended to stay angry at him for the day; even when he gave her his fruit cup. But by the time school let out she had decided to act like it never happened. Weight training had gone so well that she couldn't help but be in a better mood.

The coach was absent that day and because the sub didn't know what he was doing they joined the yoga class in the gym that Carly was enrolled in. She got to spend the entire class laughing at Freddie, Gibby and the majority of the other male students trying to bend in to awkward positions while being a complete show off herself.

There was also the added plus that Ronan didn't say a single word to her. As far as she knew he hadn't even glanced in her direction once. This was surprising considering she spent half of class with her rear end in the air but she wasn't going to complain.

Ronan hadn't bothered her all week actually. She assumed it was because of her retaliation in class on Monday and embarrassment he pretended he didn't suffer from. She expected him to be over it by the following Monday but even after the weekend passed he had yet to make any rude comments or even come within twenty feet of her. Again she wasn't complaining. It gave her one less problem to deal with so she could instead focus on her issues with Freddie and the fact that Carly's boyfriend was a scumbag and she just wouldn't accept it.

At least until Wednesday, when she was hit with a problem that would make all the others almost insignificant by comparison.

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><p>Wednesday morning study hall. It was Freddie's favorite class period. It took place in the study lounge with the incredibly comfortable couch. Last semester he had study hall with Sam who always pushed him off the couch and napped instead of studied. But now she had study hall with Carly on Tuesdays and he always got to class first so he could get the couch.<p>

He stretched out with his laptop open to his study guide for English, peartunes open and headphones in. Occasionally he would glance around the room at the other students to see if any of them were actually studying. Their teacher wasn't real a teacher just a faculty member who sat in to make sure they didn't cause trouble. So in the corner around the large round table was a group of boys shooting paper balls into a garbage can; in the other corner was a group of girls giggling at them in between checking texts on their phones. Gibby and a few other students who actually needed the time to study were crammed around a third table and sitting on the floor under the window was a girl with a book open in her lap ignoring the world around her.

After a few minutes of staring at his laptop and not processing anything he started to nod off. He was suddenly awoken by Gibby nearly pulling him off the couch by his arm. He just managed to catch his laptop before it fell to the floor and glanced at the clock. The bell was going to ring in about a minute.

He pulled his headphones out, "thanks Gib, I would have slept right though the-"

"Go to the school's splash face page," he demanded.

"What, why?"

"DUDE, NOW!" Gibby was shoving his laptop at him and Freddie finally realized he looked scared. Like horror movie scared.

"What's going on?" he asked again as he still half asleep clicked around the computer. The bell went off and the other students started to flood out of the room. Freddie would have gotten up to follow but Gibby was making such a huge deal about whatever was on splash face that he stayed seated.

"I don't know who did it but they're dead, maybe not yet but as soon as she figures it out then they are dead," Freddie only half heard Gibby's ramblings but was curious as to who was the she and who was dead.

He finally opened the school's page he scrolled down for anything updated. Suddenly he came across a video and Gibby, whose words were no longer coherent, started gesturing wildly at the screen. It was unlabeled and comments had been disabled; Freddie hit the play button.

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><p>Sam was so sick of people staring at her. All she did was walk from class to her locker and it was like the whole school was watching her. Some boys snickered when she walked by and others catcalled; she actually stopped in the bathroom to make sure her shorts didn't look too short only to realize she was wearing jeans. When she finally reached her locker Carly was already there. She was sitting on the floor with her lap top.<p>

"Do I have a sign on my back?" Sam asked and spun around in front of her.

"No," Carly said and laughed at Sam's attempt to see her back. "Why would there be?"

"I don't know but people are staring at me and its freaking me out." Carly looked around and sure enough half the students were stealing glances in their direction.

"Weird."

"So what are you doing?" Sam asked as she opened her locker and dumped her unused books inside.

"I keep hearing about some video on the school's splash face page," Carly said. "Thought I'd check it out maybe we could use it on iCarly this week." Sam dropped down next to Carly and watched her scroll the web page. "Oh here it is." Carly hit the play button and the two watched curiously. It took them a minute to realize that the background of the video was the girls' locker room and that there were two girls talking. The video itself had no sound but they could see the girls' mouths moving.

"Oh my god, that's you." Sam pointed at the taller brunette girl on screen. "There's no cameras in the locker rooms are there?"

"No it's against some law I think." Carly said nervously. "Someone must have been recording us from the office-oh there's you-oh my god." The two friends watched horrified at the video continued and Sam started to change from her gym uniform. Then the video stopped. According to the bottom it was only half way through.

"What happened?" Sam grabbed the laptop from Carly who still had her mouth agape in shock. Her hands shook a little but she managed to hit the restart button. Nothing happened. Again she settled her fingers enough to control the track pad and refresh the page. Again nothing happened. The third time a message appeared.

This account has been deleted.

"What?"

"The whole account is gone." Carly finally said. "One of the faculty must have saw the video and removed it."

"Oh god, Carly how many people saw that video, what was on the rest of that video?" Sam pushed the computer away and it crashed against the floor tiles. Carly didn't say a word about her computer just turned to Sam who was now shaking all over.

"Not many people go on the school's page," she placed one of her hands on her shoulder and used the other to hold Sam's. The last time she'd seen Sam so shaken up the two of them were hanging off a window washing platform.

"Carly everyone keeps looking at me, they must have seen it."

"It's all in your head, a few more people that usually but not everyone." Thankfully the hallway was clearing out. The bell rang again and Sam and Carly were left alone.

"I gotta know who did this," Sam said suddenly. "Maybe we can track down who posted the video."

"That won't work it was posted directly from the school's page," Carly and Sam looked up to see Freddie and Gibby standing next to them. "I shut down the whole web page, as far as the internet knows it never existed." Freddie explained.

"There's no way to figure out who posted that video, you can't track down the computer that it was posted from?" Carly asked. Sam was resting her head on her knees and Carly was rubbing her back.

"Not anymore," Sam's head popped up.

"What?"

"By deleting the whole web page all information about what was posted was lost, but if I had tracked the video and then deleted it then more people could have watched it."

Sam opened her mouth to say something but stopped when Principal Franklin came around the corner. "If all of you would please come with me."

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><p><strong>So we are finally getting to the serious drama in the story. I warn you all again that I'm not usually a writer of drama, I generally stick to fluff and sweet stuff but I think I did a pretty good job. Anyways feel free to let me know your thoughts.<strong>


	12. Chapter 12

**Okay here is the next update. A lot of people asked what else was on the video. I promise you there is nothing super surprising on it but it will be discussed in this chapter. I tried to keep all the character's reacting like they normally would especially with Sam which was tricky. **

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><p><strong>iAm Not Okay<strong>

**Chapter Twelve**

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><p>Sam thought Principal Franklin's office felt warmer than usual but she couldn't bring herself to remove her sweatshirt. Carly was sitting to her right still holding her hand. When she tried to tell her it was okay to let go she refused. Freddie was to her left and Gibby was next to him. Principal Franklin was just outside the door speaking with his secretary. She heard him say something along the lines of 'if anyone asks I'm looking into it right now.'<p>

On the outside she was unmoving but inside she was still shaking. Someone had recorded her changing in the girls' locker room and then posted in on the internet. The whole school had access to that splash face page. And she might not have seen all the video but considering how much she and Carly had seen by the time it froze in the middle it went on for a while; long enough to show her changing completely out of her gym uniform. Which unfortunately exposed everything that wasn't covered by her underwear and just underwear. Everything north was on video somewhere.

Sam's hands started shaking at the sudden realization. Just because Freddie deleted the video from the internet didn't mean it was gone forever. Someone had to have the original and then there was the possibility that someone downloaded it from the splash face page while it was up. Carly tightened her grip and she felt pressure on her other hand. Freddie too was holding her hand and she thought he must have noticed her shaking again.

She couldn't describe her feelings right then. Was she scared? Angry? Embarrassed, kept coming to mind.

Principal Franklin finally returned to the office and closed the door behind him. He took a seat at his desk and breathed a heavy sigh. His eyes scanned the four of them before bouncing back to her.

"Sam, are you alright to talk right now?"

"Yes," she answered instinctively but it was the truth. She would talk about whatever he wanted if it would break the nerve racking silence in the room. He nodded.

"Do any of you know who posted the video?"

The group simultaneously shook their heads.

"Do either of you know when this video was taken?" He asked the girls.

"How could we possibly know that?" Carly asked.

"Do you maybe recognize the clothes you were wearing?" He clarified. "Carly do you remember who you were speaking with, I'm going to have to talk to her as well." He mumbled something about speaking to a bunch of parents too but that wasn't directed at them.

"It might have been Michelle, but I don't remember I'd have to uh-I'd have to see it again," the look on Carly's face made it clear that re-watching the video was the last things she wanted to do.

"Unfortunately that is not possible, which leads me to my next question," Sam noticed his eyes shift over to the boys. "Do any of you know how the video was taken down?"

"I shut down the whole website," Freddie admitted.

"I'm not surprised, which makes this all the harder to say," he hesitated before continuing, "Freddie I'm going to have to give you some sort of punishment for shutting down the website."

'WHAT?" Carly and Sam jumped up from their seats in protest.

Principal Franklin tired his best to keep an even tone. "It's against policy, he doesn't have the authority to-"

"He took the video down so less people would see it." Sam said slamming her hands down on the desk.

"Which is why I'll probably be able to just assign him a detention, but-"

"But that's not fair," she shouted.

"Sam it's alright, both of you just sit down." Carly sat down first and Sam still frowning with her arms crossed tightly followed.

Principal Franklin watched Sam carefully to make sure she wasn't going to have another outburst. When her shoulders finally relaxed a bit he continued. "Again Freddie I am sorry if I it were up to me I wouldn't give you a punishment but it is school rules."

"I understand."

"So you all saw the video, is that correct?" he asked.

"We only saw the first half, maybe a little less." Carly answered.

"I didn't really see any of it," Freddie added. "I hit play but once Gibby told me what it was I went directly to shut it down."

The group turned to Gibby. He looked incredibly uncomfortable and was fiddling with fingers. "Gibby?"

"A bunch of guys in study hall were watching it, they were all crowded around one computer and I wanted to know why." He was speaking quietly but the room was so silent that even whispering they could all hear him. "It was more than half way through the video and as soon as I realized what it was I slammed the laptop shut and went to go tell Freddie."

"Okay, well perhaps one of those boys would know who posted the video?" Principal Franklin suggested. Gibby started shaking his head.

"No, I don't think so."

"Why is that?"

"Well you see in the video, uh, you were," he started to turn towards Sam and then promptly turned back away. His face was slowly becoming redder than his jacket.

"Spit it out," Sam snapped.

"You were covered, in that uh area," without looking Gibby gestured towards Sam, nearly smacking Freddie in the face in the process.

"What?"

"Well not covered covered but like uh pixelated, I know that's doesn't make the whole thing better but anyways the guys seemed a little, um, disappointed and made comments that lead me to believe they didn't know who it was who posted it."

"But you're sure I was-" Sam went quiet.

"I only watched for a second but yeah I'm pretty sure."

It didn't make Sam feel much better. So the whole school hadn't exactly seen her boobs but the idea was there along with the rest of her. And someone still had the unedited video.

"Alright I think that's enough questions for now, Sam I'm going to give your mom a call and then I'll call Spencer."

"Wait, why?" Carly asked.

"I need to let them know what happened and for them to come pick you up if you don't feel up to continuing classes today."

"I can understand calling Mrs. Puckett but why Spencer?" she asked.

"Well Carly you were in the video too, your privacy, as well as every other girls' in that locker room, was invaded."

"And you have to tell him exactly what happened?" Sam asked. She didn't want Spencer to know; she didn't want anybody to know. Perhaps her expression made it clear because he then assured them that her name would not have to be used or her role in the video revealed.

This was good because after Freddie and Gibby went back to class and Spencer and Mrs. Puckett were called it was obvious the only way Sam was getting home was if Spencer took her too. Thankfully he had been given consent to take her out of school back in the sixth grade when she got a stomach virus and her mom hadn't gotten back from her long weekend in Vegas.

The car ride home was awkward as Spencer tried to pry information out of them about the video. All he knew was that a video had been taken in the girls' locker room without permission and they happened to be on tape.

They spent the rest of the day lounging in Carly's room not speaking much. Carly kept trying to get Sam to talk about her feelings but that wasn't happening. So instead she just kept reassuring her that not everybody in the school saw it at least it was down now. Which only left Sam thinking about how long it would be before it was back up again. When this thought occurred to her she immediately ran to Carly's desk to see if the website was back online. It was but with no sign of the video. This didn't stop the girls from refreshing the page every ten minutes.

Not fifteen minutes after school let out Freddie and Gibby were walking into the apartment. Sam asked if everyone at school was talking about her and Gibby awkwardly replied that not _everyone_ was but that quite a few people were. Freddie promptly added that most people only knew rumors and it probably wasn't that many people that had seen the video.

Sam still looked irritated with the taller boy and mentioned to Carly she was going to head home now. On her way out the door she grabbed Freddie's sleeve and dragged him along with her. Once in the hallway she let go and turned to him.

"How long was that video up?" She asked.

"About seven minutes, I think who ever uploaded it did it a little before class ended so anyone who logged onto splash face in between classes would see it." Every mention of the mystery person who uploaded the video farther pissed off Sam but she took a deep breath and asked her next question.

"Would anyone have been able to uh, download or save the video to their computers in the seven minutes that it was online?"

Freddie didn't say anything but he looked like he was doing some sort of calculations in his head. Finally when Sam was just about to stomp away in frustration Freddie's head started shaking. "No, downloading the video would have been really difficult, the way it was uploaded its actually why I shut down the whole site instead it was faster that way, but even if someone did have the software to download it, and it would have to be really good software, it would have taken longer than seven minutes."

"Oh."

"The only other way someone could have saved that video would be if they had taken a video of the video and the quality by then would be so poor you and the others wouldn't be recognizable." Perhaps he was trying to make her feel better. It was a nice gesture but-

"They'd still know it was me." She was surprisingly not directing her anger at him, her rational mind seemed to only show up in moments when she really needed it and right now it wasn't letting her yell at Freddie. It wasn't his fault.

"I'm sorry."

"For what, you didn't post the video you took it down and you ended up in detention." Why was he apologizing to her? She should be thanking him and hunting down who every posted the video. When she found him he was going to be more than just sorry.

"I just feel like someone owes you an apology," he shrugged. "Although I can't see an 'I'm sorry' being enough to make up for this."

"Don't worry about that, as soon as I find out who did this they're not even going to be able to say I'm sorry."

Freddie smiled and for the first time since that morning Sam did too; even if it was brief. "Just don't kill anyone okay, I don't want you to go to jail."

"You sound like Carly," Sam was overcome with a since of déjà vu and shook it off. "I'm gonna go now."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"You worry about me too much." Sam said seriously. "It's weird." It really was. She wasn't used to so many people worrying about her. Carly cared, Spencer cared, her mom sort of cared, she kind of always thought Freddie cared a little but recently it was like he was obsessed with her wellbeing.

"Sorry, would you like me to pretend like I don't care."

"Yes."

"Fine, I hope a bunch of hobos steal your beef jerky on the way home."

"Thanks."

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><p><strong>So I hope I did okay with this chapter. I feel awkward writing dramatic stuff so when I reread it it sounds awkward but I'm hoping its all in my head. Anyways I think my favorite part of the whole chapter was the last little exchange between Sam and Freddie. It came to mind while I was writing but it feels very real to me, like I can see the conversation happening. Anyways I do hope you all enjoyed this chapter.<strong>


	13. Chapter 13

**Okay this chapter actually has an entirely different inspiration than the rest of the story and was almost a completely different story but I found a way to work it in and it flows really nicely. The idea came to me after viewing one too many arguments between people that bash and insult celebrities. It drives me crazy when people are rude and leave nasty little comments about these people because they have nothing better to do with their lives. Of course there is nothing I can do about it so this was sort of a way for me to let out my frustration. I may discuss my opinions of celebrities among friends but I can't say I'd ever post it to a public forum.**

**Anyways this chapter was short and the the next chapter was short but the following one was nearly twice as long so there was some major text shifting among chapters to even them out. It's all still in order but some grammar mistakes may have slipped by as it was a last minute switch.**

**Also I feel so bad putting Sam through all this drama and it just keeps getting worse for her but I'm a happily ever after kind of girl so just keep that in mind. And enjoy a few Ronan free chapters before everything goes down hill.**

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><p><strong>iAm Not Okay<strong>

**Chapter Thirteen**

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><p>School the next day was terrible. Nobody outright walked up to her to say something about the video but the whole day Sam could feel people staring at her. A few boys that she knew had study hall with Freddie and Gibby were in her math class; when she arrived in the room she saw them all shooting glances in her direction. She took a seat in the back of the class, not the one she usually sat in but this way it would be harder for people to openly gawk at her. The teacher, who would normally give her a hard time, said nothing.<p>

This was the case with most of her classes.

The day dragged on forever and when school finally let out she couldn't have been more happy to see Carly, Freddie and Gibby all waiting outside to walk to Bushwell Plaza. It had occurred to them that yesterday's iCarly rehearsal had been unintentionally postponed but given the circumstances nobody was bothered by doing it today instead. Carly even said she was going to give Brian a call when they got to the apartment and cancel her date. Sam exchanged doubtful looks with the boys but silently they agreed could handle rehearsal if Carly wasn't present.

They waited in the studio for Carly while she was in her room on the phone with Brian. When she finally came upstairs she was fidgeting and her eyes looked glossy, liked she been about to cry. Sam was certain she hadn't actually been crying; her eyes weren't puffy or red. But she definitely looked off and Sam was quick to ask if she was okay.

"Fine, I just feel bad about ditching Brian tonight, but iCarly is important and we need to rehearse so let's get down to business."

At first Carly wasn't as enthusiastic during practice as she usually was but after they got through the first few sketches she was giggling and laughing along with the rest of them. It wasn't until they were wrapping up that Carly's attitude preformed another one-eighty.

She grabbed Sam's arm and pulled her aside. "Are you going to be okay doing the show tomorrow?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" Sam asked, but before she even finished the question she realized what Carly was going on about. "Oh."

"You don't have to go on if you don't want to," Carly said reassuringly.

"I'm not going to let some stupid video keep me from doing one of the things I love to do most, it's not gonna happen." She hadn't been thinking about that stupid video through almost the entire rehearsal and now it was back in her mind again. She started to pace across the room to let out her frustration.

"Aren't you worried about someone leaving comments on the website?" Carly asked. The two were no longer trying to keep the conversation quiet and had caught the attention of Freddie and Gibby.

"Carls we get thousands of comments and you guys keep telling me that only a few people even saw the video."

"People could still read them and what if viewers start asking questions."

"Well what do you want me to do, never be on iCarly again?"

"No, of course not I just maybe thought until the whole thing blows over-"

"People are still going to make comments, not being there is just going to draw more attention to me." The brief argument ended there. Neither girl was mad at the other, a little annoyed perhaps but Carly knew Sam was right and Sam knew Carly was just worried about her.

"No one is going to make any comments," Freddie said breaking the silence between the two girls. "Well I'm sure they will but they won't post."

"What do you mean?" They asked together.

"The comments are monitored."

"I thought we agreed when we started the web show that we wouldn't monitor the comments." Carly reminded him sternly.

"We agreed not to delete any constructive criticism," he clarified. "That's not what the comments are monitored for."

"Then what comments are being deleted?" Sam asked curiously. She was doing the show tomorrow either way but she would certainly be more comfortable knowing the only videos viewers were commenting about were on the iCarly website.

"Different things, I can create a list of words and phrases, if any of them come up in a comment instead of posting it's either deleted automatically or sent to me so I can approve them." He explained.

"What kind of words are on the list?"

"A lot of profanity so the younger viewers can't read it, anything insulting or offensive,"

"But you just said you didn't delete the comments insulting the show," Carly objected.

"They aren't insults directed at the show they're the insults aimed at you." He motioned at the two of them.

"But how is that different?"

"They're not the comments about you being funny or not, they're more so the comments directed at how you look." Freddie started to shuffle around the smaller things on the tech cart. He was beginning to look embarrassed.

"What?"

"You guys have read comments on splash face videos before, did you really think that nobody actually talked about how you look."

"But I've read comments about how we look before." Sam said gesturing between her and Carly. Carly nodded in agreement.

"I don't delete the positive ones unless they're offensive, which is why I don't think any comments about the video will show up."

"We never agreed you could delete comments about us," Carly snapped. Sam didn't say anything. She wasn't really upset with Freddie over the whole situation. She didn't care much what other people thought of her so seeing comments about her wouldn't be a problem but Carly was the more typical girl and even if she said she didn't care Sam knew deep down she did.

"They're not comments you need to read Carly!" Sam's train of thought was broken when she heard Freddie raise his voice, she hadn't realized an argument had ensued. "The things I delete are petty, rude and inappropriate."

"Like what?" Carly shouted back. "What do they say that is so bad?"

"It's just mean girls calling you ugly and boys making offensive comments, people who think it's okay to sit around comparing the two of you like just because you're on the web you don't have feelings, is that really something you want to sit around reading."

"If it is that's a decision I should be able to make for myself." Carly stormed out of the room. Freddie watched her leave in shock and Sam and Gibby exchanged weary looks. Carly had lost her temper a few times. Usually with Sam or Spencer and on occasion with Gibby but never had any of them seen her shout at Freddie so harshly.

"I'm gonna let Spencer know that Carly's not in a good mood." Gibby quickly left the room leaving the other two still staring at the door. Freddie finally turned back to Sam.

"Are you mad at me too?" She shook her head. "You guys really don't need to read the things I delete, people leave comments without any consideration to the fact that you might actually read them and they may have an effect on you."

"You know I don't take what other people say about me to heart." She replied quickly.

"So you just beat up people for fun when they call you aggressive and boyish?" She shrugged. "Well I guess I was being overly cautious but I wouldn't want either of you taking what they say to heart."

Sam still didn't say anything.

"You ever wonder why I stopped comparing you and Carly?" The question made Sam's eyebrows rise. This was a turn in the conversation she had not expected. "There was a series of comments posted on one of the web shows a few years ago, someone made a comment that you were funnier than Carly."

"So."

"So the next comment said that didn't matter because Carly was prettier than you."

"So a lot of people think Carly's prettier than me and a lot of people think I'm funnier than Carly."

"It went on for pages, people responded back that you were prettier and then the insults started coming out meaner, that's when I started monitoring the comments, I didn't want either of you reading what those people were saying because it was hurtful and untrue, you're both beautiful, funny, talented," Sam didn't say anything back this time, she just waited for him to realize he said somethings that could make the room's atmosphere tense. When it finally did register his expression had Sam giggling loudly.

"I'll leave you alone in your awkwardness now, I've got to go check on Carly."

"Wait what are you gonna say to her?"

"Just what you told me," she answered. "If I'm not mad at you after all that I'm sure Carly won't be either."

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><p>Carly tossed and turned in her bed for nearly an hour and a half before she finally gave up and crawled out of bed as silently as she could. It was two in the morning and she didn't want to wake Spencer but her mind wasn't going to let her sleep. She snuck over to her desk and clicked on the computer. She brought up the iCarly site and typed in the password so she could access the settings. It took a while for her to navigate her way to the comments section.<p>

"Okay Freddie let's see what exactly you delete." She decided she wasn't mad at Freddie anymore. She hadn't ever been mad at him at all. She was frustrated after her phone call with Brian. He wasn't happy about her having to miss their date for rehearsal but as she explained to him iCarly was important to her. Eventually he told her it was okay he'd just hang out with Greg and Jamie again.

She felt bad for taking her anger out on Freddie and after Sam came and talked to her she went and apologized. Freddie was just looking out for their feelings.

But curiosity was killing her and if she didn't find out soon what those comments said about her she was going to go crazy.

She managed to get to the list of words that Freddie had tagged. The first half was profanity, most of which she didn't think Freddie even knew. The following group was the offensive language directed at her and Sam that Freddie mentioned. She was even more surprised he knew these words. There were a few phrases that looked recently added to the list. He must have added them after the video showed up on the school web page. Its only reason something like 'locker room' would need to be tagged.

Next to the list of words were options. Words listed in all caps were immediately deleted, all others were sent to the following email for approval. Underneath was Freddie's email address and beneath that was a box to add a second email.

Without hesitation Carly clicked the box and added her email. If Freddie had recently updated the list he wouldn't be back on this page for a while. She didn't plan on telling him or Sam about this. They wouldn't be okay with it.

After iCarly the next night Carly turned down going to get smoothies with the others. She faked a yawn as best she could claimed she was just going to go lay down in bed and then as soon as the others were out of the apartment she ran for her room and threw herself in front of her laptop. As soon as she logged into her email she was in shock at how many emails she had received. There was nearly a hundred and the show had only been over for a few minutes. She always knew the show got a lot of comments but she was overwhelmed by how many were inappropriate. The ones she had were after the automatically deleted ones.

She clicked the first email. She gasped. That was not a nice comment. She promptly hit the delete button and the next email opened.

Someone thought her shirt was hideous. Not the most hurtful comment she'd ever read.

The next comment was harsher. The viewer directly called her and Sam stupid. Delete.

The third comment was an offensive remark aimed at Sam that she deleted before she even finished reading. Did these people not understand that the site was supposed to be relatively PG. She knew that a lot of the audience was teenagers and even some adults found the show a youthful break during a stressful week. It should have occurred to her not all the people in the world were actually watching the show for the laughs.

The following three comments were targeting her and she noticed they were all posted by the same person. Clearly they were not a fan. _Untalented, unattractive, unappealing. _

That one hurt a little and her sanity tried to get a word in and tell her to stop reading right then. She promised herself just one more and came across the first post to compare her and Sam physically. She reminded herself that Sam was really very pretty and of course there would be people who found her to be more attractive. She and Sam really couldn't look less alike even if they tried, different people found different traits appealing.

Carly wanted to leave off on a more positive note and decided she'd read through until she found one that wasn't so bad and be done with it.

The only problem was the not so bad ones were few and far between and by the time she did come across a nicer one she was hooked. She was reading everything from three words remarks to paragraphs detailing exactly what was wrong with her.

Around midnight the comments to her inbox slowed and by three o'clock she was passed out across her bed with the laptop still open and email still up.

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><p><strong>Did you like it? Let me know.<strong>


	14. Chapter 14

**The story made it to over 100 Reviews and I'm so excited. I feel bad about not rewarding you with a more entertaining chapter so I'm thinking tomorrow I'm going to upload another one. They go together really well as this one sets up the other one.**

**Anyways I know I said we got a break from Ronan again but he does make a brief appearance here but he's not interacting with anyone we care about so its okay. **

**Thanks again to all the wonderful reviewers and I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

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><p><strong>iAm Not Okay<strong>

**Chapter Fourteen**

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><p>"Do you guys think Carly's feeling alright?"Gibby asked. Sam, Freddie and Gibby sat around one of the Groovy Smoothie tables. Gibby passed each of them their drinks and Sam immediately started gulping hers down. Freddie took that to mean he was supposed to answer the question.<p>

"She's been tired a lot lately and she's always saying she's not hungry."

"I don't think she's actually sick." Sam added.

"Why not?"

"Because she let me eat the rest of her sandwich the other day and when she's sick she won't share her food with me." She answered logically.

"Of course," Freddie rolled his eyes, it did make sense.

"But you're not wrong because I know she has been eating less; she's been giving me part of her lunch for two weeks." Sam set her smoothie down. "She just seems down lately."

"Maybe we should do something fun this weekend," Freddie suggested. "Get her mind off of whatever is bothering her."

"My granddad's monthly bingo tournament is tomorrow at the rec center," Gibby suggested enthusiastically. "It's a busy day but usually a lot of spaces open up." Sam and Freddie stared at Gibby who still looked thrilled by his idea and unaware of the underlying implications of his previous statement.

"Alright Gib set it up," Sam said suddenly.

"Really?"

"Oh yeah, you better hurry," Freddie said nodding in agreement. Gibby hopped up and ran out the door. As soon as it swung shut Freddie and Sam burst into loud laughter. It took a few minutes for them to regain composure and Freddie finally managed to ask Sam if she had any ideas.

"Uh."

"Nothing illegal." He added.

"You're going to have to give me a minute," Sam silently sipped her smoothie and Freddie stared off into space. Suddenly Sam's fist slammed down on the table and Freddie jumped. "Isn't there one of those little traveling fairs in town, it's got rides and games and stuff."

"Oh yeah, it's got a Ferris wheel and everything." Freddie recalled seeing an article in the paper that his mom was reading. She had been rambling about how unsafe and unsanitary the rides were. "Do you want to head back to the apartment and ask her if she wants to go?"

"Nah, she's probably asleep already, we can just show up in the morning and tell her we're going."

"Isn't that a little rude?" he asked. She shrugged. "I'm going to send her text."

"Whatever, I'm getting a refill."

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><p>"When are you going to tell her it was you?" A boy asked as he watched the girl crossed the shop with her empty smoothie cup.<p>

"I'll let her have the weekend, pull the plug on Monday." Replied the taller boy next to him.

"Ronan, are you sure she's not just going to kill you on the spot?" Joey asked in all seriousness.

Ronan laughed. "First of all I think I can handle her, second she's not going to do anything because I have the video and I'll just let her know that I don't have to be so considerate next time it goes up on the web."

"Why didn't you just directly blackmail her, don't you feel like you lost some of your leverage?" Joey asked.

"No, just a little payback to start off with not to mention proof for when I do tell her."

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><p>Carly was woken the next morning by Sam and Freddie as they marched into her room dressed in jeans, sweatshirts and old sneakers. They were talking loudly and hardly seemed to notice that she herself was still lying across her bed dressed in her clothes from yesterday. She looked up to see her computer had switched to hibernate, quickly remembered what was still open on the screen and slammed it shut.<p>

"What are you still doing in bed kid, we thought you'd have been up hours ago." Sam asked when she finally took in the brunette's untidy appearance.

"It's not even eight am on a Saturday morning why would I have gotten up hours ago?" Carly asked as she sat up and tried to run her fingers through her hair.

"Well you must have fallen asleep by like nine last night because you never texted me back about going to the fair today." Freddie took out his phone to show her the text. She looked around her bed for any sign of her own phone. Unable to locate it she guessed it was still be upstairs in the studio. "You must have been exhausted if you're just now waking up." Freddie pointed out. Sam picked up a hairbrush off Carly's night stand and handed it to her.

"So did you want to go to the fair," Sam asked. "We thought you seemed stressed out and this might be a good way to relax."

What Carly really wanted to do was go back to sleep but seeing as her friends went through all the trouble of waking up early and making plans for her sake she just couldn't turn them down. "Sure, let me go grab my phone though, I think it's upstairs." She crawled out of bed and dashed out of the room. Sam shouted something about going to find some breakfast in her kitchen but she didn't catch most of it. It turned out her phone was in the studio, laying on one of the beanbag chairs. She snatched it up and was horrified to see she's missed so many messages and calls. She started scrolling through them by-passing the one from Freddie and two from Wendy. Brian had texted her four times and she missed two calls from him. She read through the messages:

_Hey let's video chat._

_So I didn't see you get online, are you out?_

_I called. Guess you're either ignoring me or you forgot your phone._

_You should keep your phone with you I hate when I can't get in touch with you._

The voice mails were basically the same so she just cut them off and dialed Brian back.

"Hey," a voice mumbled.

"Hey, I'm so sorry I missed your messages my phone was upstairs and I just," she couldn't tell him what she'd been doing all night there was no way he'd understand. "I fell asleep super early and I just woke up so I just got all your messages and I swear I will keep track of my phone better and-"

"Carly calm down," Brain interrupted. "It's cool just be sure to pick up your phone next time, I had to go and hang out with some of my dumbass friends just to have something to do."

"Oh I'm sorry," Carly apologized. She didn't really know why. Just because she wasn't available to hang out didn't mean he had to be with people he didn't like. "But I can make it up to you, there's a fair across town and Sam, Freddie and I are going to go if you want to join us."

There was no immediate response and Carly had to check they didn't get disconnected. "Uh, I'm here I'm just not sure I want to be a fourth wheel or anything."

Carly considered this quickly. Sam and Freddie didn't really like Brian that much but she had missed their date this week and she could use this as a sort of make-up one. "They won't mind, just think of this more like a double date, only not because Sam and Freddie would rather swim with sharks then go on a date with each other." She heard Brian laugh and felt a little better.

"If you're sure, I'll just meet you guys there, by the front gate okay."

"Cool, in an hour and a half sound good."

"That's fine, bye." He hung up the phone and Carly sprinted back down to her room to look for something to wear. As she watched the clothes in her closet spin past the comments from the show came flooding back to her. An hour and a half suddenly seemed like not enough time as she changed her clothes three or four times. Each one emphasized an attribute that someone pointed out; her skinny legs, her pale complexion. But she did finally decided on one and by the time Sam and Freddie reappeared in her room she was finishing up her makeup.

"Well don't you look extra pretty today," Sam said, "but don't you think you're a touch overdressed."

"Yeah, Carly the fair is in a big field with a lot a mud and a lot of people dressed for the weather, you don't need to make a good impression on them."

Carly saw their quizzical looks and felt bad she didn't ask them first if it was alright to invite Brian, it was their idea to go in the first place. "So here's the thing, I called Brian," she started cautiously.

"You're not ditching us to go on a date with him are you?" Sam interrupted.

"No, no, no I just felt bad about missing our date so I invited him to come along." She smiled sweetly hoping they wouldn't be too mad at her. They simultaneously replied with an 'oh' and Carly couldn't tell if it was an 'oh okay cool' oh or 'oh, now I'm disappointed' oh. "Is that okay, I know I should have asked you guys first but when I talked to him it turns out he wanted to hang out last night, I missed his call and I felt bad so I told him he could come without really thinking about it."

"It's fine Carls." Sam finally said and it abruptly stopped the brunette's ranting. Freddie cast a sideways glance at Sam as if he was surprised by her response but didn't say anything.

"Really?"

"Definitely, the idea was to give you a good stress free day, so if you want Brian there then it's fine if he comes."

"You're the best Sam," Carly lunged forward to hug Sam. "I told Brain we'd be meeting there soon so we should probably leave now."

"Alright chicas lead the way," Freddie held the door open and the girls walked out, Carly linking her arm with Sam's.

As she walked down the stairs Carly looked around for the fourth member of their usual group, "hey where's Gibby?" She asked.

Sam and Freddie started laughing and she looked between them confused. "He's preparing for the big Bingo tournament later," Freddie managed to say and when she continued to stare at him completely lost about why it was so funny he just added, "had to be there, don't worry about it." Carly stopped as the other two continued down the stairs. She couldn't help but wonder since when did Sam and Freddie have their own inside jokes.

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><p><strong>So what did you think? Its not my favorite chapter but the next one I am a fan of so expect it to make an appearance tomorrow.<strong>


	15. Chapter 15

**Here's the special extra update I said I would put up as a thank you for getting the story to over 100 Reviews. I'm super busy today so this is a short note. ENJOY!  
><strong>

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><p><strong>iAm Not Okay<strong>

**Chapter Fifteen**

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><p>When they reached the fair Carly saw Brian and took off running, surprisingly well considering the boots she had chosen to wear had a fairly high heel. Freddie and Sam both slowed down considerable to give the couple a moment and so they didn't have to stand around and watch them make out. Freddie reached out and placed his hand on Sam's shoulder and she spun around quickly.<p>

"Huh, what Frednub?"

"Why were you so cool with Carly inviting Brian to come, I thought we agreed he was part of Carly's stress." The question had been bugging him since they were back at the Shay's apartment and he finally got the chance to ask now that Carly was distracted.

"You're so stupid sometimes."

"I seriously don't know what I'm missing."

"Look," she glanced back at Carly and Brian who were still attached at the face and pulled Freddie a little farther away. "We've seen how he treats Carly when they are out with his friends, this way we'll be able to see if he treats her differently around us. And let's face it chances are the two of them are gonna get separated from us whether purposely or accidently and we'll be able to see how they act alone."

Freddie stared at her amazed, "you're a lot smarter than people give you credit for, you know that right?"

"Oh I know," she smirked, "but I don't like my genius to show too much around people or they start expecting it from me."

"Hey guys let's go," Carly shouted at them. The mini-make out session seemed to have ended so the others decided it was safe to approach them once more.

"So rides first or games?" Brian asked.

"How about food first?" Sam asked. She ran ahead of them towards the nearest food stand and the others had to quicken their steps to keep up.

"Sam you emptied half of Carly's refrigerator onto your breakfast plate, how can you still be hungry?"

"It was hardly half the fridge Benson; besides we need to keep our energy up and anyways Carly hasn't had the chance to eat breakfast."

"Nothing here is exactly a good source of energy," Freddie said as he read over the menu. "Is there anything you can't deep fry?"

"Do you even eat any of this stuff?" Brian asked Carly. "It's not exactly healthy and I know you're not into eating junk food."

"Oh come on," Sam snapped at them "it's not like we eat this stuff every day."

"Maybe I'll just get some nachos, that's probably not as unhealthy." So they stood in line at the food stall and Carly got her nachos and a water, Brian got a hot dog and Freddie got a funnel cake; he was still full from breakfast. Sam ended up shoving her purchases into Freddie's hands because she couldn't hold all of it. She also got a funnel cake as well as a turkey leg that was half the length of her arm, nachos, and a smoothie. Despite her bad eating habits she did turn her nose up at most of the deep fried concoctions, admitting that just because its deep fried didn't make it better. Freddie and Carly knew it was because they had started deep frying Fat Cakes and she saw that as an insult taking the already perfect Fat Cake and changing it. She almost got a cotton candy too but Carly convinced her to eat what she had first and then she could get some later.

They found an empty table under a tent to sit at while they ate. Freddie ate barely half his funnel cake and offered the rest to Brian who still looked hungry after his hotdog. Carly ate her nachos but only dipped the first few in the cheese sauce before claiming it tasted funny and only ate the chips. If there was something wrong with it, it didn't bother Sam who polished off her own, as well as the funnel cake, and smoothie. The group started walking while Sam gnawed at her turkey leg.

"This is amazing, you want to try some Carly?" She held it out to Carly who looked sort of disgusted.

"Sam I love you but I'm not going to eat that after you slobbered all over it."

"I'm not a dog, I just get very excited about good meat."

"Of course you do and that's perfectly fine." Carly pulled Sam to her side in a sort of one armed hug.

"Maybe we should do some games and let our food digest before we get on any rides." Freddie suggested.

"Great idea, Sam kicks butt at the game where you have to knock down the milk bottles." Carly said and Sam nodded her head in agreement.

"I'm pretty good at that one too, but I'm kind of a pro at the basketball game." Brian said. "If one comes across I'll win you prize."

"Aww that's sweet."

They came across a milk bottle game first and Freddie thought that Brian almost looked annoyed about it. They each took a turn, Carly missed on all three shots and Sam managed to hit all three knocking the bottle pyramid down entirely each time. Freddie managed to hit the bottles but never knocked them all completely down. Brian managed to knock them all down on the first go but his second turn only knocked down one and he completely missed on the third shot.

Carly said they'd find a basketball game next and tried to comfort her frustrated boyfriend. Sam fell back as they walked and Freddie was overcome with the feeling that he was supposed to as well.

"He has a temper," Sam pointed out.

"So do you."

"We're not talking about me." Sam retorted. "And he was really quiet while we were eating."

That was true. Freddie had tried to start conversation with him but was unsuccessful. He looked ahead of them at Carly and Brian. Brian was now talking a mile a minute. "Well I guess the feelings are mutual."

"What?"

"We don't really like him and he doesn't really like us either."

After a few more games Sam was antsy to get on some rides and they got in line at the nearest roller coaster. A few more less heart pumping rides later the blonde was dragging them to some ride that flipped upside down multiple times and Carly turned green at the sight of it.

"This ones the best." Brian announced and it was the first time him and Sam had agreed on anything since they arrived.

"I don't know about this one," Carly said.

"If you don't want to ride Carls its-"

"You'll love it Carly, you'd regret it if you don't give it a shot I swear." Brian interrupted.

Carly looked over the ride again. "Maybe I can do it, I mean I did that space simulator thing and that went upside down so how different could this be."

"Carly you hate going upside down." But Carly ignored Freddie, stepped forward and handed her tickets to the ride operator. Brian followed afterward and after glancing in his direction Sam followed. When the ride finished Carly was very pale and Sam rushed her in the direction of the nearest trash bins.

"Carly's not good with going upside down, you shouldn't have encouraged her to get on the ride." Freddie told Brian.

"I didn't know and she didn't have to get on."

"She doesn't like to let people down and if you ask her something she'll usually do it."

"I'll keep that in mind," Brian walked off towards Carly and Sam but Freddie stayed where he was. When he liked Carly he learned everything he could about her, in the least stalkerish way possible. He was like that with most of the girls he liked because he felt it was important to know things about them. Favorite colors and likes and dislikes; just little details because girls were impressed when you remembered them.

Eventually Sam wandered back over to him and announced that Carly and Brian were going back to the games so he could win her a stuffed animal so she would feel better.

"So what do you want to do?"

"I want that cotton candy now."

Later after Sam had finished off a caramel apple, a bag of cotton candy and a huge corn cob the two of them hunted down Brian and Carly. Freddie who had an easier time seeing around the crowds then Sam spotted the couple first.

"Where are they?" Sam asked. She was ready to blindly push her way through the crowd she just needed a direction to work with.

"Looks like they're in line for a ride,"

"Alright, which one?"

"Umm looks like the, hold on-" Freddie grabbed her wrist and pulled her forward. Sam just caught sight of her friend when she was jerked in the other direction.

"Fredward we're going the wrong way."

"No, I wanna see something just go with it." Freddie dragged Sam over behind an ATM machine. After getting a better view of the area and they could see that Brian and Carly were in line at the Ring of Fire ride. "You've got to be kidding me."

"What, I can't see anything now?"

"I told him Carly doesn't like to go upside down,"

"Benson if you don't tell me what you're going on about," Sam snapped and pinched his arm.

"After you took Carly to throw-up in the garbage bin I told him about how Carly doesn't like rides that go upside down and he shouldn't ask her to get on any because she'd just do it anyways."

"So?"

"So now they're in line for the Ring of Fire, which is the ride that's sole purpose is to turn people upside down." Freddie explained.

"Are you sure that's what they're in line for, they get mixed up sometimes."

Freddie double checked. "Positive they're like third in line."

"Alright then, hold this," she handed him her lemonade.

"Why,"

"Stick close." A mob of people was starting to form between them and the couple. Sam jumped forward and started to elbow her way through the crowds. Freddie tried to follow closely knowing he wouldn't be able to push people out of the way himself. They broke free of the crowd a few feet from Brian and Carly and it was easy to see they were surprised at the sight of them.

"Hey Carls." Sam said with a grin across face. "Brian if you don't want to ride the ride alone Freddie and I will go with you."

"Actually Sam I was-"

"Oh they're loading, can you hold my drink Carls," she took the drink from Freddie and passed it to Carly who stepped out of the way. As they got on the ride Sam and Freddie were separated from Brian who was sat next to a child by the ride operator. The ride operator sat Sam and Freddie together, likely assuming they were a couple. Freddie turned to her.

"You are definitely a genius."

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><p><strong>Hope you liked it.<strong>


	16. Chapter 16

**Okay so here is the next update for you all. It's a little shorter chapter but its dramatic. I Honestly feel weird about writing such awful things happening to Carly and Sam but this was the story that was stuck in my head and the only way to get rid of it was to write it. A lot of you speculated about Brian and Carly and what's going to happen with them and I can see what and why you're thinking like that however I at the time was not thinking that way. I don't want to give away to much because Brian is going to continue being awful but not in the way a lot of you think. **

**Now I think a few of you guess this is where Ronan is going to show his hand and you're right. I hope you all like this chapter; its all just Sam and Ronan talking but I didn't want to take away from the scene by adding another one.**

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><p><strong>iAm Not Okay<strong>

**Chapter Sixteen**

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><p>Sam silently cursed her mother as she climbed out of the car and stepped on to the sidewalk outside the school's main entrance. It wasn't even seven in the morning yet but her mother, who was trying to be a better mother, insisted on driving her to school. But her mother, being the insane woman that she is, was dropping her off at school before the sun was even fully up because she had stayed out all night and needed to drop Sam off before she passed out on the couch. She watched as the car sped off in the wrong direction down the carpool lane; it didn't matter, no one else was here yet. With one last drowsy look she pulled her backpack up on her shoulder and headed for the building praying the door would at least be unlocked.<p>

Thankfully the door was unlocked and she made it inside just before the murky sky started pouring down rain. Maybe her day was looking up. She headed for her locker trying to ignore the low growl in her stomach. She had shoved a number of food items into her bag while being rushed out the door but didn't pay much attention to what those items included. She unzipped her backpack as she walked and found she had packed a stick of butter, some left over rice from last night's Chinese take-out, a package of raw bacon, a half a bottle of water and a packet of barbeque sauce from a fast food place.

She figured she could eat the rice, but she'd definitely still be hungry. When she got to her locker she was pleased to see that her Gary Coleman grill was still there from the last time she used it. Her morning just got a lot better. She tossed the bacon on the grill and dug through her locker looking for some sort of eating utensil; but she wasn't above using her hands.

She was just starting to smell the aroma of frying bacon when a pair of hands fell on her shoulders. She jumped and spun around grabbing the fork she located as a weapon.

"Chill Puckett, no reason to get defensive."

"Beat it Ronan, I'm in a surprisingly good mood this morning and I don't need you mucking it up."

Ronan smirked at her and much to her dismay made no movements to leave. "Relax, I just wanted to let you know that I saw that video of you, it was a real treat." She glared at him. Maybe if she didn't verbally retaliate he would leave. Unfortunately all he did was laugh. "But seriously it was real sweet of your little boyfriend to take it down for you."

"The Nub is not my boyfriend," she corrected. He laughed again and she caught the words 'yeah right.' She turned away from him and back to her bacon which was going to burn if she didn't take it off the grill then. "How do you even know it was him?"

"I heard Benson and that Gibby kid talking about it, I wonder how much of it they watched before they removed it."

"They didn't watch any of it." She snapped. She just missed burning her hand on the grill as she moved the bacon to a few napkins she found in a paper bag.

"So they say," Ronan moved to lean against the lockers so he was back in her line of sight, "but these are teenage boys we're talking about, you don't think they peeked just a little."

"No I don't because Freddie and Gibby are my friends and are not completely perverted, a lot of boys aren't surprisingly, you, however, are just an abnormally large pig." She huffed and continued on. "It's not like it matters anymore because no one will ever see that video again."

"You really think so," he asked her as she started consuming her bacon. "Because it seems to me that someone must have that video right, and if that person put the video up once, well who's to say he won't do it again."

Sam's furious chewing slowed and she swallowed the bacon focusing more on her thoughts than savoring the meaty taste. The way he spoke she got the impression that he was getting to something so she turned to look at him suspiciously.

"But perhaps whoever has that video is just waiting for the perfect moment to have it reappear, that one moment that could completely ruin your life." The look on his face revealed all. He recorded the video, he posted the video and he was elated about it. Sam couldn't believe she hadn't realized this sooner, it made so much sense it was almost too obvious.

"But maybe," Ronan spoke again; Sam had almost forgotten he was standing there. "Maybe there's away for you to keep that video offline, like an exchange of some sorts."

Sam slammed her locker shut and spun towards him. "How about I just bash your face in and be done with it."

He stepped back quickly. "Now, now, that won't keep it off the internet."

"If you're in a coma it will." Sam suddenly realized just how furious she was; about the video, about the people staring at her, guys calling at her, and she still jumped every time someone touched her and she couldn't see who it was. She was so livid she completely believed she could put him in a coma.

"You would think," though he sounded confident was still stepping back, "but see I've taken a few precautions."

"What?"

"Well you see I've entrusted the video with a friend of mine and he was informed that if anything where to happen to me or if I was called in for questioning that he was responsible for making sure it makes a reappearance."

"It can be taken down again," she pointed out.

"Before how many more people get to see it," he asked. "And my orders don't have it being posted to the schools Splash Face page again nor does it have anything edited out."

"You don't think posting that video to the school's page is more detrimental, where people I actually know will see it." His motives weren't making sense to her and she was trying to have some restraint, just long enough to hear his explanation.

"Just because the internet is filled with a bunch of people you don't know doesn't mean it's not filled with a bunch of people who don't know you, you're actually kind of famous on the web Puckett."

Sam's eyes widen when she understood what he was getting at.

"Something like a million views per show right, how many of those people search Sam Puckett on their computers, how many of them are kids whose parents will probably ban them from ever watching iCarly again if they see it, and how many are teenage boys with raging hormones that will download the video so they can just watch it on repeat whenever they're in the mood. Once that video is out there it's out there forever."

Sam's hands that were fisted at her sides were shaking. He was right, he was right because kids did watch the show and searched their names; and boys, there were boys who already watched the show for reasons unrelated to comedy. iCarly was a popular name and if it was suddenly related with a video of one of the hosts with all her lady parts out for everyone to see it would ruin it. iCarly was one of the most important things in her life, it was one of the few things she put effort into, it kept her out of trouble according to Carly and it was the probably the only time people saw her in a positive light. The rest of the time she was just that little delinquent with the well behaved best friends. Sam was overwhelmed with the emotions she wasn't good at controlling but she knew that she couldn't let Ronan ruin one of the few good things in her life.

"So what do you want that will keep that video off the web forever?"

"I think maybe we can work out some sort of agreement that works for both of us."

"What do you want?" She said impatiently.

"You're a pretty girl Samantha Puckett, all I'm looking for is a little one on one time with-"

"I'm not going to sleep with you, I'd rather risk mine and the shows reputation."

"You really think so," he was no longer stepping away from her but was advancing instead, "but don't worry about that, right now I just want a make-out buddy."

Sam stood frozen on the spot. She'd rather cut out her tongue then kiss Ronan but if it kept that video off the internet she didn't have any choice.

"Fine."

"Cool, meet me after school by the cafeteria."

"What if I have plans?"

"I'm thinking you don't and don't tell anyone about this little arrangement either." He winked at her and walked off down the hall towards the gym. Sam slammed her fist into the locker next to her; it hurt so much she dropped down to sit on the floor and cradled it in her lap. When she felt tears stinging her eyes she told herself it was because of the pain in her knuckles but it was hard to convince herself that was the really the reason.

When more students started arriving at school she forced herself back onto her feet. She opened her locker and resumed with her breakfast. No one who passed noticed anything different with the eating girl and if she had any say it nobody would. She was going to act completely normal.

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><p><strong>I Forgot to mention at the top that we are now halfway through the story. I'm still stuck on writing the last three chapters. Or the first of the last three chapters. I know where I want it to end so I might go write twenty-nine and thirty and then go back to it. <strong>

**So let me know what you thought, I love to see reviews in my inbox. They always make my day a little better.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Did you all like the last chapter? I felt like it got fewer review but it was sort of an important shocking chapter so maybe that had something to do with it. Its not a big deal though, I just like to hear from the readers. I tried to reply to anyone who asked a question in their review. I used to do that all the time but I got kind of lazy about it and eventually stopped. **

**Anyways moving on to this chapter. Its a little disjointed I think but it covers both Carly and Sam's problems and sometimes it's hard to write them into the same chapter. I hope you enjoy it**

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><p><strong>iAm Not Okay<strong>

**Chapter Seventeen**

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><p>Sam was thankful that Carly was working on a project with Sarah that afternoon and that Freddie had a meeting with the Mathletes. She wouldn't have to explain where she had to be. She'd been fidgety all day and Carly almost canceled on Sarah to take her to the doctor but Sam insisted she was fine.<p>

When the final bell rang and after the trio parted ways at their lockers Sam headed in the direction of the doors and once the others were out of sight she doubled back towards the lunch room. If she was correct Carly and Freddie were on the other side of the school so she wouldn't be risking running into them.

As she walked she passed the hallway down which led to Principal Franklin's office. It had been on her mind all day the thought of just turning Ronan in. He had admitted what he'd done and unless she was mistaken the consequences were pretty sever. It was tempting to see him busted but every single time the thought came along it was pushed aside by what would happen to her if she turned him over. She didn't know who had the other copy of the video. Which of his friends would he entrust with it? And if they did try track it and remove it after said friend posted it it would be to late. People would see it and it would be out there forever.

In the end what it came down to was would she rather risk her reputation and ruining iCarly or make out with Ronan until he eventually got bored with her and movie on to another girl.

Option two seemed like the less painful option overall so that's why she was not approaching Ronan who was standing by the double doors with his arms across his chest and leaned casually against the door frame. She supposed she could see why girls found him attractive but he'd always be a pig in her book. She may not have been the girly girl of her and Carly but she expected boys to treat her well or they had to go. In Freddie's case it was a little different because they bickered and fought on purpose even if they didn't say so out loud that it was. She couldn't think about Freddie right now though, that was not a good idea.

"Alright Ronan let's do this and get it over with."

"You could show a little more enthusiasm Puckett there are girls who would pay to be in your position."

"Girls who want to be felt up by your slimy hands need therapy." She snapped.

Ronan didn't say anything just turned on the spot and started walking towards the school's back exit. Sam followed until they were at the back of the student parking lot which was almost completely empty. A single car sat in the final row. It was nice car and certainly daddy purchased it for his number one athlete.

"It's the worst parking spot but it's got a lot of privacy." Ronan opened the back door and gestured for her to hop in. She did so despite her brain shouting at her not to and he climbed in after her. She briefly wondered how many other girls he'd talked into the same seat.

"Nice car."

"You seem more like a cut to the chase kinda girl Puckett, we don't need to make small talk." Ronan pulled her closer to him and she had to tell her instincts not to break his arm on the spot.

"You try anything more than what we agreed to and I'll make sure you're missing the body parts it takes to drive this car."

"Whatever you say, Puckett."

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><p>"Spencer I'm home," Carly called. She walked into the apartment and tossed her keys on to the coffee table. "Is Sam here?"<p>

Spencer popped up from under the kitchen skin. "Haven't seen her."

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

"What went down the drain this time?"

"Car keys."

Carly rolled her eyes and went back out to the hallway. She knocked on Freddie's door which opened a minute later.

"Hey."

"Hey, have you seen Sam?" Carly asked. "I texted her after I got done at school but she never texted me back."

"Haven't heard from her, do you want me to try calling?" He took his phone from his pocket to make sure he hadn't missed any messages.

Carly shook her head. "Nah, she probably got her phone taken away by a teacher again."

Carly turned back to her apartment and Freddie followed her. When they were back in the apartment they both dropped down on the couch. Freddie picked up the remote and started scrolling through the channels. Nothing really sparked anyone's interest and it was left on reruns of Girly Cow.

"Okay we are so boring without Sam." Carly pointed out. Freddie laughed.

"Seriously there must be something we can do?"

Carly turned her eyes on the ceiling and thought for a minute. "SPENCER!"

Spencer ran out of his room, fishing rod in hand. "WHAT?"

"You still didn't get your keys?" She asked.

"If I had why would I be wielding a fishing rod?"

Carly opened her mouth to comment, closed it and opened it again. "Do we still have that old GameSphere?"

"Cabinet by the door." Spencer skipped back to the kitchen fishing rod swinging wildly.

Carly and Freddie spent the next thirty minutes playing GameSphere. Spencer retrieved his keys and was out the door on the way to the junkyard.

"Freddie can I ask you something?" Carly asked.

"Yeah sure." He paused the game and turned to her. She was suddenly very soft spoken. Two minutes ago she was yelling at the television.

"Do boys act differently around girls that they like?"

Freddie blinked at her. "Well yeah, I thought that was pretty obvious."

"I don't mean as a whole, I mean like individually do some boys act one way while other boys act another?"

Freddie shrugged. "Well I don't really pay attention to other guys behavior, but I suppose they do depending on the guy's personality, some might directly ask a girl out, and others might flirt for a while or pick at a girl to get their attention."

"Are there any subtle signs?" Freddie was starting to wonder what was bringing on these questions. Carly had a boyfriend; did she think there was another guy who liked her? Well she was Carly there were probably quite a few.

"I guess, probably still depending on the guy, they might stare, stand close to them or initiate contact with them, sometimes less confident guys will ramble a lot."

"What if they laugh at something the girl says even when it's not funny?"

"Oh yeah that's a common one." Freddie said. "You wouldn't have to worry about that though you're pretty funny, you don't need any fake laughs."

Carly looked at him questioningly and then abruptly shook her head. "Oh no it's not me, another girl I know, this guy, well, I think he likes her and I was just trying to find some proof."

"You should see if he remembers any little details about her, just silly things, I think that's the dead giveaway."

"Really?"

"Definitely, so is this boy and this girl anyone that I know?" He asked curiously. He didn't get an answer because a moment later the apartment door opened and Sam stalked in. She dropped her bag on the couch in between Carly and Freddie and continued to the kitchen without a word. She opened the fridge and stared into it; the others expected her to remove a plate of leftovers or a whole ham but she didn't turn back around.

"Sam, you never texted me back earlier, it's like you disappeared off the face of the earth." Sam sighed and closed the fridge. She took a box of cookies from the counter and moved back to the living room. She knocked her bag to the floor and plopped down between her friends.

"My phone died," she said and stuffed a cookie in her mouth. "Are you two actually playing this old game, it's so easy."

"It's still fun and I'm pretty good at it." Freddie pointed out.

"Please I could beat you playing with my feet." Sam retorted.

"Yeah right."

"Seriously let's do this." A minute later Sam had removed her shoes and taken Carly's controller. She placed it on the table and adjusted her feet on top of it. The others watched skeptically but they should have known better because sure enough, next round Sam won by a mile.

"Alright teach me." Freddie removed his own shoes and rather than refuse Sam showed him how to place his toes. Carly laughed at them and debated whether she wanted a turn or if the whole thing was just a little too gross. She watched as Freddie's feet slid off the controller and Sam rolled her eyes and adjusted them.

"Your feet are gross," Sam wiped her hands on the cuffs of Freddie's jeans.

"Yours are worse; I actually wash my feet regularly." He laughed. The next round on the game started and the group was hysterical. Sam and Freddie were throwing snappy comments at each other and Sam eventually resorted to shoving Freddie which caused his feet slip off the controller and he scrambled frantically to get them back in place. Carly knew she was right earlier when she said they were boring without Sam.

* * *

><p>Carly felt unbearably sad when Sam and Freddie both announced that they should be heading home. Their presence had been a welcome distraction after she talked to Freddie. She hoped he'd brush off the whole conversation but she really needed to ask someone about it and Spencer was not an option. Now that she was alone she had only two options. School work and thinking about Saturday night and while she had chosen school work Saturday night wouldn't take a back seat.<p>

After the spending the day at the fair Brian invited her to get some food with him and his friends; though she didn't much like his friends she didn't want to disappoint him and went along. Sure enough Jamie was there and Carly once again did her best to overlook the fact that Brain seemed to have no knowledge of personal space around the girl. It wasn't until Jamie started making jokes that it became a problem. She had been talking to Carly about the web show and mentioned that she'd love to maybe be a guest some time. People apparently thought she was very funny and to prove it she started to make jokes that weren't so much jokes as they were making rude comments about and imitating people at the little diner they were eating at. When she started to do an impression of Carly's oh so sweet demeanor and goodie two shoes behavior the group thought it was hilarious and Brian laughed the loudest.

Maybe she was being sensitive, but the fact that she wasn't laughing should have been the cue for Brian to stop.

Now Carly's mind was involuntarily flashing back on every moment Jamie had spent with them and every moment that Brian spent laughing at her jokes, tugging on her hair to get her attention, stealing food off her plate. She was starting to wish she'd never talked to Freddie.

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><p><strong>What did you all think? I've got a few things to say on this chapter. 1) The playing the video game with their feet was inspired by something me, my brother and our cousins did one day while we were bored. 2) I hope you all understand why Sam doesn't just go turn Ronan in and you'll see she's going to do her best to act normal. 3) I didn't feel it was necessary to write the scene where Carly is out with Brian and his friends-you guys already hate him so it wouldn't need to be reinforced by the whole scene I figured a recap would be fine.<strong>


	18. Chapter 18

**So the last chapter got a lot of good responses. Oddly it seems more people read when I post on Wednesday than on Saturday. I thought it would be the other way but I guess some people actually do get out on Saturday. But this is all beside the point. **

**The first bit of this chapter spans a couple of weeks. We get a little bit of Sam, Freddie and Carly's point of view. I think you all will really enjoy the end of the chapter because its a scene I know you're all kind of waiting for (Carly related scene that is). Anyways I'd also like to mention that I try to avoid swearing unless its absolutely appropriate for the character to do so.**

**And one last thing, I was watching iCarly and I noticed Groovie Smoothie is actually Groovy Smoothie but I've already used Groovie through the whole story and I like it that way soooo...**

**Yeah enjoy this chapter**

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><p><strong>iAm Not Okay<strong>

**Chapter Eighteen**

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><p>By the end of the week Sam was really starting to miss Carly and Freddie. Their whole routine had been thrown off thanks to Ronan's blackmailing scheme. No longer did they meet by the lockers and walk to the Groovie Smoothie but instead she dropped by her locker and then ran off to find Ronan. Depending on the day they either spent five minutes making out in some deserted area before he went to practice or an hour in his car. When she did finally make it to Carly's the girl was already knee deep in textbooks and notes. She had warned her about taking all AP level courses but she'd done it anyways. That usually left her and Freddie to either study and do homework or leave. Talking was prohibited and even Spencer had to take his sculpture to the basement so Carly wasn't bothered by the noise.<p>

The next week only got worse as exams were getting closer and the basketball coach was letting up on practices. It was Wednesday when Ronan decided to push his hold over her just a little farther. As she climbed out of his car and straightened her shirt he did the same and stood next to her looking her up and down.

"Do you even own a pair of shorts, a skirt, a dress?"

"Yes." She shot him a confused look.

"You ever consider wearing them?" He asked.

"Not in November, no."

He stepped closer to her and ran his hand across her lower back. He leaned close to her and whispered in her ear. "You should reconsider that decision tomorrow; it certainly wouldn't kill you to show a little more skin." His hand slid lower and she started to walk away.

The next day Sam wore a pair of shorts. It was cold and wet out so she received odd looks from more than just a few people. Even Carly, who was in a state where she didn't notice anything going on around her asked about the inappropriate attire. She blamed it on her mom not doing the laundry.

Ronan was pleased though and spent even more time staring at her legs than usual.

A week later and Freddie finally asked if her washing machine had simply broken down. Told her she was going to catch pneumonia and that she should just take her laundry over to Carly's. She told him that she was comfortable this way, the school was starting to kick up the heat and it was far too hot in the classrooms now.

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><p>Something was up with Carly and Sam and Freddie wanted to know what it was. Sam was disappearing every day after school and reappeared at Carly's about an hour later. She wouldn't tell him where she was and when he asked he got yelled at so rather than say anything to her he tried asking Carly who hadn't even noticed her best friend's absence. In fact, Carly was so caught up with studying that when Sam did finally show up at the apartment she was given the option of homework or not talking so her and Freddie had taken to going to the Groovie Smoothie just a little later than usual.<p>

Carly had gotten crazy about her studying before but this was even more than usually; Spencer even asked if something else was bothering her. She wasn't eating with him and only ran downstairs to grab food when it was necessary. He understood that she was taking AP classes but he lived with her and never saw her.

It wasn't that Freddie needed to know what was going on in their lives all the time but Carly was snapping at everyone and aside from her dates and iCarly rehearsals she barely left her room. The last few webisodes had been less than peppy and from reading some of the comments the viewers were starting to take notice.

Sam was still acting normal when it came to the show but was distant the rest of the time and jumpy when anyone walked up next to her. Sam who wasn't afraid of anything was looking over her shoulder so much you'd think she had a target on her back.

Today when they entered the Groovie Smoothie rather than sitting at their table in the middle he suggested they sit along the back wall. Sam was a little calmer so he'd be sure to make it a regular thing. They also had the benefit of sitting near the heater; for reasons beyond his understanding Sam had taken to wearing shorts and skirts despite the weather getting colder by the day. Sam, who did wear skirts sometimes, rarely wore them unless it was a special event. And short shorts were reserved for the few days it got really warm over the summer.

"Hey I got you hot chocolate instead of a smoothie, you looked cold," Freddie sat down and slid the mug across the table. Sam smiled and thanked him. It was such a simple gesture but so un-Sam like that it only confirmed his suspicions that something was wrong with her.

"So how are you?" he asked, forcing himself to sound casual.

"I'm okay," she replied slowly and with a questionable look at such a formal question. "And how are you?"

"I'm good-good, good, good," he replied.

"You sure, cause you're acting even weirder than usual Fredifer," he wanted to point out how he was the only one acting normal. That she was the one wearing a pair of shorts in November and that Carly was turning into Seattle's biggest grouch but instead of saying those things he reached for his bag and pulled out his old math textbook.

"Do you want to start studying for your math final?"

"I thought studying was to be done at Carly's?" Sam said. She picked up her mug of hot chocolate and sipped it carefully.

"I'm afraid to go into Carly's apartment when she's studying."

"So you've noticed she's been acting weird lately too." He almost blurted out that he noticed she was acting just as weird but nodded instead. "I think it has to do with Brian, I think she's finally coming to her senses."

"Well that's a good thing then."

"It's just going to stress her out even more and that's the last thing she needs-but there's nothing we can do about that so help me study so I don't have to spend another year in high school."

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><p>Date night came around again and Carly was unenthusiastic about the entire thing. She tossed on a dress that was hanging oddly around her hips but she didn't have the energy to change. She did her hair and make-up and Brian asked her to meet him at the restaurant so she wore a pair of flats so she'd be able to walk the short distance there. She was beginning to think that Spencer and her friends were right and that Brian wasn't really the guy for her. But she wanted to give him one more chance because he was did seem to really like her, at least when they were alone.<p>

She reached the restaurant and checked her reflection in the glass door. She was looking a little pale, or at least more so they usual, and her make up wasn't doing much to cover her stress related breakouts. When she told the hostess she was looking for a Brian Sampson her eyes rolled and she asked Carly to follow her. As they reached the back of the restaurant the atmosphere was suddenly too loud for the typically date restaurant. "Right here Miss Shay," the hostess gestured to a table of six teens laughing and banging fists. "I'll be right back with your menu."

The hostess strutted off clearly irritated with the group and trying her best to cover it. Carly stood next to the table waiting to be noticed and taking in the scene. Three boys, three girls, half eaten plates of food. She even had time to check her watch and make sure she wasn't late before Brian finally noticed her. "Hey Carly, here will make some room for you." He moved closer to Jamie who was on his right but rather than scooting over herself she stayed put. The others in the booth and the chairs barely took notice to the fact that she was even there.

"Actually can I talk to you Brian," Carly's hands shook by her sides. Brian stood and stepped to the side. Jamie nearly shouted at him not to be too long, he didn't want to miss her story about the nasty check out girl she had to deal with earlier at Build-a-Bra.

Once out of ear shot and not disturbing any of the other tables Carly started to talk. "I thought we had a date tonight?"

"We do," Brian said. He looked around, "that's why we're at the fancy restaurant."

"Why are you're friends here?"

"Michael suggested we make it a triple date, him and Kristie, Tony and Ella, me and you." Carly had quite a few more things to say and wanted to pick carefully which one should come next.

"You could have mentioned it to me."

He shrugged. "I thought you'd be cool with it."

"Uh huh," A triple date wouldn't have been so bad but this wasn't exactly a standard triple date. Carly glanced back at the table. Jamie was staring at them but when they made eye contact she looked away and smiled. "Why is Jamie here?"

"Kristie told her about the date and she was upset she wasn't invited so we said she could come."

"And you started eating because?"

"We got hungry?" Brian voice was starting to get more frustrated with each word. "What's with all the questions Carly, it's not like I've done anything wrong, you don't need to interrogate me?"

"I'm just upset okay, I thought tonight was just going to be us, but lately it's never just us."

"Well sorry, I just want to hang with my friends."

"Well hang out with your friends then, I'm going to go." Carly started to turn but Brian grabbed her arm. "What?" She snapped.

"Why don't we just reschedule?" Brian suggested. "I've done it for you before so I suppose you could do the same."

Carly looked the boy over one more time. She could finally see what Spencer and Sam and Freddie could see. He wasn't the right boy for her. "We don't need to reschedule?"

"Excuse me?"

"And don't worry about making or breaking any plans for Thursday, that won't be necessary." She tried to pull her arm out of his grip but didn't have the strength. "Let go of my arm."

"Are you breaking up with me?"

She shook her head. "Look at us, we haven't been together for a while now-your friends are waiting for you, Jamie is waiting for you." Brian looked over his shoulder at the table. The others were just gawking now, not trying at all to be subtle or even look surprised.

Brian's hand tightened around her wrist. Just as it reached a painful point he let go. "They're right; you're just a needy little bitch." Carly's eyes widened and she felt tears flooding to her eyes. She wouldn't let herself cry in front of them though. She turned on her heel and headed for the door. Just as she was walking past the hostess stand, out of sight of the group her first tears fell.

"Is there a problem Ms. Shay?"

The same waitress that had shown her to the table was looking at her curiously. "No, no problem," she glanced to the back of the restaurant one more time. "Actually I just have to go but my boyfriend said I could get anything I like so if I could get whatever you're most expensive dessert is in a to go container that would be great." The waitress gave her a knowing look and hurried off to the back. When she returned she handed her the most amazing looking slice of chocolate cake she'd ever seen.

"This will be on their tab correct."

"That is correct, thank you."

"Have a good evening Miss Shay." Carly gave the girl a smile and left the restaurant. She pulled her phone from her purse and sent Sam a text.

_I've got cake, meet me at the apt._

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><p><strong>So how happy are we for Carly? That's one less stressor but keep in mind she's got more on her plate then just a crappy boyfriend. It was also very hard to write someone call her such a mean name because she's definitely not. <strong>

**Anyways I wanted to give you all a little hint as to what may happen in the next chapter and because I couldn't remember I went and checked and I just want to say that I think you guys are really going to enjoy it.**

**So leave a review, let me know what you think.**


	19. Chapter 19

**So this chapter gave me an extreme craving for chocolate cake and I just wanted to warn you all that it could do the same to you. Anyways this is the aftermath of Carly's breakup and then you're getting a lot of thoughts from one character. I must have edited the last bit a million times (or three or four) because I wanted so badly for it to sound right but not like a clone copy of a hundred other stories. **

**So you lovely readers have to let me know what you think.**

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><p><strong>iAm Not Okay<strong>

**Chapter Nineteen**

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><p>"Okay where's the cake?" Sam had burst into the Shay's apartment, fork in hand. She looked around and saw only Spencer and Freddie giving her strange looks. She returned the look as the two of them were sitting on the couch each holding two small objects together at eye level. "Okay, why?"<p>

"It's for my sculpture." Spencer answered and turned his attention back to the drying adhesive.

"What cake?" Freddie asked curiously.

"Don't know, Carly texted me and said meet at the apartment and that she had cake." The door opened again behind Sam and Carly walked in. The group turned to her.

"How did you get here before me?" She asked.

"You said cake." Sam replied as if it explained everything. Carly smiled a little and passed her the slice of chocolate cake. Sam's eyes grew excited at the sight of it and it forced Carly's smile to stretch a little farther.

"Aren't you supposed to be on your date right now?" Freddie placed the small items he was holding on the table and stood up. The three watched Carly walk into the kitchen to fetch another fork. She didn't immediately respond to the question.

Sam walked over to the counter Carly was now leaning against as she played with her fork. "Carly."

"You guys were right, he was a jerk."

"Come on, we never called him a jerk," Sam reminded her.

"Maybe not out loud, but don't think I don't know what you guys really thought of him."

"You okay kiddo," Spencer asked.

"I'll be alright," Carly took the cake tray back from Sam and popped it open. "It helps that the fifteen dollar a slice chocolate cake was added to his bill."

"That's my girl," Sam and Carly clinked their forks together before each taking a bite of the cake. "You want to talk about what happened." Carly thought for a second then shook her head.

"Not right now, let's just go upstairs and think of some ways to embarrass him on iCarly." Carly snapped the cake container closed and handed it to Sam. The two of them ran up the stairs and Freddie dropped back down on the couch.

"You're not going to go with them?" Spencer asked. He had picked up two more small pieces from the large box of them next to the sofa.

"While I believe Brian deserves whatever it is they come up with and it would be fun to give some of my own input they're going to spend at least twenty minutes bashing the entire male gender so I think I'll just hang out here," he took a couple of pieces from the box as well. "Besides I eventually have to go up there and let them know which of their ideas are legal and which aren't."

Five minutes passed with no farther communication as Spencer now completely understood Freddie's reasoning. After staring at the two unidentifiable objects adhering to each other got boring Freddie asked, "what exactly is this sculpture?'

"It's going to be an extremely large sculpture made entirely of extremely small pieces."

"I see."

About forty five minutes later Freddie headed upstairs to see how Carly was doing and talk Sam out of hunting Brian down and using him as a human punching bag. He checked the studio first figuring they'd be there but had to double back downstairs to Carly's room. He knocked and one of them shouted for him to come in. He entered and was suddenly overcome with the sound of giggling.

"See I told you it was possible," Sam was holding out Carly's pear pad to her and the brunette was giggling too much to even take it from her. After a few deep breaths she managed to get the words out.

"Just because we can do it doesn't mean we could get everything we needed by tomorrow night, besides I think we would get in a lot of trouble for that."

"Fine, but you're turning down some of my best ideas here," Sam said pulling the device back to her. Freddie walked up behind where they were sitting on the couch. He looked over Sam shoulder reading over a list of ideas she had written up. "The first three are definitely not legal, you'd probably get community service for the fourth one, but I think we could make the fifth one work if you can find a kid with chicken pox in the next twenty four hours but most children get a shot for that now so it might be sort of difficult."

"Nothing is too difficult for me; there is a kid that lives a few houses down from me with chicken pox," Sam explained. Freddie rolled his eyes and took a seat in the chair by the table. Carly's giggling had subsided completely and she now looked concerned.

"Can't chicken pox be dangerous, I want to get back at Brian but I don't want him to get severely sick or anything."

"I was just thinking some temporary albeit extreme discomfort with some possible minor scarring if he's going to scratch." Freddie said although he was sure his mother could tell him a few stories of chicken pox cases gone bad. "How do we know he hasn't had them before?"

"That's true Sam," Carly said, "I think we're going to need a few more ideas."

"Okay, but I need more time and more food." Sam hopped up from her seat and moved for the door.

"You just ate that entire piece of cake," Carly protested.

Sam stopped at the door. "When have you ever seen me eat only one slice of cake?" She turned to leave before either friend could respond. A minute or so passed and Freddie watched as Carly picked up her toy fishing rod and used it to swirl the water in her unique little coffee table. He started to worry again. For a few brief moments he thought things were back to normal. That Carly would resume her normal behavior and that whatever it was that had Sam acting strange was no longer an issue. But now Carly was gazing sadly at the whirlpool she had created and his hopes were being sucked away into it.

"You okay?"

"Huh, oh yeah I'm fine I just uh-" her eyes were darting around the room and Freddie thought for sure she was trying to change the subject. "Does Sam have a boyfriend I don't know about," she asked suddenly, "I know I've been distant lately but not so much that she wouldn't tell me something like that, right?"

Freddie stared at her dumbstruck. Why had that never occurred to him?

"A boyfriend?" Did Sam have a boyfriend, was that why she was disappearing all the time? It made so much sense it made him feel stupid for not thinking it before. The feeling of stupidity was quickly pushed away by an emotion he couldn't immediately place. Why wouldn't she tell them? Well he could see not telling Carly with all the issues she had been going through herself but why not tell him? "Not that I know of, why would you think that?" he asked in return.

"Well for one thing I'm pretty sure she has a hickey on her neck."

"What?"

"Yeah, well I'm not positive because she's always got her hair everywhere but why else would she have a big red mark on her neck."

"Maybe she got into a fight," he reasoned.

"I don't think it's that kind of bruise," Carly said. "She's also dressing different-girly even, and she always tells me she won't dress like that to get attention from guys and I believe that; but when she does have a boyfriend she will whether its intentional or not wear a skirt every once and a while."

"She said it's because it's hot in the classrooms with the heat on," Freddie said defensively. She couldn't have a boyfriend. It was the only thought he could really process. He didn't know why but she just couldn't.

"Well as reliable as that explanation sounds," Carly said sarcastically, "I'm still not sure but I guess you would know better than me since you've been spending more time with her." Oh how he wished that was true but she disappeared all the time. Usually just after school but sometimes on the weekend now too.

"Hey Carls," Sam poked her head in the door and both friends jumped in surprise. "Spencer glued his fingers together."

Carly rolled her eyes and stood up to go assist her brother. As the girls went to pry Spencer's fingers free Freddie lay back on the loveseat. He couldn't even think of anyone Sam was interested in. In the past she had never had a problem announcing it to them. Why would she keep it from them now?

He stood up too frustrated to be still any longer. He tried to think about something else because in the end it didn't matter if she had a boyfriend or not. Did it really affect him? It shouldn't, logically, but- He was suddenly too focused on all the recent interaction he had had with his blonde best friend. To distract himself he started to look through the framed pictures spread throughout the room. He had a favorite over by Carly's bed. A picture of him and Sam. It probably wasn't the best distraction but he couldn't help but glance at it. A brief moment caught on camera where the two were truly acting as friends.

It had been snowing and Carly wanted pictures of the flakes as they fell from the sky. The trio had dawned their coats, scarves, hats and gloves and fought the cold all the way to the park. Sam had grown easily bored of just 'enjoying the beauty of it,' as Carly had put it, and promptly started a snowball fight. She had been relentless, so when there was a cease fire he had thought the fight was over. She had run up behind him a minute later and dumped a massive handful of snow down the back of his shirt. Before he could shake the snow free she jumped on to his back. Carly had turned her camera on the commotion they were causing and told them to smile.

Instinctively he had grabbed Sam's legs so she wouldn't slide off and she tightened her grip around his neck. He still remembered how frozen her cheek felt when she pressed it against his. They were both pink from the cold and Sam's hair sparkled from the snow caught in it. It's like the sun had come out at that moment just so she would look perfect.

Before Freddie knew what was happening he had snatched up the picture frame and dropped down to sit on Carly's bed. He just sat there staring at it for a few moments once more unable to think coherently. It seemed Sam had that effect on him but the reason why had never occurred to him. And now he did have some idea as to why it so why is could possibly be but it was a terrifying thought.

Maybe recently he could admit, if only to himself, that he had a crush on the crazy, funny, beautiful girl he spent most of middle school hiding from. But he could really blame himself for that, if you spent enough time with her you knew what an awesome person she really was.

But that was a crush, he never thought anything more of it, but now still examining the picture of the two of them he knew it wasn't just a crush.

When the girls came back to the room after unsticking Spencer's fingers, they picked up where they left off planning Brian's demise, hardly taking notice to the boy in a daze. He mumbled something to them about sending him the plans for the show and that he just remembered a mother son pottery class. In all reality he wasn't sure he could sit in the same room as the girl he had just concluded he had extremely significant feelings for; it felt to much like it was all written on a sign and taped to his back.

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><p><strong>Okay so there it is. We're moving from Seddie friendship to Seddie relationship. Its not that the feelings weren't there before necessarily but there was a lack of notice of them on their part. I'm trying to keep some sort of even pace with them, I hope its working. <strong>

**Little preview for the next chapter; a couple of friends get into an argument but I'll let you try to figure out which two.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Can you believe we are twenty chapters into this story. That's a whole two thirds of the way through it. And I still haven't finished those last three chapters! Anyways this chapter turned out to be a pretty good one. In the brainstorming I went through before I started writing the story this was one of a few scenes that was always going to be included and sort of helped shape the story. Although thinking back it went much differently. So here it is chapter twenty. **

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><p><strong> iAm Not Okay<strong>

**Chapter Twenty**

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><p>Two AM the script for the skit was finished.<p>

Immediately after school it was rehearsed multiple times.

Show time and a million people learned the ten things that boys should never do on a date.

After the show they headed for the Groovie Smoothie.

"That was brilliant Sam." Carly said. "I'm not sure it appealed much to the male viewer ship but I bet we scored a lot of points with every girl who ever had a lousy boyfriend."

"I think guys will like it," Freddie jumped in, "some of the really obvious things are going to make them think that you know I didn't do that I can't be a complete idiot." He held the door and the girls curtsied dramatically as they walked past.

Carly and Sam took their favorite table and Freddie offered to go place their orders. Carly could no longer ignore the buzzing in her pocket and pulled out her phone. Fifty messages from the iCarly website. A quick glance at Sam, the girl was spinning in her chair impatiently waiting for her drink, she pulled up and read the first five messages. One rude, one slightly less rude, two inappropriate ones mentioning the skirt she wore during the date skit, and one with spelling and grammar so poor that it was a miracle the censor picked up any words.

Nothing too bad so far. Freddie returned to the table with smoothies and Sam made a very big deal about hers not being blueberry-y enough. She insisted Freddie take it back and he insisted she come with him to insure enough fruit was used. Carly pulled out her phone and read the next ten messages.

Two about Sam.

Two more unintelligible ones.

One mentioning Gibby.

Five mentioning her attire in the date skit.

Sam had taken on the role of Carly, or "Cindy", in the skit while Gibby had the honor of portraying Brian and Carly portrayed Jamie. She and Jamie actually owned an identical dress only when Carly wore hers she wore it with leggings because she didn't want her rear end hanging out the back. Jamie was brave enough to wear it bare skinned.

She had no idea so many people would have an opinion on her body.

Two of the messages were essentially complements just not done in a tactful way.

Of the last three one said she was pale and needed a tan, the second saying she didn't have enough cleavage for the dress and the third more or less said she was hideous.

Sam and Freddie returned to the table and the phone was once again shoved out of sight.

She tried to glance at her phone every once in a while but she was enjoying Sam and Freddie's company. It's been so long since they had been together at the Groovie Smoothie. At one point though her phone had started vibrating every few seconds and it turned out two iCarly viewers had gotten into an argument on the comments page. She promptly excused herself to the bathroom.

Starting with the first Carly began opening every message.

The first few were less than polite exchanges between the two. One who was insulting the show and the other defending it. When a shot was taken at her and Sam calling them talentless, attention craving, and ugly another fan jumped into their defense. There was a lot of back and forth with harsh comments aimed at everyone and finally the non-fan began posting comments most of which didn't make any sense but were clearly insults.

When she realized she'd been in the bathroom too long she stuffed her phone away and went back to join Sam and Freddie. To her surprise they were discussing school. Apparently he was still helping her study, even more so now that exams were coming up. She thought they looked like they were sitting awfully close together.

"How are your classes going?" Freddie asked her.

She didn't want to think about classes on top of everything else she was dealing with, "as well as you could imagine, chemistry's really kicking my butt but Calc is going well, I guess you know that though-you're in the class."

Sam's eyes were wandering. She didn't take any of the AP classes and had been upset when she found out her best friend was abandoning her to be with smart people. She reminded her they had study hall together and at the time they were in the same health class. Carly had taken the classes hoping they would look good on her college applications.

Freddie and Carly were just starting to talk about their last calculus class, the little bell over the door signaling another person entering and at that point Sam's eyes narrowed and she muttered a not so nice name. Freddie and Carly turned to the door.

Brian was in the doorway. Draped over his arm was Jamie, the same annoying laugh admitting from her that was always giving Carly a headache.

"Oh my god." Carly muttered and instantly felt like sinking under the table hoping she wasn't seen.

"I can't believe he came here." Freddie had turned back to Carly to gauge her reaction.

Any hopes of Carly not being seen were tossed away when Sam jumped up from her seat and advanced towards the couple in the doorway. "Get out!"

"Excuse me," Jamie snapped and flipped her long red hair over her shoulder unnecessarily.

"I said leave," Sam crossed her arms and mockingly flipped her own hair back in a way that ten times as threatening when she did it.

"I'm sorry but I'm not leaving without my smoothie, right Bri." The boy looked down at the girls with a smirk. Carly was hiding her face. Sam wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of showing up here just to upset her.

"You got some nerve coming here; you don't think you made her life miserable enough while you were dating her, so you have to keep it up now."

"Don't know what you're talkin' about," he claimed. "My girlfriend and I are here to get a couple of smoothies."

"Hmm, sweetie we could just get one to share." Jamie said wrapping her arms around Brian's waist.

"If showing up here is some sort of payback for the iCarly skit than you can take it up with me, it was my idea otherwise you need to find yourself a smoothie shop on your side town and stop being a spiteful jerk."

"Actually this had nothing to do with whatever skit you're talking about, this was for the cake, which I do hope you ate, the last thing Carly needs is that many extra calories sitting on her hips," Brian shot a look at Carly.

"Get out now!" Sam stepped forward. Brian seemed to know enough about Sam to go on the defense but Jamie was clueless.

"What exactly are you going to do, make us?" She stood her ground with the kind of confidence that only came from a combination of ignorance and stupidity. Sam was unimpressed.

"How fond are you of all that pretty red hair?" She asked threateningly.

Jamie jaw dropped and it looked like she was briefly considering how likely this girl was to follow through on her threats. When she finally came to a conclusion she pulled on Brian's arm until they were outside where the two swept each other into a kiss that was really meant to be left behind closed doors.

Sam felt like gagging but held it in. She started to the table only to find Carly standing, facing her looking very much on the verge of tears.

"Why did you do that?"

"What?" Sam was thrown of guard at her friend's tone.

"Why did you do that?" Carly demanded. Her cheeks were burning red in embarrassment.

"It was a jerkish move showing up here- he just wanted to upset you and I wasn't about to let him."

"Mission failed Sam, I've never been so embarrassed, you couldn't just ignore him and act like it wasn't a problem." There was so much anger in her voice that it surprised both girls as well as many of the subtlety watching patrons.

"That's not the way I deal with problems, you know that," Sam defended.

"It wasn't you're problem to deal with!" She shouted. The onlookers quickly turned back to their meals.

Sam was stunned. Freddie stood from his seat hoping to intervene. He was ignored.

"You've let me handle the problems before and this wasn't nearly as bad as some of those times." Sam pointed out. "You're starting to act weird again, did something else happen with Brian-"

"Nothing else happened with Brian!" She snapped. "And I'm not the one acting weird, you're the one who's being secretive, you're the one going around dressing like its summer and disappearing after school and showing up later with hickeys on your neck." She reached forward, intending to push Sam's hair back. Sam nearly fell backwards trying to step away.

"I'm leaving." Sam tried her best to keep the hurt out of her voice but it was written clearly across her face. Carly didn't know why; she tried to understand but at the moment she was too mad at her to care as much as she should have. Sam snatched her jacket off the chair and left completely ignoring Freddie call her name. After the door swung shut he turned to her.

"Can you get home okay?"

"What?"

"You're upset, I just want to know if you can get home okay, I'll walk with you but Sam's got a lot farther to go, I just want to make sure she gets there okay."

"Go please go, I'm fine." Her words calmed down through the sentence. He took his coat and left. A minute later she picked up her own coat to leave. The short walk back to Bushwell Plaza gave her time to think. She didn't mean to snap at Sam. She'd been fine up until Brian made the cake comment. Her mortification tripled at that moment and because Brian and Jamie left Sam was the only one she could blame for the embarrassment. And as much as she knew it wasn't fair, right now she still sort of blamed her.

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><p>Sam walked the entire way back to her to her house and didn't bother herself with the bus. She realized about halfway that Freddie was following her but chose not to acknowledge the fact. It made her feel good to know he was there and that he cared but Carly with still mad at her and she didn't want to feel good.<p>

She stepped up on to her porch when a thought finally occurred to her. That maybe there was a part of her that was mad at Carly. She'd been ignoring her, keeping things from her, there was obviously something wrong with her and they always shared everything.

But that wasn't fair. She was keeping a secret too. Granted she couldn't actually tell her secret but she shouldn't be mad at Carly. She'd gotten upset though. Brian all but confirmed out loud that he had cheated on Carly with Jamie when they walked into the Groovie Smoothie all tangled together. She hated cheaters. Maybe she had overreacted when they showed up but certain urges she couldn't hold down.

"Sam, you alright?" Freddie was standing at the foot of the porch steps. He was staring up at her concerned and she realized she been standing on the porch a few minutes now not entering the house.

"Fine."

"You going to go inside?"

"Mentally preparing myself for whatever scum my mom has brought home this time." He laughed and she smiled. "You need to start heading home before it gets any darker, not a safe neighborhood.".?docid=26951253

"Good plan," he walked down the dirt and gravel walkway to the sidewalk and turned back to her. "Please go inside."

"Don't tell me what to do Benson." She did go in though. She watched from the living room window as he walked to the bus stop down the street and only went to grab a snack after he was safely on the bus.

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><p><strong>So this is the last we we will see of Brian. He just had to cause a little more trouble before we could get rid of him. But don't get too excited yet because our other antagonist is back to cause trouble in the next chapter. But after that is chapter twenty two which is one of my favorites I've written and I think you all will really like it.<strong>


	21. Chapter 21

**Having some really weird issues getting this chapter up. Don't know how to fix an outdated url. Hoping that I can just take the chapter down and re-post it.  
><strong>

**Hey Everyone. Here is the next chapter for you. I feel like this one is kind of short but the next one is kind of long so they should even out. And just a heads up I know I usually update on wednesday and Saturday however this saturday I may be unable to do so. My family may be going to the beach and I'm not sure how much internet access i'll have. So if the chapter is not up saturday look for it on Sunday. I don't want to wait a week between posts but that would buy me some time to finish up the last few chapters. But it should be up sunday. Also next Wednesday i'm going on a day trip and so I can either post that day's chapter early in the morning or around five or six at night. I'm not sure how many of you read this but if you have a preference let me know.  
><strong>

**Anyways were bouncing between character perspectives again in this chapter. A little of Freddie, Sam and Carly. But in the next chapter its almost entirely Sam and Freddie so that's something to look forward too. **

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><p><strong>iAm Not Okay<strong>

**Chapter Twenty One**

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><p>Carly and Sam were on shaky ground the whole weekend and Freddie hardly saw either of them. Spencer asked for his help moving a chunk of his sculpture down to the basement and caught sight of Carly, she looked tired and small standing on the steps in her pajamas.<p>

Sam he bribed out of her house with the promise of fried chicken. She also looked unhappy, even with her beloved food. He was somewhat more worried about Sam; significant feelings aside, Carly had Spencer around all the time to keep an eye on her. Sam's mom had a habit of taking weekend trips and leaving the teen on her own. Not to mention the depressed behavior just wasn't her.

He was happy to see Monday roll around. School forced the girls to be sort of normal and actually speak to each other; they shared a few words in the morning but between classes the talking was minimal. Right before lunch he was walking towards the girls lockers; Sam was already there and Carly was coming down the steps. When the brunette saw them she turned back. Freddie was torn between stopping her and having a chance to speak to Sam alone. Last night he decided he was going to get her to admit to having a boyfriend or whatever else it was that was bothering her. And if it did happen to be a boyfriend then he wasn't really sure what he'd say.

"Hey," Sam looked up from her phone. Chances were she didn't even see Carly turn away.

"Hi."

"Were you going to go to lunch now?" He asked. It should have been an obvious yes but there were days she didn't show up till halfway through lunch, other days when she came in on time and shoveled her food down in five minutes and left.

"Not sure yet," she was turning her phone over repeatedly in her hand. She was waiting for a text.

"If we hurry we could make it to Inside-Out Burger before our next classes start, I'll buy."

"Of course you would, but I can't."

"You're turning down free food?" He asked skeptically.

"I'm turning down the walk; you're welcome to pick something up for me." She replied quickly.

"Let's just hit the cafeteria then," Sam shook her head and Freddie could feel the disappointment spreading through him.

"I've got to meet up with someone."

It wasn't confirmation of a boyfriend but it didn't make him feel any better. "Oh, who?"

The phone vibrated in her hand. "None of your business, I got to go," Sam hoisted her bag on her shoulder and starting walking away.

"Wait!"

"What Benson, I'm going to be late."

"Uh," the whole wait thing had slipped out. He assumed it was his subconscious trying to prolong his time with her or keep her away from the mystery person. "Are we still meeting up to go over you're last test?"

Sam wasn't really known for her patience and rather than answer she kept walking.

"Sam!"

"I said we were this morning Benson what did you do fall and hit your head on something," she waved her hand dismissively over her shoulder and disappeared around the corner. Freddie watched her go before slouching down against the lockers.

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><p>Sam hurried through the halls until she reached the back door. Her legs started to shiver the moment she stepped outside. It was cold enough to snow she was almost positive and thanks to Ronan she was out here underdressed and going numb. She hurried down to the practice field and over to where the school housed the lawn equipment. Ronan was waiting on the back side.<p>

"It's freezing out here!"

"Aw, you want me to warm you up." He stepped closer and she moved around him. The wind was less brutal on this side.

"I'd rather freeze to death."

Ronan smirked at her. "I don't think that's one of the options, but it might be an entertaining sight so I'll make you a deal, we don't have to do anything today but only if you manage to sit out here with me for the rest of the lunch period."

"Sure you won't get cold?" Sam asked. She had a tough skin and could handle the cold. She couldn't count how many times her mom had forgotten to pay the heating bill. And if she needed to shiver and shake to stay warm she would; anything was better than sharing body heat or spit with the boy in front of her. Besides Ronan would probably give in and go back inside before the thirty minute lunch period was up and she'd be free to go.

So they sat in relative silence, Ronan making his occasional comment. Sam ignored him mostly and was trying to decide if she'd have to time to run home and change before meeting up with Freddie after school. It was around the time she was doubting she'd ever feel warm again when he said she was starting to look blue.

"It's not that cold out." At least she didn't think it was, it had to be a lot colder before frostbite started to kick in right?

"If you say so," he glanced at his watch. "What's your next class?"

Sam looked at him skeptically, why should it matter to him? "Biology, I should probably leave soon if I'm going to be there on time."

"Since when do you care about being on time?"

"Since I decided I was going to actually try to pass the class and you know what, it's not the only thing I'm succeeding at; I do believe I am the winning in our little deal." Sam picked up her bag that had been leaning against her leg for extra warmth.

Ronan laughed. "That's funny Puckett."

"What?"

"That you think you could ever actually win when I have that video, you might as well forget being on time for that class." He stood and stepped closer to her.

"We had a deal."

"Puckett, I took a video of you changing in the locker rooms and posted it on the school's web page, what makes you think I'm noble enough to honor that deal?"

Sam was sure that never in her life had she hated someone as much as she hated him. It just kept repeating over and over in her mind until the words apparently slipped out of her mouth.

"Well for the next thirty minutes you need to pretend that's not the case, Marcy's out of town for a few days so you're just going to have to work overtime." Her eyes widened and she side stepped him as he moved in towards her.

"Who is Marcy?" Sam demanded.

"You know Marcy, tall, big boobs, a little insecure but super easy-you're like a damn bank safe compared to her," he moved towards her again and she pushed him away. "We have an agreement Puckett." He said heatedly.

"Are you dating her?" She asked as she dropped down to sit again. A second ago she didn't think it was possible to hate him more. Of course he had to prove her wrong.

Ronan shrugged. "I guess she's the girlfriend if that's what you're asking but I don't see why you care so," he plopped down next to her and Sam was forced to put off her thoughts for the time being.

* * *

><p>Carly eyes went blurry again as she was staring at the board. This was the third or fourth time it had happened and she brought her hand to her head quickly. Freddie who was sitting next to her looked over again and mouthed the words 'are you okay?' She nodded her head again but very gently.<p>

"Carly Shay," she raised her head slowly to the teacher that had called her name. She was standing there arm extended out with a dry erase maker in hand. "If you'd please come work out the equation."

"Oh yes sorry," Carly nearly jumped out of her chair but after taking a step she stumbled and grabbed hold of the nearest desk and chair. There were a few gasps from others in the room and two hands wrapped around her upper arms and directed her back into a chair. Freddie was suddenly standing in front of her as well as the professor. They were fuzzy but she knew both faces well enough to make them out.

"Carly are you okay, Carly?" That was Freddie talking. At least she was pretty sure it was him. There was some mumbling and then Freddie was helping her back to her feet. The dizziness was starting to subside but she held tight to his arm and he led her out of the room.

"You okay Carly?"

"I'm alright, I think." They walked slowly down the hall towards the nurse's office. The teacher must have given her a heads up because she met them in the hallway and nearly carried Carly the rest of the way. Freddie followed wanting to make sure she was okay. The nurse was asking questions like crazy.

"Did you get enough sleep?" No.

"I think so."

"Have you been stressed lately?" Yes.

"Maybe a little bit more than usual."

"When did you last eat?" A proper meal? Don't remember.

"I skipped breakfast."

The nurse went to the fridge and removed a bottle of soda and poured some into a plastic cup. She also picked up a packet of saltines and handed both to Carly.

"It's probably just because you skipped breakfast, we get a lot of that around exams, people are stressed, they forget to eat and lack of sleep."

"She's going to be okay though right?" Carly looked over at Freddie as she sipped on the soda. He looked so concerned. She felt terrible because that's how he'd been looking at her the past week and she just kept saying she was okay when she knew she really wasn't okay.

"She'll be alright, are you feeling dizzy anymore Miss Shay?" The nurse asked.

"No, I'm good Freddie you can go back to class."

"Are you sure?"

"Miss Shay will be finishing her snack and lying down for a while so it might be quite boring if you stay."

Freddie smiled. "I'll go then."

"Can you get my stuff from class?" Carly asked as the nurse settled her back on some pillows.

"Yeah, I can drop it off with you later." He left the room and Carly finished her snack. She lowered herself down on the cot and closed her eyes.

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><p><strong>Ronan almost seems to terrible to be real doesn't he? Anyways I'll do my best to get my posts up as regularly as possible. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. For those who really want to know the chapters are going to become more and more Seddie filled at this point.<strong>

**Please leave some reviews and let me know what you think.**


	22. Chapter 22

**Okay so call it good luck or bad luck but my family didn't end up going to the beach so here I am ready to update on time. Sorry about the trouble with the last chapter and the three emails I'm sure some of you got. Eventually that chapter did finally get up so I hope you saw it. Anyways moving on to this chapter which I will tell you is one of my favorites. I know a couple chapters back I mentioned that the scene in my head wouldn't go away, well this scene was like ten times as bad as that one. I practically wrote the story around it. **

**So yeah I hope you all enjoy it. Poor Sam has finally reached her breaking point and who do you think is the first person she's going to run into?**

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><p><strong>iAm Not Okay<strong>

**Chapter Twenty Two**

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><p>Freddie wandered back towards class taking slow steps and wishing he had spoken up while he was in the nurse's office. He knew Carly was stressed and she'd been dozing off in all of her classes. Not to mention he hadn't seen her eat a real meal in ages. His thoughts were interrupted by a thumping noise around the corner. He peered around the corner to make sure there wasn't a fight going on; he tried to avoid those.<p>

But there was no fight occurring. Unless Sam was really mad at her locker because all he saw was her pounding at it with her fist. He called her name but she didn't seem to hear him. He walked up to her deciding that class could wait just a little bit longer; when he placed his hand on her arm; she spun around with a gasp.

"Hey, chill it's just me, what's wrong," Freddie felt his stomach drop. Sam let out a sigh and backed up against her locker. She looked on the verge of tears, her hair was a mess but after a moment her body relaxed.

"Nothing, I'm fine." She avoid looking at him directly in the eye and was instead staring at the floor and pulling at the hem of her skirt. He still didn't understand the skirts and shorts and the excuse that her classrooms were hot was starting to mean nothing. "Quit staring at me, what are you even doing out here, why aren't you in class Benson?"

She was glaring at him now so as asked he looked away quickly; but not before noticing a red mark near her collarbone. This one looked new. Her hand shot up to rub the back of her neck and the spot was now conveniently covered by her arm. The glaring subsided and the distant look returned. He had to shake his head to get his focus back.

"I was walking Carly to the nurse's office."

"What?" Freddie was realizing how easy it was to see Sam's emotions in her eyes because all of sudden that distant look was replaced with concern and worry.

"She's okay, she got a little dizzy in class." Sam mumbled something under her breath that he couldn't understand.

"You sure she's okay?" she asked clearly.

He nodded. "Yeah the nurse gave her a snack and had her lay down so…" Sam was looking at the floor again. Her hand had dropped to her side once more to pull at her skirt and he could clearly see the mark on her neck without obstruction. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, just worried about Carly?" She looked back up at him and they both knew that really wasn't the problem. She started to stutter out more reassurances but he cut her off.

"Sam," he reached for her shoulder and she stepped back quickly. His eyebrows rose and he hoped she realized she'd been caught. "Please tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing is wrong."

"Please Sam," he said desperately and took her arm gently in his hand. The fabric of her jacket was cold, like she'd just come from outside. "You're not acting like yourself and its driving me crazy that I don't know why and that I can't help."

She was looking at his hand now; it had slipped down around her wrist. He was trying not to hold it too tightly because she'd been struggling with the whole human contact thing but when it looked like tears were welling up in her eyes again he feared he was still hanging on too tightly. "Why do you have to be so nice?" She whispered

"What?" He was still trying to make out what she said when the tears starting rolling down her cheeks and then it didn't matter anymore. He pulled her into a hug and she buried her face in his neck. He didn't know what else to do. Despite being best friends with a couple of girls he was not as experienced with tears as most people would think. Carly cried but usually went to Sam or Spencer and Sam just didn't cry. He rubbed her back and smoothed her hair like he'd seen in movies. It was weird being so close to her and not in pain. At least not physically. The fact that she was upset enough to actually cry in front of him was definitely causing him more emotional pain then he could remember ever experiencing.

He felt her mumble something more than he actually heard it. "Hm?"

She turned her head and tightened her arms around his middle. "I know."

"Know what?"

"Who posted the video." It took a moment for him to realize what video she was talking about but when he figured it out he took Sam by the shoulders and pulled her back so he could see her face. She looked extremely confused and was staring at the wet spot on his shirt like she didn't understand why she wasn't still there.

"Excuse me?"

"I know who posted that video of me changing in the locker room and I can't tell anyone." The way she said it, it sounded like the first time she'd said it out loud. Almost like she was realizing it for the first time.

"Or you could tell me Sam." She shook her head furiously.

"I can't, I can't, I can't, I want to but," she stopped.

"But what, why can't you tell me?"

"Because he'll just post the stupid video again," at that moment she almost sounded like normal Sam. The tears were even starting to slow down.

"I can take the video down again-" He said quickly but he should have known it wasn't that easy.

"Not before people see it, not before iCarly fans and kids and parents and boys see it." She tried to step back but Freddie still had a good grip on her shoulders.

"So we'll tell Principal Franklin who it is and he'll have him expelled and the video confiscated."

She was already shaking her head again, even more violently than before. "No, no, no, because he gave the video to one of his friends and if he gets in any trouble then he's going to post it instead."

Freddie didn't know what to think. He didn't know how to help. The guy who took the video wasn't just some pervert with a camera and a grudge against Sam; he was smart. He covered his tracks. Freddie knew better than anyone that Sam wasn't always the nicest person but he also knew she wasn't all bad. She didn't deserve what this guy was doing to her.

Freddie stiffened and Sam started to try to pull away from him again knowing he was starting to figure things out. The hickeys and the bare skin, going missing every day after school.

"Sam, you need to tell someone about this." He wanted her to tell him so he could confront the guy himself. It wouldn't go well but he didn't care.

"It's not a big deal," Sam insisted.

"This guy is violating you, he's blackmailed you into, into-" he didn't want to think about it.

"I'm not sleeping with him."

"Because that makes this okay." Freddie snapped. It should have made him feel better but any little bit of relief he felt was gone a second later. He had squeezed Sam's shoulders harder than he had meant to and she forcefully pulled herself out of his grip.

"I don't care if I have to make out with him if it keeps that video off the web."

"But you're not just making out with him, Sam, or are you really going around half dressed in November by choice."

"It's not a big deal."

"It will be when you catch pneumonia."

"I wear a jacket outside."

Freddie had to bite his tongue to stop his next snappy comment. He knew that this was just all the things she had reasoned in her head to make this not seem so bad. "Sam-"

"I can't do anything about it okay and it doesn't bother me so-" he cut her off.

"You were crying Sam, you still are." He reached up and touched her cheek then wiped his fingers on the back of her hand just to prove he was right.

Sam stared at the back of her hand and let out a heavy sigh. "It's not why you think, he's, he's got a girlfriend."

"Huh, who?"

Sam shot him a look like it should have been obvious. "The guy who I'm making out with everyday has a girlfriend, a girlfriend who doesn't know her boyfriend is cheating on her." She turned and slammed her fist on her locker again. "I've been cheated on before Freddie, more than once, and it is a really awful feeling and I know I don't seem like the most sympathetic person in the world but I can't stand the fact that I'm knowingly helping this guy cheat on his girlfriend."

"Knowingly, not willingly." He could swear she almost smiled at him. The two of them fell silent. Freddie wanted so badly to suddenly come up with a solution. A way to turn this guy in without ruining Sam's life. But he knew Sam well enough to know that she came up with every solution possible. "I wish I could do something, anything to fix this, can't you just tell me who it is if I promise not to say anything to anyone."

She smiled a little more this time. "No, I know you Freddie Benson and despite what you're actually capable of I know you'd try to do more." She started to pick at her nails and was avoiding eye contact with him again. "There is one thing you could do for me, just a favor."

"Anything." It was at that moment that he realized he really would do anything she asked him. If he wasn't so focused on what she was about to ask him to do he'd probably comprehend just how scary that thought was.

"Close your eyes?" She asked.

"Are you gonna tell me what this favor is first?"

"No." His eyebrows rose. "I promise it's not going to hurt and I'm just- if I tell you, you might freak out."

Despite the little knowledge he had he closed his eyes. He didn't open his eyes again. His brain was screaming at him that it was never wise to close your eyes in front of Sam Puckett. "Promise me you won't freak out afterwards."

"Promise."

"I'll explain afterwards, so just go with it okay." She was starting to sound very hesitant so he nodded quickly and smiled hoping was it would relax her.

For what Freddie was sure was a full minute nothing happened. He just stood there willing his eyes to stay closed. It was becoming extremely difficult; he knew Sam was still standing in front of him and he wanted desperately to look at her again. He was just about to peek when he felt small fingers fall around the back of his neck and warm breath near his face. His brain worked quickly but just enough that the word kiss came to mind the moment her lips pressed against his.

His eyes wanted to open, likely out of shock, but he wasn't sure it was allowed yet. Actually he didn't know at all what he was supposed to do, the only directions he'd been given were to just go with it. So he did. He placed one hand on Sam's back and brought his other to her cheek. It was still damp from the earlier tears.

He wanted to know why she was kissing him but all he could think about was how good it felt. He pressed his lips back against hers. She tensed up a little bit and he almost pulled away from her only to have her pull him closer. It was a wonderful feeling that was spreading from his lips to his toes; similar to the feeling he got when they kissed for the first time but more intense. He wondered if it was something that happened when you were kissing someone you were falling in love with.

She pulled away from him a few seconds later and his eyes finally opened. He wondered for a second if her eyes had been closed too. Her hands slid down to his arms as she stepped back. His hands moved to her waist; he almost dropped them to his sides but he wanted to stay in contact with her just a little longer.

"I'm sorry."

"What?"

"I just-I just," she starred at him and her eyes looked terrified. "I just wanted to kiss someone I don't hate; I wanted to kiss someone because I chose to, not because I'm being forced to do it."

He smiled. "It's okay." He wished there was more to it and recent moments they shared together almost made him think there was but at the moment he was glad to just be the friend that helped her.

* * *

><p>Ronan leaned against the wall out of sight of the iCarly duo. He watched as Sam dropped her hands to her sides. "You need to get back to class."<p>

Benson said something sappy about skipping the rest of class together and she shook her head. Even she was going back to class. They parted ways and Ronan waited till they were both out of sight before pulling out his phone.

If Puckett wanted to kiss other boys that was fine with him. If fact he'd make it happen.

_We're meeting up after school._

_I've already got plans._

_Change them._

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><p><strong>So what did you all think? I hope you liked it. I didn't really want to add that last part because I wanted it to be all Sam and Freddie in this chapter but unfortunately it wouldn't have had the same impact at the beginning of a chapter. <strong>

**On a side note I told my mom I think it would a super fun job to write for nickelodeon and she gave me this funny look and pointed out that English was never really my strong suit. She of course doesn't know I sit around writing fan fiction in my spare time and that while my grammar sucks and I rely far too much on spell check that I have like a million and a half ideas constantly revolving in my head and I think some of them are pretty good.**

**I thought that might make some of you laugh.**


	23. Chapter 23

**Hey everyone. I'm here with the next chapter. Its not going to be nearly as dramatic as some of you may have supposed but we still have some drama. And more seddie. Its time for some one else to think about her feelings. **

** Anyways some of you comment on Ronan being a good villain and I thought i'd let you all know that probably comes from my love of the tv show Criminal Minds. Ronan doesn't seem as sick in the mind in comparison to some of the bad guys (unsubs) they deal with. But its probably where I get my inspiration for such a twisted character. **

**Anyways enjoy this chapter. Its being posted a little early because I won't have computer access at my normal post time and rather than wait till 5pm I figured just post it early.**

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><p><strong>iAm Not Okay<strong>

**Chapter Twenty Three**

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><p>When they were dismissed from weight training Sam was out of there before anyone else made a move. She needed to stay as far away from Freddie as possible. She had tried to have a normal class with him but every time she looked at him she was once more overcome with the desire to kiss him. She had gotten away with it earlier but she couldn't do it again. Even if he didn't mind it made her feel feelings that she really shouldn't be feeling towards him.<p>

She also ran out in a hurry because she needed to check her phone again. She'd been checking it repeatedly since she'd gotten a text from Ronan earlier. She hoped it was all in her imagination and that he wasn't really demanding to see her after school. The looks he was shooting her in class hadn't been reassuring so when she pulled out the phone to check she wasn't surprised that the messages were there. She changed out of uniform and back into her clothes. She checked the phone again.

Why did he want to see her? All she could think about was talking to Freddie and how she told him everything but she never said his name. Even if he did know, which she didn't want to think about because if he knew that there was a possibility he knew that she kissed him, but she never said Ronan's name. He wasn't in trouble. What if he didn't care? What if this was just a meeting to give her fair warning before posting that video and ruining her life?

Maybe he just wanted to make out again. It'd be even more disgusting than usually knowing that he had a girlfriend but perhaps she could speed up the process and still meet up with Freddie for their study session.

Would she even be able to make it through a study session with him? That thought hadn't occurred to her yet; her mind was almost entirely focused on why it was Ronan wanted to see her. It was weird; logically she shouldn't want contact with anyone, especially contact as intimate as kissing. But that kiss had made her feel so good. It gave her a warm sensation that spread through her a defrosted her frozen toes.

When the flow of students entering the locker room woke her from her thoughts she grabbed her stuff and sprinted out. She was avoiding Carly too.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket. It was in her hand a moment later and she was pleading that the message canceled their meeting.

_My Car. Five minutes._

She sighed. She beat him to his car and was debating what to text Freddie about them meeting up when a pair of hands fell low on her hips. She spun around and stepped away.

"We agreed we weren't doing this today."

He laughed. "After earlier you still have faith in the things I say." This was true and she wanted to kick herself for believing him again. "Get in the car, passenger's seat," he added when she reached for the back door.

"Are we going somewhere?"

"You'll see," he dropped down in the driver's seat and she reluctantly got in next to him. They'd never taken this awful situation off campus. Even when he demanded her presence on the weekend they met up at the school. She opted to stare out the window as he drove.

The mall. That's where they were. She realized she still didn't know what this was about. If he wanted to make out they could have done that back at school. If he knew she told Freddie why hadn't he reprimanded her yet or just posted the video and moved on.

"Wonder what's going on Puckett?" Ronan asked. They were in the food court just watching people pass by. It reminded her of a moment quite a while back now where she and Freddie were observing people in the club as they watched over Carly. The thought kept her from answering so Ronan continued on. "I saw your little rendezvous with Benson earlier."

She really wasn't surprised by this. "I never said you're name."

"Oh I know," he assured her. "It's funny though how you both insist that that there's nothing between the two of you, when it's so damn obvious."

"There is nothing between us," Sam replied. It was a painful thought, she realized.

"Now see I just don't believe that, I mean I did sort of have doubts on your part but after that kiss earlier, well," Sam fidgeted uncomfortably. The fact that he saw her at such a weak moment made her feel sick. "But Benson I never had a doubt, that moment he actually came up to me and told me to leave you alone I knew."

Sam's eyes widened. Her crossed arms fell to her sides. She turned to Ronan completely shocked.

"He did what?"

"Guess you didn't know that did you," Ronan shrugged. "Yeah came right up to me in the locker rooms, told me how you didn't like how I treated you and how he didn't like how I treated you and asked me to lay off, I called him out on his little crush on you then but he denied it."

Sam didn't know how to respond. Some part of her wanted to be mad at Freddie for not letting her take care of herself but mostly she got the same feeling she did when he insisted on walking her to the bus stop, the feeling she got from knowing that he cared about her. She cursed him. If he kept this up there was going to be no stopping her falling in love with him. And that was truly what was happening; she was falling in love with him.

"You still want to know why we're here," Ronan asked and she remembered they were still in the middle of the mall.

"What are we doing here?"

The wicked glint in his eyes had her wishing she was anywhere else. "I just thought since you were so interested in kissing other guys, guys you don't hate, I'd give you the opportunity." She stared at him, confused. "Five guys, you pick them, I don't care which, find them, kiss them and when I say kiss them I mean like a real kiss, do you need a demonstration," he moved towards her but she stepped around him swiftly and he came very close to kissing the concrete wall they had been leaning against.

"I got it."

"You better get going Puckett and I'll be watching."

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><p>Freddie stirred the hot chocolate in front of him. He wasn't planning on drinking it, it was already too cold; as was the one sitting across from him. Sam never showed up for their study session. He called her and texted her but she never picked up and she never replied. He thought he'd wait it out though. Maybe she once again left her phone lying around or dropped it in the toilet. She wasn't always careful with it.<p>

He didn't want to think about the real reason she hadn't shown. The guy, whoever he was, was probably with her. Kissing her. Touching her.

He forced his eyes back over to his homework, but it was finished. It had already served as his distraction for the past hour.

Every time he wished Sam had never told him about the guy and the video he scolded himself. It made her feel better to tell him and if it made him uncomfortable to think about it, it was nothing compared to how uncomfortable she probably was.

"Yo, Freddie you been stood up or something," he looked up to see T-Bo standing above him.

"What?"

"You look miserable man and you ordered two hot chocolates that haven't been touched."

"Oh," he probably did look sort of pathetic sitting in the corner alone with two mugs of hot chocolate. "I was just waiting for Sam."

"That girl's always got you running in circles, sorry about that man," he picked up the hot chocolates from the table and started to walk away.

"Dude, I wasn't done with those."

"You gonna drink 'em," T-Bo asked.

"Well no but what are you going to do with them?"

"Gonna reheat it and give it to a customer that's actually going to drink it." Freddie wanted to point out that that was probably against some health regulation and that he had already paid for them but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

"If Sam shows up, can you tell her I was here?"

"Do I look like a mail man to you, just call the girl." Freddie tossed his homework back in his book bag and left before he could get angry with anyone. He stood outside a moment deciding if he wanted to go to Sam's or just go home. She probably wasn't home. She would have texted or called right? Instead he walked back to Bushwell and knocked on Carly's door. After the encounter with Sam he'd nearly forgotten about the dizzy girl.

Spencer opened the door. It took him a moment to realize he knocked rather just walking in. Normally he just walked in.

"How's Carly?" Did Spencer know about her dizzy spell? The school would have called to tell him.

"I made her lay down when she got home and took her school books away." Responsible Spencer was always a weird sight. "I was about to go get her for dinner, you want to stay?"

"Nah, I promised my mom I'd eat with her before she leaves for work." As true as that was he was more afraid that he'd blurt out the situation with Sam to Carly and the last thing Carly needed was more stress. "Tell her I said hey."

"Will do."

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><p>Sam curled up under her comforter and then pulled another blanket over her. She was really starting to hate the cold. She'd stood in the shower for ten minutes just relaxing in the extremely hot water before actually cleaning herself. Then she put on the heaviest flannel pajamas she owned and piled her wet hair on top of her head. The cold was still trying to get to her.<p>

There wasn't any food in the house, her mom was supposed to go shopping but it looked like she wasn't going to make it home until morning. She wanted to fall asleep but when her eyes closed she ended up thinking about the mall; it hadn't gone as bad as she had expected on hearing Ronan's plan. She had come across a group of boys and when considering how to approach one of them she made up the story of a dare from her friends to kiss five random strangers. None of these boys went to her school, although most recognized her from iCarly. They were more than willing to help her out with her dare and had actually been gentlemanly about it. There were six boys and after kissing the first five she felt sort of bad for the sixth one but he promptly explained he had a girlfriend. It was awkward for her of course although she did her best not to let it show. Otherwise it wasn't that bad; in comparison nothing was as bad as kissing Ronan. Just the thought made her want to get back in the shower but the water needed time to warm back up.

She had kissed seven boys today. Before the whole ordeal with Ronan she'd only kissed three boys in her entire life and she'd willing give all but the first one back.

Sam took the phone from the bedside table, pulled the comforter over her head and started to scroll through her missed messages. Three missed calls from Freddie and a text message.

_Where are you? Call me._

It took a minute for her to actually tap the call button.

"Hey, you okay?"

His voice actually warmed her up better than the layers of blankets. Her mind briefly flashed on the little bit of her class she caught earlier. Someone had brought up physics and she remembered hearing her teacher explain that everything falls at the same speed unless acted upon. For some reason she felt like it was a good representation of her feelings at the moment.

"Just hungry," she replied. "Sorry I missed our study session."

"No big deal, we can reschedule." That would be true if it didn't seem like Ronan was going to be claiming all her free time.

"I'll let you know when I'm free."

"You said you were hungry?"

"Mom went shopping earlier, she's not back yet." Sam explained.

"Take out?"

"I'm broke."

"You mean you don't have a secret stash of money just for Fat Cakes hidden under your pillow?"

"Oh I do," she laughed. "My mom took it for the groceries."

"I can order you a pizza," he said and Sam felt her eyes sting. She forced back the tears deciding she had cried enough for one day.

"Alright, I'll pay you back." She really meant it this time.

"Don't worry about it." It was silent for a minute. "I'll have to hang up to call the pizza place."

"Thanks Freddie," Sam almost hit the end call button and then shouted. "Wait."

"What's wrong?"

"How's Carly?" She could have sworn she heard him laugh a little.

"Spencer has her resting and eating, she's fine."

"Okay good, go order my pizza Benson."

"Meat lovers right, with extra cheese."

"You got it."

Sam hung up the phone and snuggled deeper into the blankets. Her teacher was right. Freddie had acted, she reacted and now she was done falling. She was already in love with him.

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><p><strong>So what did you think? I tried to make the ending sweet rather then corny. Or at least more sweet than corny. Sorry that last bit is mostly dialogue but I felt it worked best with just Sam's thoughts and that most of their feelings were expressed through the dialogue anyways. <strong>


	24. Chapter 24

**So in this chapter we have our girls trying to take back their lives. For one its not necessarily better yet and for the other things are finally starting to work in her favor. I think you guys are going to really like the chapter after this one and a moment so many of you are waiting for comes around in the chapter after that one. This chapter's good to though and its what you're getting right now so do enjoy it. **

**Also, the last chapter got sixteen reviews I believe. That's like a record for this story. I've been meaning to reply and thank you all but I've been busy this week. I just wish research papers were as easy to focus on as my stories. **

**Anyways read and enjoy**

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><p><strong>iAm Not Okay<strong>

**Chapter Twenty Four**

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><p>Carly leaned against her locket for support. Monday night Spencer had been on her case about not resting enough and she had been forced to stay in bed. Unfortunately just lying in bed wasn't enough to have her rest as her mind was racing over how much study time she was losing. And she still had access to the internet through her phone so she spent a large portion of time scrolling through iCarly's monitored comments. They were starting to become repetitive.<p>

She ate about half the dinner Spencer gave her. He wanted her to eat more but she had no appetite. Strange considering how little she'd eaten that day. She hadn't eaten much the following day either. Sam and Freddie had not said a single word to her and the stress had once again stolen any desire she had to eat.

This morning she got a 'hey' out of each of them that confirmed they weren't mad at her but she couldn't help but notice they said nothing to each other. She pushed herself off the locker when the bell rang. Her arms felt weak lifting the bag of books she had to carry and she decided she would force herself to eat lunch. Every last bit of it.

Sam was quiet through most of their study hall. They were still on edge with each other about the Groovie Smoothie incident but when they each pulled out colored note cards with iCarly ideas on them they managed a full conversation.

Carly tried to discretely look for signs that Sam had a boyfriend but even when her phone buzzed she didn't glance at it. She didn't have the new relationship vibe about her.

Lunch came around and she was nowhere to be seen. Freddie took a seat across from her; she asked if he'd seen their mutual friend. When he found out she wasn't in the lunch room somewhere he looked distressed, and to Carly's surprise, sad. He glanced up every time the door opened. He checked his phone every two minutes. He never took a bite of his food.

She however ate everything.

During her hours of resting when Spencer banned her from leaving her room she had contemplated why she had started eating less. She wanted to blame the iCarly comments but rarely did anyone call her fat. She didn't want to admit it was Brian's fault. She always told herself she'd never let a boy do that to her; she'd never let anyone do that to her. Nobody was to tell her that she wasn't fine the way she was.

She wasn't going to let him control her anymore. He was out of her life. And the last bites of her sandwich were going in her stomach even if she was already full.

"You gonna eat that?" She asked Freddie and pointed towards his pudding cup. He shook his head and handed it to her.

"You okay?" He nodded his head. Before she could get any real words out of him the bell rang.

Carly ate the pudding cup before class. With the exception of the one bite of cake she hadn't had anything sweet and sugar filled in well over a month. She swallowed most of it down in three bites and spent class with attention divided three ways. Sam's absence, Freddie's silence, and what she was actually supposed to be learning. She was convinced the first two were connected but was still working out how. Her stomach turned. Maybe she shouldn't have eaten so fast.

Freddie must have known where Sam was, he wouldn't have looked so worried otherwise. But sad wasn't making and sense. So where was Sam? Carly still sort of believed that she was seeing someone. Maybe Freddie knew who it was and didn't like him. He never looked sad about her dating Brian though so there must have been more to it. What did the teacher just say?

What if Freddie was jealous? A year ago the thought would have been laughable but now it wasn't impossible. They spent time together. They smiled and laughed together. Her stomach lurched again. Maybe she shouldn't have eaten so much.

And what were the signs Freddie mentioned, he picked at her, he knew little things about her: her favorite smoothie flavor, her favorite pizza toppings, which episode of Girly Cow she could watch a million times and not get bored with it. Her hand shot into the air.

"Miss Shay?"

"May I go to the restroom?" She was already on her feet.

"Of course." She ran out of the room heading for the nearest bathroom. She'd barely made it into the stall when she had to hang herself over the toilet. Everything she'd eaten in the past hour made a reappearance and the sight made her gag worse. She slipped down on the floor to catch her breath. She needed to get up on her feet and go to the nurse, if only the fire alarm didn't start blaring throughout the school.

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><p>Sam had never been so thankful for a fire alarm in all her life.<p>

That morning she wanted to say something to Freddie when she saw him. She wanted to thank him for getting her pizza, letting her cry like a baby and not saying anything about it and letting her kiss him. It wasn't what she originally planned on thinking about last night; she intended not to think about it at all but what with her realization it seemed fine. And focusing on that kiss kept her mind off all the others.

When she saw him she couldn't speak. That bothered her. So she resolved to speak to him at lunch whether her mouth agreed or not.

If only Ronan wasn't dead set on ruining her life.

He wanted them to meet up and make out in the janitor's closet.

At least she didn't have to go back outside.

"So Puckett," Ronan said "got some good news." She really hoped his family was moving to California, or New York, or the moon.

"Oh yeah, what's that?"

"Broke it off with my girlfriend yesterday." She supposed that could be good news, she wouldn't have to feel as guilty anymore.

"Lucky girl."

"Wanna know why I broke up with her?" She didn't care at all actually and was beginning to think Ronan had serious issues with attention and that he needed it constantly or he'd probably go comatose.

"You'll tell me no matter what I say." Lunch was over and she was starved, all she cared about at the moment was food.

"Marcy came back from the retreat she was on, now she gone all pure on me." He explained.

"Good for her." She could understand why anyone would want to sleep with his slimy self to begin with.

"And for you, we'll be spending a lot more time together you see," Ronan had that glimmer in his eye again. The one that meant no good for her.

"What do you mean?" she asked cautiously.

"I mean next time we see each other I've planned for us to have a lot more fun." She shook her head immediately. She promised herself when she entered this agreement she wouldn't have sex with him. She rather him post the video and take her chances with the backlash.

"You agreed we wouldn't do-" she saw the look in his eyes once more and stopped herself. It didn't matter what he said.

"You're catching on," he replied. "But I guess I can give you the option, we take this thing to the next level or the whole world is going to get a really good look at you on that video."

"I-" the whole world was really big. She couldn't help but think of how many views they had on the webshow. But that didn't matter, the answer was no. "I-" It was harder to get out than she thought. The only option she wanted to pick right now was curling up in a ball and hiding in the mop bucket behind her. But that wasn't a choice. And there really was only one choice.

"Tick, tock Puckett," Ronan said.

"No." That's when the alarm went off. Temporarily muting everyone in the school. Sam nearly jumped out of her skin; she managed to stumble into the mop bucket. Ronan hadn't heard her answer.

"Guess you just got yourself a little more time." Sam didn't have the ability to give her answer again before he was gone. They had snuck out of the closet and managed to blend into the flow of kids heading for the door. Sam did her best of lose herself in the crowd and put as much distance between her and Ronan as possible. Once outside she went looking for the students from the class she was supposed to be in. She'd go back in with them and hopefully her teacher wouldn't even notice.

The teacher a little ways away and when Sam saw her she started to shove her was through the crowd. She bumped shoulders with a girl who was so off balance she fell to the ground. She almost kept walking but caught a glimpse of the girl's face and turned back.

"Carly? Sorry I didn't even see you there." She pulled the girl back up on her feet but kept a tight hold on her arm. She looked disoriented and Sam didn't want her to end up back on the concrete. "You okay?"

She started to shake her head but stopped quickly. "Mmm, I ate too much at lunch; it's not sitting well on my stomach." Sam excused her own problems and helped Carly over to the nearest curb. Her teacher was just a few feet away and seemed to acknowledge that one of them was sick. Maybe she'd not call out Sam on missing a huge chunk of class. Her legs started to shake. Now that she wasn't moving she realized she was a little more than just cold. Carly who was looking less green now that she was sitting noticed.

"Where's your coat?"

"I wasn't in class when the bell rang." Not that that would have helped since her coat was in her locker.

"Where were you?"

"Bathroom." Sam lied.

"Really, cause I was in the bathroom trying to hold down my food."

"Must have been a different bathroom." Sam reasoned. "Are you feeling better yet?"

"The fresh air is helping." She pulled off her little sweat jacket and tossed it over Sam's legs.

"Aren't you cold now?"

"The fresh air helps," Carly repeated. "And it's only for a second." They sat quietly waiting for the cue to reenter the building. Sam was happy that her friend was eating again but it worried her that she wasn't able to hold the meal down properly.

"Want to come over after school and study?" Carly asked. Sam almost replied 'sure' when she remembered Ronan's conditions. She'd have to meet up with him and give him her answer again.

"I'll try to make it okay?" The first of the students were moving back into the building.

"Okay." They stood and followed the rest of the student body. Sam gave Carly her sweatshirt back when they reached the doors. Unable to stop herself Sam stepped forward and hugged Carly. Carly immediately hugged her back and then they parted ways.

Sam hardly paid attention at all for the remainder of class. She just sat in her seat mentally listing the pros and cons of her options. She could just text Ronan her answer and then never have to deal with him again. But if he was going to ruin her life then she felt she deserved the chance to ruin his in return. The best option she could come up with was turning him in to Principal Franklin. Ronan was sneaky though and she feared he'd find a way to get out of trouble. Her other option was to confront him and take care of things the way she best knew how and beat him into unconsciousness. The only problem with that was she had been feeling less than great all day and it made her weaker. To farther prove that point her eyes were starting to water and her nose was starting to run, it had happened last night too. She was disappointed in how quickly the seconds ticked away before she was forced to go to weight training. A decision had to be made.

"Sam be careful." Freddie and Gibby hurried to remove the weight bar from her hands when it shook and tipped dangerously to the side. She sat up, wiping her sweaty palms on her gym shorts. She owed them one for not letting it fall on her. Somewhere between distraction and a weak feeling in her arms she couldn't shake, the bar just no longer mattered to her.

"Puckett, what's going on over here?" the coach approached them and Sam realized Freddie had probably shouted at her to be careful. It explained why the whole class was staring in her direction.

"I'm okay coach, just lost my grip." The coach looked at her skeptically. She watched him glance at the boys for some sort of confirmation. Rather than back up her story they shrugged uncertainly. Much to her dismay and not aiding her story she sneezed and her nose started running again. The coach placed his hand on her forehead.

"I'm no doctor Puckett but I'm pretty sure your head's not supposed to feel like a baked potato."

"I'm fine." She stood and crossed her arms firmly.

"You're going to the nurse, Miss Arnolds escort her please." One of the girls moved forward but she was already at the door.

"I can walk myself there." And she did. The nurse took her temperature and called her mom. She wasn't allowed back at school until her temperature dropped back below one hundred and preferable back to a normal ninety-eight point six. In the car with her mom she texted Carly that she may not be at rehearsal but that she would love some chicken soup. Before she got the chance to text Freddie he had sent her one. Apparently a message had been sent back to class saying that she was very sick and had been sent home for a few days and he said he would get one of the girls to get her stuff and he'd drop it off at her place.

It made her smile and she couldn't understand why being in love with someone made such a simple act seem so unbearably sweet.

Her phone beeped again.

_Get some rest._

_Don't tell me what to do. (:_

She felt like such a girl adding the smiley face. Her phone beeped once more and she had to force herself not to dive for it. She frowned when she saw it wasn't Freddie but Ronan who texted her.

_You bought yourself a few more days Puckett._

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><p><strong>So what's Sam going to do? Only five or six chapters to go now.<br>**


	25. Chapter 25

**Okay this chapter and next few chapters are all going to take place over the course of one day and basically its a bunch of stuff happening every where you look. This chapter is basically all Freddie. The next is mostly Freddie (as well as chapter I think you will all like quite a bit). Lots of drama coming up. And I realized that now that i'm all caught up in the next story i'm working on i've forgotten to write the last chapter and a half for this story. But don't worry they'll be done and more than likely they will be done on time. **

**So yes enjoy this chapter**

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><p><strong>iAm Not Okay<strong>

**Chapter Twenty Five**

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><p>A year ago a day without Sam at school was a blessing to Freddie. And two was even better. Now a day without Sam was painful. He missed her. It's not like he even saw her that often during school but when he did her presence, even when she was in a bad mood, was welcome.<p>

Sam was obviously still sick; possibly even more than she was two days ago. Yesterday she'd gone through the trouble of texting him to bring her a smoothie after school but today she hadn't sent a single message. He asked Carly if she had heard from her and she said she had talked to Mrs. Puckett. Sam had taken some medicine that put her straight to sleep.

"You think we'll still be able to do iCarly tonight?" He asked. It was lunch and Carly had zoned out of the conversation. She wasn't eating again. She hadn't touched her lunch yesterday either. He hadn't seen her take a bite of food since lunch on Wednesday. "Carly."

She looked up from the textbook in front of her. They had been reminded in every class they walked into that final exams were next week and she now had her nose in a book at all times. When she finally looked up at him he could see just how blood shot her eyes were. Maybe Spencer wasn't keeping a close enough eye on her because it looked like she hadn't slept in days; even the carefully applied make up wasn't helping.

"I'm sorry Freddie what did you say?"

"Are we still going to do iCarly tonight, I mean you can co-host with Gibby and we can just do a lot of videos and pre-filmed stuff."

"Uh, yeah, that's a good idea; it'll give us more time to study." Rather than try to discuss the matter more Freddie dumped the remains of his lunch and decided to spend the remainder of his time in the library looking through the stock footage he had for iCarly on his laptop. He sat down in one of the more comfortable chairs, plugged in his headphones and started flipping through the site seeing which skits and videos they had posted recently. If one got better comments than others it was good to note.

Sam and Carly were really the ones with the knack for picking videos. He always made suggestions but when the trio voted they didn't usually make the cut. But they'd been so distracted lately his choices were slipping in more and more often and he could tell by the comments the viewers didn't like them nearly as much. They didn't hate them, well most didn't, but they could see a difference.

As he scrolled he came across a comment that made his eyes widen. A word he had obviously missed when he updated the monitored comments. He deleted it quickly and clicked around to the settings so he could add it to the list. He intended to just add the word and get back to the videos but he caught sight of something unusual. A second email address was listed; and the settings were changed.

"No, no, no Carly." He panicked. Why would she do this to herself? He deleted her email and changed the settings back so most of the comments were automatically deleted. He was mad at himself for not checking this earlier. Recently any comment emails from the site he just deleted; so few of them ended up being clean anyways. He never noticed the jump in the amount of emails he received.

He needed to talk to Carly about this. It could be one of the reasons she was acting so strange. He wanted to tell Sam too, he knew how worried she was about her best friend, but it was only fair to talk to the brunette first.

He glanced at the bottom of the screen hoping maybe he could catch her before the end of lunch. That's when he realized not only was lunch over but so was his next class and that his final class was starting in about a minute. How did he miss the bell? He had his head phones in but the bell was loud enough to hear over them. He vowed to speak to Carly immediately after school and crammed all his belongings back into his bag.

The library was on the other side of the school as the gym. Class was already started by the time he reached the steps to the locker room. Coach was going to kill him. He'd be running laps for the rest of the day. He was debating skipping the class entirely and claiming he was sick; surely his mother could find something wrong with him. He opened the door to the men's locker rooms and stopped when he heard a familiar surname.

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><p>"Man you better find it, that's the only other copy besides the one on my computer, and if someone else finds it," Ronan shook his head; that just couldn't happen. If Joey had lost the USB drive with the video on it he was dead. If someone else got hold of it he was screwed.<p>

"Here, here I found it." Joey pulled the flash drive from his bag, his hand shook with nerves as he tried to hand it Ronan. He pushed it away. "I thought you needed it." He stuttered out.

"I don't yet, but Puckett still hasn't gotten back to me on her decision yet and I just want to make sure you have that at easy access," Ronan explained. He ran his fingers through his hair. He was nervous too.

"You really think she'd rather have this plastered all over the internet than sleep with you, I think she'll cave if you wait a little longer." Joey said reassuringly.

"I don't think so, you'd think a girl like her wouldn't be such a prude but she is." Ronan said. "It's been how long since we started this and she still flinches every time I touch her, toughest girl in school? Not likely."

Joey forced a laugh. He just didn't want the girl to ever find out he was the other one involved in this scheme. "We should probably get to class, if we're any later coach is going to make us run laps."

Ronan wasn't listening. "Did you see Benson in the locker room?"

"No, but I didn't see him at lunch either, maybe he's sick."

"I saw him earlier, in the halls." Ronan pointed out.

Joey shrugged, "maybe he went home sick."

With one last glance around he nodded in agreement.

* * *

><p>It took all of Freddie's will power to not march into the locker rooms and put himself in a situation he couldn't handle. What was he going to do? Hit Ronan? He wanted to do so much more than that. His hands were shaking; so were his knees. Anger and self-control were arguing over who had control of his limbs, finally self-control won out. Ronan and Joey were heading his way and thanks to the privacy wall right inside the door he had a chance to get away unseen. He did so as quietly as he could and dunked away behind the open door of the equipment room until Ronan and Joey were upstairs and out of sight.<p>

Freddie wanted to bang his head against the wall; he'd never felt so stupid. It didn't surprise him in the slightest that Ronan was the one making Sam's life miserable. And he couldn't believe he had actually acted like a friend to the guy. His hands started shaking more obviously but he was determined to keep calm. The logical part of his mind was working in overdrive, convincing him to use this opportunity to help Sam.

He could take the flash drive and destroy it. He could hack Ronan's computer and delete the original file. It would be like it never existed. It would be so easy.

But he didn't want it to not exist. If it didn't exist Ronan could never be held responsible for what he did to Sam.

He thought for a minute about what to do before finally deciding to go to Principal Franklin. Sam was going to hate him for it. He supposed he could do his best to leave out any little details but he wanted Ronan to pay and the only way to do that was to tell everything. He wandered the empty halls to towards the main office slower than he expected.

He didn't want Sam to hate him; but Sam would want to get back at Ronan too. At least old Sam would. In her current state she'd probably just be happy to have the tape disappear but later on she'd regret not getting even.

He was in the main office, standing at the secretary's desk before he came out of his thoughts. She was looking at him oddly but he couldn't blame her since he wasn't saying anything. "May I speak to Principal Franklin? It's important."

"One moment," she beeped into the office and sent Freddie in.

"Freddie, what brings you here?" Principal Franklin asked. He didn't say anything at first. He glanced over his shoulder at the closed door nervously. "I can ask for us not to be disturbed."

"Hopefully this won't take long," Freddie said stepping farther into the office.

"Take a seat then." He gestured to the seat in front of the desk and moved the papers he was reading to the side.

"The video, the one from a couple of months ago, uh the one-" Freddie didn't like saying it out loud.

"I believe I know which one you're talking about," he assured him. "Did you have some information on who posted it?"

"I know who posted it, I know where he keeps the file and I know who has the only other copy." He blurted all this out quickly. Principal Franklin's eyes widened a bit.

"I'm guessing this is new information or you would have brought it up before now."

"Yes, I uh just over heard Ronan and Joey talking about it in the boys locker room, Ronan has the video on his computer and Joey is holding the only other copy on a flash drive."

"I can have their bags confiscated and serched, but I'm not sure I can hold them responsible for taking the video without more proof."

Freddie sighed. So Regan would be suspended? Expelled? It really wasn't as much revenge as he would like but it was the best he could do without spilling out more information. "He's using the video to blackmail Sam; she told me herself but refused to tell me who it was."

Principal Franklin looked surprised and then nodded like it made perfect sense. "I guess this could explain why she hasn't been getting into nearly as much trouble lately; how exactly is she being blackmailed?" Freddie didn't say anything just stared at his hands making it clear he didn't want to talk about it. Principal Franklin was a smart man and was able to figure it out from there. "I'll need to hear that from her before I can do anything about it."

"Do you think he'll get punished for it?"

"If we have some proof then it's likely yes."

"Good."

"Ronan is in gym now, I'm assuming."

"Yes but if you call him out you have to take Joey too, if he doesn't get caught too-"

"Don't worry about it, I'll make sure they are both reprimanded at same time." The man assured him. "Let me get on of the school security guards and the maintenance man to meet us at the weight room and will head over, unless you would prefer to not come?"

Freddie debated in his head which to do. He wanted so badly to be there when Ronan was busted but that also put him on Ronan's list. Maybe he could lift more weight in class but fighting wasn't his strong suit and he'd preferably avoid one.

"I think it might be best if I sat this out."

"I agree," Principal Franklin stood, "you may wait in the main office until school is out, just tell the receptionist you're waiting to be picked up early."

Freddie could subdue his urge to do more to help. "Principal Franklin wait," he said standing up from his own chair. "Does the school keep all its security footage?"

"We keep a few months at a time and then gradually start taping over it, but there aren't any cameras in the locker rooms."

"But there are in the hallway outside the gym."

Principal Franklin smiled. "I'll send the other security guard to get the video footage from the security camera and have him meet you here, you just tell him what he needs to look for."

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><p><strong>So I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter and I must say that I know a lot of you were expecting a confrontation between Freddie and Ronan and I must tell you not to worry because the next chapter is where you'll get to see that. <strong>

**Anyways let me know what you thought.**


	26. Chapter 26

**Don't really have much to say this time. It occurred to me during editing that while this chapter has a scene a lot of you are looking forward to I don't think I went about it the way you all were expecting. But its still good I think. And there is a little twist at the end of the chapter that I bet you all didn't see coming. Or maybe you did. I hope you'll enjoy this either way. **

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><p><strong>iAm Not Okay<strong>

**Chapter Twenty Six**

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><p>Carly walked into her apartment to find Sam sitting on the couch. She looked better but not much. On the table in front of her was a gallon jug of orange juice that was half empty next to a completely drained bowl of what smelled like chicken noodle soup.<p>

"You're here?"

"iCarly's tonight," Sam replied coolly. "I know we didn't rehearse anything this week but I figured we could improvise most of it."

"Freddie and I talked about just using some videos; we didn't want you getting out of bed if you're still sick." Carly dropped her bag on the floor and stepped over to get to Sam. She placed her palm on her friend's forehead. She was still warm.

"You both worry too much, besides I slept almost the entire day." Sam picked up her jug of orange juice and chugged some more of it down.

"You should drink some water too."

"Hmm, I want a smoothie," Sam replied. "I'm gonna text Freddie and have him bring me one, did you want one too?"

"Uh," Carly was surprised the girl couldn't hear her stomach growling. She hadn't eaten anything except for a few saltines and water since she threw up in the girls' bathroom. She was afraid of having it all make another appearance in her toilet. She was aware that she couldn't eat like that for the rest of her life but knew she wouldn't be able to do anything about it until after exams when her stomach wasn't flipping with nerves. Maybe she could try some dry cereal.

"I'm good, make sure you tell him you're here though I think he said he was going to come see you after school." Changing the subject before it's even brought up. She mentally patted herself on the back. Carly took note of Sam's smile when she was texting. It was like someone had given her a whole ham. "Sam you really should be resting and I was planning on studying, I think we should just let Freddie run some videos and the prerecorded stuff."

"Can we at least do an intro or something?" Sam really did enjoy doing iCarly every week. Carly liked that the girl actually put some effort into it. She looked back at her bag lying on the floor and was torn over wanting to not get behind on her study schedule and jumping at the chance at Sam willingly doing work.

"Let's work something quick up, I can study when Freddie gets here and you can help him pick the videos for tonight's show."

* * *

><p>Freddie was halfway to Sam's house when he got a text saying she was at Carly's and that she wanted a smoothie. He turned abruptly and was nearly running back in the other direction. He wanted so badly to tell Sam that Ronan had been busted and that the videos were confiscated. Principal Franklin even came back to confirm it with him. The boys wouldn't face any consequences until there bags had been thoroughly searched and the security footage viewed but they'd be reprimanded on Monday for sure; or sooner depending on how much trouble they were in. He had almost called her but he wanted to tell her in person. He wanted to be able to reassure her that the video was no longer a problem. Then she could either hit him or hug him or whatever other actions she may feel compelled to act on.<p>

He dropped into the Groovie Smoothie to get Sam's drink and was just stepping back outside when he froze. Ronan, Joey and a few other boys were sitting around one of the tables set up outside. Had they been there when he walked in? Was he in such a rush he hadn't even noticed them? Maybe they had shown up when he was inside. Not that any of this actually mattered; he was just paranoid. He didn't go with Principal Franklin to bust Ronan because he didn't want to be on the receiving end of his anger. He was hoping to get away unseen then too but luck was not on his side.

"Benson," he turned to find that Ronan was on his feet. "I need to ask you something, come here."

Just the sound of his voice put Freddie on edge. It hadn't changed and his tone didn't suggest he knew Freddie was the one who got his bag confiscated but that didn't matter. Everything about him was suddenly irritating and the only explanation Freddie had was it was just now sinking in what this narcissistic, womanizing jerk had done to Sam. He stepped forward, setting down the smoothie on a nearby table. Now his fists hung at his sides, nails digging into his palms to keep them from shaking again. "What?"

"Did you tell anyone?"

"Excuse me?" He couldn't know.

"Did you tell anyone, about the pills I gave to Joey?"

"What?" Freddie was completely thrown off. He had forgotten almost entirely about the conversation so long ago. He had since then seen a few exchanges of the bottle of steroids in the locker room but never paid it much attention.

"Look Benson I know you're all out of it 'cause your little girlfriend's been missing school but focus long enough to answer me, did you tell anyone?"

Freddie shook his head. "No."

"All I needed to know," he started to move back to the table but Freddie stopped him. He'd almost managed to make it through the conversation until he mentioned Sam. He didn't even mention her by name but it was still enough to push him to breaking point. "What Benson?"

Ronan stumbled backwards when Freddie's fist slammed into the side of his face. He clutched his cheek while Freddie cradled his hand. It hurt more than he had expected. The look in Ronan's eyes shot rapidly through confusion, realization and anger within a few seconds. He got his footing back and sensing what was coming Freddie tried to back away; he had lost his advantage and the chance to take another swing. Ronan's friends were on their feet already and he didn't have time to register them holding him still when Ronan's fist collided with his face. And then again. If it wasn't for the other boys holding him up as a human punching bag he'd probably be lying on the ground. The bell above the door rang signaling the attention of the Groovie Smoothie patrons had been drawn. Nobody bothered to help him though. The next hit was to his stomach and knocked the wind out of him. Two more followed, he was released and shoved to the ground. He could distantly hear shouting; different than that of the nasty comments Ronan had yelled at him and louder than that of the crowd cheering 'fight, fight.'

Footsteps scattered and Freddie was being pulled off the ground and sat in a chair. After a few minutes his head stopped spinning and he was able see T-Bo and Gibby standing in front of him.

"Man, are you alright?" Gibby asked. "What possessed you to get into a fight with Ronan, are you trying to get messed up?"

He had to peer up at the boy through his eye that was quickly swelling. His whole face was throbbing. He reached up to feel how bad it was and pulled back his fingers when they came in contact with the warm, wet blood. He wasn't sure if that was from his mouth or nose.

T-Bo and Gibby talked for a moment before Gibby pulled him up on his feet and they started towards Bushwell Plaza. "Okay I don't care if you tell me why you were in a fight but you got to try and stay on your feet man." Gibby was doing his best to keep him from swaying and thankfully by the time they reached the lobby at Bushwell he was walking almost entirely on his own.

"I can't go to my apartment I don't know if my mom left for work yet and she can't see me like this," Freddie said as the got to the elevator, the glossy finish on the doors reflected a blurred version his appearance. He had completely lost track of what time it was, would his mom still be home. How late had it gotten.

"We'll go to Carly's, they can help you."

"Sam and Carly can't know either," Freddie said shaking his head. "Carly doesn't need any more stress and Sam just can't know I was in a fight with Ronan."

Gibby convinced him to come to the apartment. He entered first while Freddie waited in the hall. Thinking back, now that he could finally feel something aside from the pain he'd have to say it was worth it. Sure he was going to be a mess for a while but Ronan too was going to still be sporting a black eye on Monday; if he hadn't been reprimanded yet. Gibby appeared at the door again and pulled him inside.

Spencer who was working in the kitchen on putting together some Spaghetti Tacos dropped everything when he saw Freddie limping in. "Dude what happened?"

"It's nothing," Freddie insisted.

"Are you kidding, when your mom gets a look at you she's going to put you in a plastic bubble and then in a padded room." Spencer helped him to the chair and he slowly dropped down into it.

He didn't have a mirror to see himself more clearly but he must look pretty bad. Gibby went to retrieve a damp washcloth and an ice pack from the kitchen. He had just handed them to Freddie when stomping alerted them to Sam and Carly returning downstairs.

"Gibby we couldn't find your three headed stuffed bear anywhere, are you sure you didn't just dream the whole thing up." Carly and Sam just appeared on the upper landing of the stairs. Freddie wanted to disappear and Spencer who caught on tried to cause a distraction but it was too late. Carly caught sight of Freddie, gasped and ran over to him. Sam too noticed the damaged boy but stayed stuck on the final step of the stairs.

"What happened?" She went to touch him but stopped. He was so badly bruised she probably was afraid to touch him. He wasn't sure what to say at first. Then it hit him. If the girls could lie about their wellbeing while they obviously weren't okay then he could do the same.

"I'm okay."

"You are not okay!" She shouted back and he had to question why he had never done the same. Months of watching his two favorite people in complete disarray assuring him they were fine and only once did he refuse to accept "I'm okay" as an answer. And that one time he hadn't even been able to help. "Freddie Benson you tell what happened right now!"

"I got into a fight."

"Why?" the brunette demanded, "with who?" Freddie thought Carly was reacting a little over the top but she did tend to be dramatic. He was actually more concerned with Sam's reaction to the whole situation. She wasn't stupid and it was only a matter of time before she figured out who he was in a fight with. The blonde still stood at the foot of the steps looking like a statue.

"Does any of that really matter?"

Carly was stunned. "What do you mean it doesn't matter?" She spun around to Sam. "Make him answer me, he'll listen to you."

"I, uh," Sam couldn't get any real words out. Carly's concern turned to her seemingly mute friend and she took a step forward. Freddie wasn't sure if she had tripped over her own feet or just the air because suddenly she was on the ground. When she didn't make a noise or move to get up Spencer quickly dropped down beside her and Sam unfroze from her spot. Spencer pulled Carly into his arms and started shouting at one of them to call 911.

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><p><strong>Sooo, probably not like you had originally in mind. But still good right? I hope. Let me know what you're thinking.<strong>


	27. Chapter 27

**So here is the next chapter. We left off on a bit of a cliff hanger last time. **

**You should note that I don't hate Mrs. Benson (although you might after the end of the chapter) I find her very amusing and think her reaction in this chapter is kind of appropriate for her. So try not to hate her, just be kind of mad and understand she's just being her crazy overprotective self. **

**So yes enjoy this chapter. Only a few left now. I'm trying to work on my other story so I can get to posting it soon. I had been hoping the newest episode of iCarly would encourage to write more and it sort of did but I like to write Freddie as a gentleman and that last episode made him out to be a real jerk. Its screwing with my ability to write.**

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><p><strong>iAm Not Okay<strong>

**Chapter Twenty Seven**

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><p>Marissa Benson looked over the clipboard in front of her and hooked it back on the patient's bed. It was still early in her long night of work. It was worth it to work twelve hour shifts three days a week so she'd have more days off to spend with her Freddie. Unfortunately Freddie hadn't gotten home from school until after she had to leave and that always made the night a little longer. Perhaps she could call him during her next break and make sure he ate all of the dinner she had prepared for him before she left.<p>

She went back to the main desk to check when exactly her next break was to be sure she wouldn't be calling Freddie too late. She was just getting ready to make another round to her patients when a nurse called her name.

"Marissa dear what are you doing up here?"

"I'm sorry am I supposed to be somewhere else right now?"

"Oh no, I just, Kate said she saw your son down in the emergency room." Marissa didn't hear anything else. She dropped her clipboard where she was and was rushing to the stairs. The elevator would take too long.

* * *

><p>"When do you think the nurse will be back?" Sam asked.<p>

"Soon I hope." Freddie replied automatically. "Carly will be okay."

The waiting room was full of patients that looked far worse than Carly, only they were still conscious. Sam, Freddie noted, hadn't really spoken to him so much as she just voiced her thoughts. She hadn't actually said anything to him since he showed up a mess at Carly's apartment. He wanted to talk to her but the one time he started to she got up and went to the restroom.

Spencer was sitting next them looking distraught. A nurse had come out to say Carly was going to be fine but hadn't stayed long enough to answer questions and Spencer was frustrated. Other nurses had approached but they were only inquiring as to whether someone had helped them or not. Freddie kept forgetting that he was a mess and Sam was still a little pale and running a fever.

Finally their nurse came back and asked them to follow her down a hallway. A doctor was just stepping outside of a room when they stopped. He looked up at the small group, clearly taken back by their general appearance but continued on unfazed.

"Spencer Shay?"

Spencer jumped. "Right here, how's Carly?"

"Miss Shay is going to be just fine; she passed out from a combination of stress, exhaustion and a mild case of malnutrition." The doctor explained. "She's certainly not the first case I've seen, I can only assume that this was brought on by approaching exams."

"And an inconsiderate jerk of a boyfriend." Sam muttered and the same time Freddie added. "And some petty iCarly viewers with no lives."

Spencer looked at them momentarily confused and like he wanted to ask but instead just turned to the doctor asking if he could see Carly.

"In a minute, but first I was hoping to get some more specific answers on Carly's condition and what caused it." Spencer nodded and the doctor lifted the clipboard in his hand and scanned it quickly. "How has Carly been eating lately?"

"I-" Spencer started to answer but was cut off by a shout. Mrs. Benson was at the end of hall and running towards them quickly. The doctor started to acknowledge her but he was shoved aside as she tossed her arms around her son. Freddie tried unsuccessfully to pry his mother off of him. She was to frantic to even speak to. After assuring herself he wasn't going to drop dead then and there she took a breath and asked what had happened.

"I'm okay mom."

"You are clearly not fine, what's wrong with him," she asked, rounding on the doctor.

"Well from the looks of it this boy has been in some sort of tussle but I cannot be sure as he is not my patient, I'm taking care of the gentleman's little sister." The doctor waved his pen in Spencer's direction. The brother looked very much irritated that Mrs. Benson was delaying his time to see Carly.

"Why?" Marissa asked urgently. "What makes her condition so much more important than my son's?"

"Well Nurse Benson I was just asking about that when you joined us."

"She said she hasn't been feeling well lately, went to the nurse last week about being dizzy and her stomach was giving her problems a few days ago, she's been mostly eating crackers and water." Spencer explained.

"Her nutrition looks a little worse than just a few days gentle food."

"She hasn't been eating properly for months." Sam jumped in. "She started eating less when she was dating Brian, he was an overly critical-" She stopped the name calling and moved on to what was important. "I can't remember the last time I saw her take more than two bites of a meal."

"She did a few days ago," Freddie interrupted. "She ate her entire lunch on Wednesday and even part of mine."

"Wednesday after school she started complaining about her stomach." Spencer agreed.

"I saw her during the fire drill right after lunch and she looked sort of green." Sam mentioned. "She said she had eaten too much but to be honest I didn't fully believe her, actually she looked as though she'd just puked or something."

"That would explain a lot," the doctor said. "If she hadn't been eating regularly and healthily for a long time and then abruptly decided to eat a lot it would make her sick and getting sick may have scared her off eating which explains only consuming crackers and water."

"Do you know why she passed out when she did?" Sam asked.

"Something caused her too much stress for her body to handle."

"That was my fault, I knew I shouldn't have gone to the apartment." Freddie said. "I wouldn't tell her who I got into a fight with and she got really upset."

"Well I guess that's it then, you're going to have to tell me who it was that hit you so we can help the girl get better." Mrs. Benson said and once more rounded on her son.

"I-It doesn't matter," he tried really hard not to look at Sam. It was getting to the point that she'd just figure out who it was from him refusing to tell. It's not that she didn't have a right to know but he was terrified she would blame herself for him getting into a fight. After learning that Carly passed out from stress he couldn't help but think the same could happen to Sam.

"Freddie I insist that you tell who it was?" Mrs. Benson demanded.

"It's not a big de-"

"Oh my god, just tell them who it was!" Sam suddenly burst out. Freddie was startled. The group momentarily stared at her. Spencer asked the doctor if he could see Carly now and just the three remained in the hallway.

Freddie hesitated. Sam was still sick and she too was looking more and more stressed by the second. He didn't want to be responsible for both of his friends to be in the hospital. "Ronan Morris."

"Well I'll just be having a word with Mr. Morris' parents, let them know just what their son has been up to."

"As much trouble as Ronan deserves to be in he didn't start the fight mom, I did."

"Excuse me?" Mrs. Benson looked horrified. Sam's face reflected no readable emotion. Maybe she didn't know what to feel?

"I started the fight."

"But why Freddie, you've always been such a good boy."

"He, he did something I wasn't okay with to someone I really care about." Freddie said. Marissa shook her head.

"I don't care how noble your actions were Fredward Benson; you could have been injured far worse than you were, now I think we ought to have a doctor look at you and make sure there was no lasting damage."

"Mom, I'm fine, you're just overreacting."

Mrs. Benson crossed her arms in frustration. She was no longer able to just force the boy to do as she told him. He used to be so compliant. She blamed the Puckett girl for giving her son a backbone. She blamed her for a lot actually.

"This is your fault you know." Mrs. Benson said as she turned to the blonde girl behind her.

"How is it my fault, I didn't tell him to pick a fight with someone!" Sam replied quickly.

"You're always beating up my son, you exposed him to all this violence, and you've been nothing but a terrible influence."

"Mom," Freddie tried to interrupt but Mrs. Benson was just getting started. She was upset and rather than except that Freddie wound make a bad decision on his own she was going to put the blame on someone else.

"Before he started hanging around with you he would have never started a fight with anyone, he was a good boy and now he's hurt, why don't you go ruin some other boy's life perhaps that Ronan Morris, he seems like he would be a much better acquaintance for you, you can go cause trouble together and leave my son out of it." She paused briefly to catch her breath and continued on. "One day missy every terrible thing you've ever done is going to come back to get you and I for one am not going to feel the least bit sorry for you because you are going to deserve what's coming."

"Mom!" Freddie tried again but she plowed on turning back to him. "I ought to forbid you from seeing this little delinquent anymore, she's nothing but trouble and I don't think you need to be associated with her."

"Mom stop talking!" Freddie shouted. Marissa was momentarily startled but after shaking away the shock she continued on about him never having yelled at her so harshly before. He was completely ignoring her now though and instead looked straight past her to Sam. She was unmoving. She looked completely broken. She'd been in physical fights with the biggest bullies Ridgeway had to offer and she barely blinked but the extremely mean and ill timed words of his mother seemed to crack her. Their eyes had been locked for only a second when she looked away at the floor. His mother finally stopped ranting.

"Someone come find me when I can see Carly." Sam turned and ran down the hallway. He called after her but she didn't stop. He started to go after her but Mrs. Benson halted him.

"I want you to see a doctor now."

"I don't need to see a doctor, I need to see Sam," Freddie gently moved his mother out his way. "I know you don't like her mom but she is the last person that deserves blame right now."

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><p><strong>So yeah. I feel terrible kicking Sam when she's down. But the next chapter is going to make up for it I promise. Its all Seddie. I think you guys will like it.<strong>


	28. Chapter 28

**Here is the chapter that really drove me up with wall. I had so much trouble with this one I wanted Sam and Freddie in character, I wanted it to be sweet and dramatic and well you get the point. It was tricky but I think I really got it in the end. Only two chapters left. I'm done with classes so I'm going to have a lot of free time on my hands. Hopefully I'll be inspired to work on my other chapter story and start getting it posted. Although I've got lots of ideas for shorter stuff too.**

**Anyways, I hope you all enjoy this chapter.**

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><p><strong>iAm Not Okay<strong>

**Chapter Twenty Eight**

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><p>Sam wasn't sure when she had stopped running but eventually she had to; she didn't have the energy to keep going. She peered into different rooms hoping to find an empty one and she did. It was small with a sofa and a chair and quite a few boxes of tissues. It looked like a good place for her to curl up in a ball and die so that's where she was now. She huddled to one side of the couch with her knees pulled up to her chest and her head resting on the arm. She wanted so badly to just cry out all of her emotions but she couldn't. It had worked that day she cried into Freddie's shoulder, she had felt a little better, but her feelings were just too much this time and no amount of crying was going to fix that so it wasn't going to happen at all.<p>

And part of her brain now believed she deserved all of it.

Her best friend was in the hospital.

Her other best friend had been in a fight.

Ronan had certainly posted the video to the web and millions of people were now viewing it. And she didn't even get the chance to turn him in for it or break his arm as payback.

She had known when she first saw Freddie bruised and banged up that he'd figured out it was Ronan who was blackmailing her and that he'd confronted him about it. She wanted to believe that wasn't really the case and that he'd just gotten beaten up by a bunch of jerks but in the back of her mind she knew that wasn't true; people were too afraid to mess with him because they all knew that was her territory. When he finally gave in and admitted it was Ronan he'd gotten into a fight with she wasn't surprised. Maybe that was what delayed her realization that Ronan had probably posted the video, or maybe she was just too worried about Carly. It wasn't till Mrs. Benson took out all her own feelings on her that everything set in.

Another wave of her own emotions hit her and she curled tighter into a ball. She squeezed her eyes closed even more willing just one tear to get free. She heard the door open and assumed it was nurse come to tell her she wasn't allowed to be here and that she'd have to go mope somewhere else.

Instead she heard feet hurry across the floor and felt the couch sag down next to her. She heard a whisper that sounded like her name and felt a hand lightly drop on her arm. She didn't jump. She knew it was Freddie. She did try to withdraw away from him though. She'd told him not to do anything and he had. Unfortunately she had nowhere else to go unless the couch decided to swallow her up.

"Sam my mom shouldn't have said any of those things to you, none of it was true."

"Yes it was, now go away; I don't want to talk to you." She voiced cracked. It wasn't fair that she has all the symptoms of crying but no actual tears.

"It wasn't, she's crazy and overreacted completely, you didn't deserve what Ronan's been doing to you and don't tell me that's not what you're thinking." He tried to edge her out of the corner but she didn't budge.

"Leave me alone."

"I need to tell you something."

"I don't want to talk to you, you got into a fight with Ronan and he knows you know and now he's posted that awful video and he's ruined everything and if you'd have just stayed out of it it'd be fine but it's not; now I want to be left alone." Sam was aware that the video would have been posted anyways; she decided two days ago now that she'd not give into Ronan and give up what little dignity she had left. But she was upset and to be honest if the video had to be posted she was going to have it done because she beat him to a pulp.

"Sam you know I wouldn't do anything that would hurt you, I-"

"If you think Ronan would hesitate for a second to ruin my life you're wrong." She sprung out of her corner so quickly Freddie jumped back. Sam immediately recoiling into her ball but didn't burry her face in the arm of the chair. She wanted to know what the boy had to say.

"I know that, that's why when I found out it was him I had the video confiscated."

"I told you that one of his stupid friends had another copy of the video-"

"I got that one too," Freddie said quickly. "I overheard Ronan talking to Joey in the locker rooms, I was late to class and they were the only ones in there, Ronan was freaked because Joey couldn't find the USB drive with the video on it, he did though and I knew Ronan had his laptop with the only other copy."

Sam was watching him intently waiting for him to continue.

"I snuck out of the locker room before they saw me and while they were in class I went to Principal Franklin and he took the school security guard to meet Ronan and Joey and they took their bags, I don't think they even realized it had to do with the video; I think they thought it was because they had steroids in their bags because Ronan asked me about it."

So Ronan didn't have the video anymore. And he couldn't post it to the internet where everyone could see it. She should have been feeling some sort of relief but she couldn't shake the feeling that something else could go wrong. "Are you sure he didn't have another copy?"

"I'm positive, it was smart of him to only have the two because it was less likely someone else would stumble on it but that also meant they would be really easy to get rid of," she must have still looked doubtful because Freddie pulled out his phone and showed it to her. "I've was keeping an eye out for anything on the internet while we were in the waiting room and you were avoiding me but I haven't seen anything and figuring how pissed Ronan looked when he figured out I knew I truly believe that there are only the two videos."

Sam could have sworn that some sort of pressure had actually lifted off her shoulders. She sat up a little straighter, still with her knees drawn up. Something else was bothering her. "If Ronan didn't know that was why his bag was confiscated why did you get into a fight with him, I mean, why would you tell him?"

Freddie hesitated before answering and Sam became extremely curious as to what would convince the non-violent boy to throw a punch at someone. "He said something about you, I'm not even sure I remember what it was but it did matter, I was just so mad that he could even say your name after everything he'd done."

She cursed her tears for finally decided to make an appearance and him for having such an effect on her. She practically dove into his arms, wrapping her own around his middle and burying her face in his shirt. Her crying kept her from immediately choking out the words she wanted to say but eventually a thank you escaped.

Was that really enough, a thank you? Freddie's arms tightened around her and she figured it was good enough for him. They stayed like that for a while. Sam momentarily considered pulling back but was overcome with embarrassment at the thought of looking him in the eye.

Suddenly she felt him take her shoulders and gently pull her back but she continued to keep her eyes averted. "Sam?"

"Hmm?" She was looking intently at his shoulder.

"Now that you know Ronan can't do anything anymore and that no one will ever see that video again will you please listen to me when I remind you that my mom is crazy and that all that stuff she said to you earlier was just her overreacting and that you didn't deserve anything Ronan did to you?" Freddie tried to make eye contact with her. Even her veil of messy hair didn't stop him. He pushed the curly mess out of the way and she was forced to look at him. "You believe me right?" he asked.

She wanted too but what Mrs. Benson said really stuck with her. "I'm not really a nice person."

"Sam."

"It's true and you know it."

"You may not be the nicest person in the world but you are not a bad person Sam," Freddie started. "A bad person wouldn't have tailed her best friend so she wouldn't get in trouble at an unsafe club or encourage Gibby and me to do the best we can in weight training, I don't think I'd get into a fight for a terrible person, I'd only do that for someone who I really care about and who I know would do the same thing for me."

Her tears hadn't stopped falling since they started but if they had they would have returned at that moment. She hated crying in front of him and as of late it had happened far too frequently. She wiped at her eyes repeatedly, not bothering with the many boxes of tissues and instead using her sleeve.

"I believe you." She smiled and he smiled back at her and looked quite pleased with himself. He started to readjust his position on the couch. He flinched and his face contorted into a grimace. She suddenly was more aware of the giant purple bruise and fat lip that blemished his face. The way he reached for his side let her know that he was probably pretty bruised beneath his shirt too. A wave of guilt hit her when she realized she'd thrown herself at him not so gently minutes ago and he didn't do anything to stop the discomfort she was probably causing him. In fact her knees were pretty much jammed in his side at the moment and she quickly moved back. "Sorry."

"Its fine," he took her arm before she could give him anymore space. He gestured to his face, "this isn't your fault either, you know that right, I may have gotten in to a fight on your honor but it was my stupid choice to throw a punch."

Sam was staring at the spot on her arm where his fingers were curled around it. Then suddenly it was gone. She looked up to find out why and he began to stutter, "sorry, you probably don't want people touching you."

She laughed. She shouldn't want people touching her and maybe if it was someone else she wouldn't be so cool with it. But it was Freddie and as much as she tried to deny it she was in love with him and him touching her didn't make her jump. It made her stomach flip but in a way that mad her happy not nauseous.

"It's okay," she reached out and took his hand back. They were both smiling again. It was silent and comfortable between the two. But as they were now holding hands it was quickly becoming awkward and Sam thought it would be best to break the silence with a question. "So did you at least land a few good punches during your first and probably only fist fight?"

He laughed and rolled his eyes. "Unfortunately no, I'm pretty sure I gave Ronan a black eye but his friend's made sure I only got one swing."

"You took on a group of them?" She demanded. She had to remind herself he was already bruised up enough to stop herself from hitting him for being so stupid. In every scenario she played in her head she just figured it was a one on one fight and while Freddie may be as strong as Ronan he clearly wasn't as skilled a fighter.

"That wasn't my original intention, I was just so mad I didn't really take the time to think anything through." He admitted. "But you know even if I had known how it was going to turn out I probably still would have done it, he deserved it and it made me feel better."

Before she could stop herself she turned to face him, tugged on his hand so he was sitting up and leaned forward pressing her lips to his. It was only for a few seconds and Freddie seemed too stunned to respond. The moment she pulled away she tried to explain away the sudden kiss with valid excuses. A sorry managed to get free but the reasoning wouldn't follow. She wanted to blame it on stress or the fact that she was sick and probably delirious from fever and stress, but he was looking at her and it was suddenly impossible to lie. The chance to tell the truth was taken from her too. Freddie leaned in placing his lips back against hers.

An entirely different sensation took over her. It felt so wonderful to kiss him but to have him kiss her was even better and it ended far too quickly. He pulled away from her and she blinked a few times while her brain processed what to say. "If we keep this up you're going to get sick too."

Freddie started laughing and she took the time to notice his cheeks turning a rosy red. It was hard to tell on the side with the large purple bruise. "I wouldn't mind."

"Well I wouldn't mind getting you sick."

"Really?" He asked as if he wasn't sure they were on the same page. She nodded.

"But maybe just to be sure I shouldn't try to get you sick till next week." She watched his expression for some sort of confirmation that he understood. He was right, she shouldn't be so comfortable with anyone after all that she went through with Ronan. It would probably be for the best to wait just a little while before following through with any current emotions.

"That's a good idea." He stood up and pulled her to her feet. It felt weird to stretch out; she'd been curled up in a ball for so long. "You want to go check on Carly now, I think we can probably see her."

"Yeah, let's do that." She noticed their hands now hanging, fingers intertwined, between them. She supposed she should let go.

"You know you look pretty tired and," he reached up and felt her forehead, "you still have a little fever, maybe you better just hang on to my arm in case you feel dizzy." Looking at his face she was pretty sure his cheeks were warmer than hers but didn't complain, she just looped her arm with his.

"Alright, and I suppose, you know, you can lean on my shoulder a bit, if you're still having trouble walking." Sam couldn't help but think that they wouldn't quite make it till next week.

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><p><strong>So did all the insanity I went through to write this chapter payoff? <strong>


	29. Chapter 29

**Hey guys. Just giving you a heads up that this chapter is sort of a dump chapter. I've got important stuff in the final chapter but this is all stuff I need to happen first. Its sort of a mess but I think after rereading it so many times i've made it presentable to the public.**

**I've got issues with writing Spencer. I think because in this story whenever he showed up I needed him to be responsible. It doesn't help that a lot of Spencer's personality comes from his body language which is sometimes difficult to put in writing without practice.**

**anyways enjoy this chapter, its not particularly exciting but some bits came out nicely.**

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><p><strong>iAm Not Okay<br>**

**Chapter Twenty Nine**

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><p>When Carly came around Spencer was sitting to her right, holding her hand and looking thoroughly exhausted but awake. He smiled at her and squeezed her hand reassuring her that she was fine. She turned her head slowly to take in the rest of the room. A TV mounted on the wall was on reruns of Girly Cow with the volume on low. A tray of food sat at the end of the bed. Despite the bad reputation hospital food got she was looking forward to eating it. Out the window she could see it was dark; probably one or two in the morning. Next to the window was an arm chair. Sam was curled up like a cat in the seat, her head rested on one arm and her feet on the other. Freddie was sitting on the floor, leaning back against the chair, also asleep. The moon light combined with the light from the TV cast an odd glow on the pair. Freddie's eye looked awfully purple and swollen, but both he and Sam looked perfectly content as the slept.<p>

"They wanted me to wake them when you finally woke up." Spencer said. She turned back to him and smiled.

"Let them sleep a little longer," she replied. She wanted to tell him first, everything that had happened and why she was acting so weird lately. He had probably guessed some of it, or if he hadn't than Sam and Freddie had certainly informed him. "I'm sorry if I made you worry." Her mouth felt dry and Spencer quickly retrieved a cup of water.

"I'm always going to worry about you Carly."

"Fair enough," she sighed and pushed herself up higher on the pillows. "I was being stupid, staying with Brian for so long, reading those comments when Freddie warned me not too, stressing over my studying when Sam told me I shouldn't."

"All in the past now, the doctor thinks it will be a while before you get back into you're normal habits and were going to have to keep a close eye on you."

"I promise I'll try my best." She took his hand back because he still looked sort or nervous. "Did you tell granddad what happened?"

"Thought I would leave that up to you, you know he won't take it well."

"You're afraid he'll get mad at you aren't you?"

"You know how he gets and you are my responsibility." Spencer explained. Carly got the feeling he was worried about their granddad trying to make her move in with him again. That wasn't going to happen though. As it was Spencer was going to have a hard enough time trying to get her out of the apartment when she was old enough to leave. Maybe he'd get married and she could convince him to move out and let her keep the apartment. It was unlikely but a girl could dream.

Deciding she didn't want to see him mope any longer she tried to change the topic. "Tell me about the sculpture you've been working on."

"Which one?" His tone gave away that he knew she was trying to change the subject. It was a silent agreement to discuss the messy stuff later.

"The one that's been taking you like months to finish, the big one."

"You mean the colossal humongous jumbo sculpture made entirely of itty bitty pieces of recycled junk?" His over the top hand gestures and low voice followed by a high pitched one had her laughing louder than intended. She hushed quickly, glanced at Sam and Freddie to make sure she hadn't woken them and then nodded.

"That sounds like the one." She whispered.

"In that case I can't say anything."

"What, why not?"

"Because it's going to be a surprise, I actually just finished it when you were at school tod-yesterday." He glanced at the clock on the wall. She had under guessed; it was nearly four in the morning.

"Did you get any sleep yet?"

"I wanted to talk to you first and be sure you were feeling okay, you should probably get more sleep though kiddo, if the doctor's calculations were right you've got quite a few hours to make up for."

"I'll try to get more sleep, but only if you promise to try to sleep too or else I'm going to feel too guilty to sleep."

"No more negative emotions." He protested. "I'll get some sleep to, though I'm not sure where."

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><p>Sam started to stir in the chair drawing the attention of the siblings. Her eyes opened and it took her a minute to recognize her surroundings before she sat up. She shook Freddie's shoulder and proceeded to stumble still half asleep out of the chair and over to Carly's side.<p>

"How you feeling?"

"Much better." She said reaching out for Sam's hand. "How are you, I'm mean aside from being sick, I know I've been distracted lately but I do notice when my best friend isn't acting right."

"I'm good now." Freddie had pulled himself off the floor now and was standing next to her. She glanced back at him before continuing, "I'll tell you everything later kay."

"Can you at least tell me one thing now?" Carly pleaded.

"Sure." She said through a yawn.

"Do you or do you not have a boyfriend I don't know about?" She asked in all seriousness.

Sam laughed. It was hard to tell in the dark room but she was sure her cheeks were flushed. "Um, at the moment no, but uh," she tried hard not to smile too much, "ask me again in a week."

The look Carly gave her screamed confusion but she shook it off and turned to Freddie. He was smiling also. He looked so deliriously happy that it distracted from the nasty bruise around his eye. "You okay?"

He couldn't be better. Carly was going to get better. She and Sam were acting like the best friends they were again. And now Sam was referring to a future boyfriend who he was pretty sure was him. "I'm good."

After returning to Carly's room and finding her still asleep Freddie unwillingly agreed to see a doctor just to please his mother and get her to return to work. The doctor confirmed that his nose was not broken, the blood from earlier had been from biting his lip. The bruises on his abdomen, while painful to the touch, were superficial. No lasting damage was done. Freddie would have to thank Gibby and T-Bo for intervening, if Ronan kept on he probably would have cracked his ribs.

The group chatted for a while about things that didn't really matter. Carly tried to get Freddie to tell her who he got into a fight with but Spencer insisted she could wait till morning to be told. Carly ate what little of the hospital food was left on the tray that Spencer and Sam had not eaten first and then drifted back to sleep.

Later that morning when Mrs. Benson's shift ended she took Freddie and Sam back to Bushwell. Sam tried to tell them that she would be fine taking the bus but Freddie wouldn't let her. Mrs. Benson gave her something of an apology on the way home. She said she shouldn't have gotten so worked up and she hadn't meant to yell. It didn't sound so much like she didn't believe what she said was true but that perhaps that had not been the right time to say it.

Sam knew that was as good an apology as she was going to get.

Sam and Freddie waited out Carly's return at the Shay's apartment. Sam's fever had gone down quite a bit but she had nothing against continuing to sit on the couch with her bowl of chicken noodle soup. Freddie sat next to her with an ice pack to his eye for a while. They watched movies and tried with much difficulty not to sit too close to each other. Many times Freddie had to stop himself from reaching out to take her hand. She had a similar problem with not using his shoulder as a pillow.

It was easier when Gibby joined them. He had stayed behind last night to inform the iCarly viewers that the show was canceled for the night due to unforeseen circumstances. Out of curiosity Sam and Freddie went to watch the announcement which, it turned out, Gibby had turned into a one-man comedy show. With the use of various wigs he attempted to play the roles of everyone. Freddie found the whole thing kind of amusing but Sam was not so impressed with Gibby's attempt at keeping the show going as normal. Freddie finally got an opportunity to hold Sam in his arms but as she spent the whole time trying to escape and pounce on Gibby for an impression of her she wasn't exactly a fan of it wasn't as pleasant an experience and he would have hoped.

It was at this time that Spencer and Carly walked through the door. The situation in the living room was dropped and they all rushed forward to welcome Carly home. Spencer let the group gather around the couch and went to the kitchen to see what he could find for them to eat. The ingredients from the spaghetti tacos he had been preparing had been haphazardly shoved into the refrigerator.

After reheating them they sat around the table to eat. Carly decided she wanted to go change clothes. She had to put on the ones she wore yesterday because she didn't have any others available at the hospital. She tapped Sam on the shoulder, indicating that she should follow.

"Are you going to tell me what I've been missing out on now?" Carly asked once they entered her room.

Sam had been prepared to tell Carly what had happened over the last couple months but hesitated again at the last second. "Are you sure you're not going to stress out again?"

"I'll stress out worse if you don't tell me."

Sam took a seat on the little sofa. "You remember that video that got posted awhile back, the one that was taken in the locker rooms?"

"Of course, did you figure out who took it?"

"You remember Ronan Morris right?" Sam twitched a little at the thought of him. She reminded herself that he was no longer a problem and that despite not giving out the punishment herself he was going to get what was coming for him.

"That guy in your weight training class, he took the video, I knew he was a jerk but wow, who does something like that?"

"Someone who wants to get in your pants apparently."

"I'm sorry what?"

"Don't freak out; you're not so innocent best friend is still far more innocent than a lot of people we know."

"Well you need to explain in more detail." Carly abandoned her task of changing her clothes to sit down with Sam. Sam proceeded to explain that Ronan used the video to blackmail her and because she didn't want the video to get posted on the internet and have an effect on iCarly she agreed to make-out with him. She explained that it didn't really bother her until she found out Ronan had a girlfriend and at that time she ended up telling Freddie what was going on without giving him a name. Eventually Ronan wanted more out of their arrangement and before she could say no she was sent home for being sick.

"So what happened, why are you telling me now if you didn't before?" Carly asked.

"Because it's not a problem anymore, Freddie overheard Ronan talking to Joey about it in the guy's locker room and turned them in." Sam smiled; she couldn't wait to find out what kind of punishment they'd receive.

"This all happened yesterday?"

"According to Freddie yeah." Carly had fallen into some sort of thoughtful trance. Sam was just starting to worry about her when she spoke again.

"So Freddie busted Ronan and his friend for something that's going to get them in a lot of trouble and then showed up at here with a black eye and limping," the appraising look she received along with this statement had Sam squirming.

"He may have gotten into a fight with Ronan after school."

"Uh huh," Carly poked her friend's shoulder and she squirmed more. "Anything else you want to add?"

"He may have gotten into a fight with Ronan because of me." Carly crossed her arms. She was now the one smiling, only her smile was more knowing.

"You want to tell me more about that."

Sam's stomach growled. Saved by her hunger; she stood to go back down stairs. "Sorry Sam is unable to answer that question at the moment as she is leaving for lunch."

"Sam."

"Please ask again in a week."

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><p><strong>One more chapter left. It should be a good one. Ronan is making one last appearance. <strong>

**Thanks for all the awesome reviews last time you guys are amazing.**


	30. Chapter 30

**Hey everyone. I'm so sorry this is a few days late. I was going to post on Saturday but I just didn't like the chapter enough and because this is the last chapter I wanted it to be perfect or as close to perfect as I could get it. I'm still not sure its there but its a million times better now. I really hope you guys like how i wrapped up the story. It was not easy. **

**It was really tough ending it. And its going to be sad not working on this one anymore. I'm always so thrilled to see that those of you who review really seem to love it. I wish I could just keep giving you more of it. Unfortunately this story doesn't have anything left to tell but now that I'm on my summer vacation I'll hopefully be working on a other stories for you guys to get sucked into. **

**Please enjoy this last chapter. **

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><p><strong>iAm Not Okay<strong>

**Chapter Thirty**

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><p>Sunday was a quiet day. Between Spencer and Mrs. Benson the trio was hardly allowed to stand. Exams started the next day and the goal was to have everyone back in tip top condition to return to school. They were allowed periods of studying and were required to take breaks every once in a while. Carly said she was feeling a hundred percent better by dinner but insisted on eating bland food. The doctor said it was fine for her to work her way back up to her normal diet. Sam's temperature had returned to normal and the symptoms disappeared with the fever. When Freddie was released from his apartment to come study with them Sam kept a close eye on him to be sure she hadn't actually given him her cold. He seemed fine; if he was coming down with anything Mrs. Benson would have spotted it long before she would have.<p>

The next morning Sam stood outside her locker waiting for Carly and Freddie and forcing herself to read notes for her exam that day. Carly showed up next looking more well-rested than she had in a month. Sam was also pleased the girl looked like she probably spent only ten minutes getting ready. When she asked what was up Carly replied that what her hair looked like wasn't going to increase her exam score.

Freddie showed up a minute later. He had his nose in his calculus book and Sam felt sort of bad that he spent more time helping her study for her test than he spent studying for his own. But he was smart he'd be fine. When he finally looked up from the book and noticed them standing there he smiled. She couldn't help but think he was a dork, but when Carly stepped away to get something from her locker and he continued to smile stupidly at her resolve broke and she smiled too.

Carly turned back to them, looking between them, she rolled her eyes. It was going to be a long week.

"We should probably get to class," she announced and broke the two out of their staring contest.

"Actually you three are going to be a little late for your first classes." Principal Franklin had approached them all from behind. Sam had been hoping for this. Certainly he could tell them what consequences Ronan was going to face. He gestured for them to follow. They walked the quickly clearing hallways to Principal Franklin's office. Upon opening the door and getting a glance inside Sam smirked.

It was better than she could have hoped for. The office already had three occupants, the school security guard, a police officer and Ronan. Ronan looked extremely interested in the bush outside the window and never glanced up. The officer handed Principal Franklin a pile of paperwork.

"We just need you guys to sign a few papers, mostly you Sam." The principal handed them a few pens and the security guard made note where each needed to sign. Carly had to sign a statement that she was aware she was in the video taken. Freddie had a few more things to sign seeing as he turned Ronan and Joey in. Sam got bored of reading quickly and signed whatever they placed in front of her. All she wanted to know was how much trouble Ronan was in. So after she confirmed that it was in fact Ronan Morris standing in the room with them and he was escorted from the room she asked.

"He'll be heading to prison, Joey spilled everything when he was called in for questioning so not only is he being charged with posting the video but there are quite a few other things he's got against him."

"He's not going to juvie?"

"Ronan is eighteen and as you are not the system is not going to go easy on him, not to mention other trouble he's caused with girls at his previous school is already on his record."

"He's gonna get it then right?" She asked

"Yes Sam in your words 'he's gonna get it.'" Principal Franklin assured her.

Carly and Freddie were asked to step out of the room and Principal Franklin informed Sam that she would need to meet with the school's counselor. Sam was in such a good mood she didn't care in the slightest and nearly skipped into the main office where Carly and Freddie were waiting for her.

"You look awfully cheery." Freddie pointed out.

"You sure you're the one who hit Ronan because his face looks way worse than yours does." Freddie grinned and shrugged.

"Is that a compliment?"

"Heck yeah it is."

"I'm just sorry you weren't the one who got to do it."

"Yeah you must be bummed that you didn't get to dish out some Puckett style punishment." Carly added. She rarely encouraged Sam's physical violence but in this case an exception definitely could have been made.

"Oh he's going to get a Puckett style punishment even if I'm not the one to give it to him," Carly and Freddie waited for more information. "Didn't you hear Principal Franklin, he's not going to Juvie he's going to jail, my Uncle Carmine's parole got denied and my cousin Chaz just got arrested too so Ronan's going to have a welcoming committee when he gets there."

"They won't kill him will they?" Carly asked nervously.

"That is all up to them." She answered. They walked the hallway back towards their class. Carly's came first and they said they'd see her for lunch. Sam's class came next and before Freddie could get a goodbye out she thanked him for worrying about her and placed a kiss on his cheek than disappeared into the classroom.

With behavior like that it was a miracle they made it the entire week.

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><p>Admittedly they cheated a bit; played footsie under the table at the Groovie Smoothie while they were studying and sitting extremely close together on the couch. Whenever they got too close Sam pulled some stunt to get them farther apart; stealing his phone and calling China, picking fun at him when he started going on and on about his techie stuff.<p>

This teasing didn't quell his excitement for Friday night. Exactly one week from their conversation at the hospital, as soon as iCarly finished up for the night, Carly was the first to suggest their usually trip to the Groovie Smoothie but upon noticing her friends glancing not so subtly at each other she hurried to suggest that her and Gibby would go collect smoothies for the group.

Neither Sam nor Freddie knew exactly how to start this conversation. He fiddled with the things on the tech cart and she tossed a few of the props they used into a corner. Freddie moved away from his cart to help her and it was back and forth for a minute or so. Sam had just dropped a few yoyos into a box and was going back for the others when she ran into Freddie who promptly dropped the assortment of items in his arms. He flinched when a dictionary they used in a skit landed corner down on his foot.

Sam laughed. You'd think she'd ask the boy she was in love with if he was okay but the whole thing just made her laugh. Freddie shook off the pain and laughed too. The mishap left them standing inches apart and grinning uncontrollably. The little bit of awkwardness evaporated.

"You should watch where you're going." Sam said, perfectly aware that she was the one who ran into him.

"Yeah_ I_ need to watch where I'm going."

He leaned down to capture her lips and she leaned up, placing her hands on his upper arms to balance herself on her toes. She wondered if kissing him would ever not be fun, he was quite good at it. He pulled her closer, his hands rested on her back. When he started to pull away she linked her hands behind his neck, blocking his escape. He was more than happy to continue the kissing. She could feel him smiling against her lips.

Finally she pulled back. She left her arms looped around his neck in case she felt the need for another kiss.

"You sure about this whole boyfriend girlfriend thing?" She asked him.

"Shouldn't I be the one asking that, what with the whole Ronan thing and everything?" Having a boyfriend that cared was going to be a change.

"I'm good, you're the one who's going to be dating a delinquent; your mother is going to throw such a fit."

Freddie shrugged. "Let her yell, I'll happily date a delinquent as long as she's okay with dating a dork."

Sam laughed, "We are so messed up how did we even end up like this?" Of all the people in the world they fell for each other.

"We are not exactly normal Sam, when you think about it, is it really a surprise that we didn't end up with who we would be expected to end up with."

"I do enjoy proving people wrong." She replied after some consideration.

"You know we should probably finish picking this stuff up," he glanced down at their feet. The pile of junk was still scattered on the floor. Sam thought about the idea of cleaning up. Then she remembered that Carly and Gibby would likely be returning soon and if they put off the cleaning till they got back then they could share at least one more toe tingling kiss. When she shared the information with Freddie he quickly agreed that kissing was the far more appealing option.

Eventually Carly and Gibby did return and Sam and Freddie were forced to separate at the lips. It was odd for Sam when Freddie grabbed hold of her hand. Her old boyfriends were not so affectionate. Carly said nothing about their locked hands and when Gibby started to he received a pinch from the brunette girl and a glare that not even he could misinterpret.

When they came down stairs Spencer said nothing about the pair holding hands. It looked like maybe he wanted to but he was caught up with something else. He immediately ushered them to the door.

"Spencer where are we going?" Carly asked as she took the jacket he shoved into her hands.

"I'm ready to show you guys the sculpture."

"The one you finished a week ago but haven't let us see." Sam replied a touch crossly. She had to let go of Freddie's hand to put her own coat on. She was pleasant again as soon as Freddie took her hand back.

"I thought this thing was in the basement."

"I've been slowly moving it up to the roof; the basement is too small to get the full effect of it." He explained as they stomped up the steps that led to the roof. Spencer pushed the door open and the teens were momentarily distracted by the surprisingly clear night sky. It was beautiful.

"Gibs, Freddo give me a hand here." Spencer was waving the boys over to a large square object covered in multiple bed sheets. It must have been eight or nine feet high and twelve feet wide. The guys each grabbed hold of a sheet and on Spencer's count they pulled them away.

Carly and Sam stood back both their heads were tilted identically to the side.

"What do you think?" Gibby and Freddie moved to stand with the girls. Carly looked perplexed. It was a large outline of a rectangle. It was narrow in depth and supported from behind with giant wedges of wood.

"What is it?"

"Just keep looking."

Carly would have liked to focus on her brother's sculpture but it was much easier to stare straight through it at the Seattle skyline.

"It's a picture frame." Sam announced. "That's actually pretty clever Spencer."

"Oh I see it now." Carly ran forward to examine the sculpture more carefully. The way Spencer had placed the small pieces of scrapes by color created bursts of color all around the frame. She was half tempted to ask Spencer to make her a smaller one.

"Hey you guys go stand behind it so I can take your picture." Spencer herded them behind it and took a few pictures. When they were back inside Freddie uploaded the photos to the iCarly site.

"These are really cool, I bet tons of people would want to take a picture like this." Carly said. She pointed to one of her favorites. Spencer had directed them to make silly faces.

"That's a great idea, we could totally charge people, and we'd make a fortune." Sam jumped in enthusiastically. Freddie couldn't help but think about how things were completely back to normal; it was like nothing had changed. So he replied like he would normally.

"Not everything has to be a scheme to make money Sam."

"Fine, than you can buy me dinner." She dropped her head down his shoulder as he continued to scroll through the pictures. So maybe some things had changed. But at least they were for the better.

"Gladly."

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><p><strong>So its like really hard to write the last bit of a story. I didn't know what to do and that's part of why this is two days late. But let me know what you think. You're reviews made working on the story so much more fun. I honestly never believed I would get so many. <strong>

**Anyways Thanks Again; everyone who reviewed, favorited or alerted this story. You are all awesome.**

**I can give you guys a little heads up on the next story I'm working on. Its mostly about Sam. It was actually inspired by a Hey Arnold! episode called Helga on the Couch. Maybe some of you older readers can recall the episode (maybe some of you younger ones too, I know I make my brother and sister watch it) but basically it takes place in between iOMG and iLost My Mind. Sam wants to check into the mental hospital but can't without a recommendation from a doctor. The session is to figure out if Sam is really crazy for liking Freddie but we learn about her relationships with other characters along the way through numerous flashbacks that I'm very much enjoying writing. It won't be as long as this story (somewhere between fifteen and twenty chapters is what I worked out). I'm hoping to start posting soon but as a general rule I don't post these long stories until they're almost done because I don't like not finishing stories. I've done it before and it just bugs me. **

**So yeah the story should be fun, a little drama, love, friendship, family. All that stuff. It's like my own personal head cannon for why Sam is the way she is. A few things you'd get to see her first time meeting Spencer and Freddie (separate occasions), Melanie leaving for boarding school. I'm still working on the Carly flashbacks.  
><strong>

**Thanks again for being such awesome readers.**


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